\<<set $ticktock to 1>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $foundpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $ernest to true>>
\<<set $foundernest to true>>
\<<set $losternest to false>>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $foundsherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to false>>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $foundbalzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to false>>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $foundblintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to false>>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $foundmoist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to false>>
\<<set $ork to false>>
\<<set $foundork to false>>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $foundkoi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to false>>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $foundthud to false>>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $foundapple to false>>
\<<set $foundproust to false>>
\<<set $founddesmond to false>>
\<<set $foundmince to false>>
\<<set $foundcapnbill to false>>
\<<set $founddennis to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to false>>
\<<set $diaper to 0>>
\<<set $hyper to 0>>
\<<set $viper to 0>>
\<<set $sniper to 0>>
\<<set $dave to 0>>
\<<set $hyperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $viperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $sniperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $davekillmode to false>>
\<<set $card1 to false>>
\<<set $card2 to false>>
\<<set $card3 to false>>
\<<set $totalpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $fleeing to false>>
<<set $puppet1 to "Ernest">>
\<<set $MonsterTarget to "Ernest">>
\<<set $daveactive to true>>
\<<set $viperactive to true>>
\<<set $hyperactive to true>>
\<<set $sniperactive to true>>
QUICK START
All variables will be set here.
[[Skip the intro and go straight to the game.|Quadrangle]]
[[Go to the title page.|Title Page]]
[[GAME OVER]]
[[Let's just cheat!|Cheating Wing]]This is the entrance.
<<set $entrance to true>>
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
There are some puppets here. You can take one if you want.
<<if $ernest is not true>>[[Take Ernest|Ernest's Stand]]<<else>>[[Leave Ernest|Ernest's Stand]]
<</if>>
<<if $sherri is not true>>[[Take Sherri|Sherri's Stand]]<<else>>[[Leave Sherri|Sherri's Stand]]
<</if>>
<<if $balzac is not true>>[[Take Balzac|Balzac's Stand]]<<else>>[[Leave Balzac|Balzac's Stand]]<</if>>
You can go left to [[Room A]].
You can go right to [[Room D]].<<set $rooma to true>>
This is Room A.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can go left to [[Room B]].
You can go right to the [[Entryway]].This is Room D.<<set $roomd to true>><<set $roomc to false>><<set $roomb to true>><<include "Puppet Status">>
You can go left to the [[Entryway]].
You can go right to [[Room C]]. <<set $roomb to true>>
This is Room B.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can go left to [[Room C]].
You can go right to [[Room A]].This is Room C.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can go left to [[Room D]].
You can go right to [[Room B]].
Hey! You can go to [[The Secret Room!|secretroom]]\<<if lastVisited("RoomA2") is 0>>
"Ugh, I always hated how much paperwork comes with this job," Ernest sighs. "It's mostly just signing your name, but you have to record when and where you signed, and then sign something affirming you recorded it... it made signing the checks the easiest part!" He wiggles his ears. "I mean, easy, apart from that it's really hard from me to hold a pen in the first place." <</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomA3") is 0>>
Ernest sniffs at some of the boxes indifferently. "You want to know something weird?" He snickers into his paws. "I can actually recognize these dolls by smell. None of the ones in this box are supposed to be me…" He straightens up, your arm lifting like a periscope, and squeaks in recognition. "Over there, on the far side— those ones are mine," he pronounces. "I know their smell because sometimes Mal would use them on camera, as stunt doubles— especially for something where I get blown up!" This time his laughter is more subdued. "Sure glad I didn't have to do that myself anymore." <</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomB2") is 0>> "Oh, it was always fun when they brought us here. I remember one time with Balzac..." He trails off. "Ah, you don't want to hear it. Listen, we should wait in here or the ballroom for a little while, if we don't want to bump into another one of those //things.// Better to have one behind us than in front of us."
<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomB6") is 0>>
"Sherri's Coffee Shop... you know, it was supposed to be //my// coffee shop," Ernest mutters. "They said it was appropriate because Sherri is a good role model and a woman of business... I think they were just stuck on prejudices. I know least weasels are hyperactive and we bounce around, but I don't think that reflects badly on our coffee habits!"
<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomC2") is 0>>
"This is where I was when it happened," Ernest says sadly. "Well… OK, not ME, me. Another of me, the one we use for longshots… it's complicated being a Handful. But anyway, yeah, Mal put me down here in this room, got in his car with the Princess, and… I never saw him again."
<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomC5") is 0>>
"That's weird, there's no sets," Ernest muses. "Oh.... oh, that's right. We were going to make that announcement!" He glances back at you. "The announcement about... uh..." His ears seem to wilt and he loses interest. "Never mind. Not worth getting excited about if Mal's not here anymore..."
<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomC6") is 0>>
"Look, look up there!" Ernest gestures gleefully at the wall of the diner set. The wall features autographs from all the guests who appeared on the show; most of them are stars of other children's shows, but some are real superstars, like Devan Feiffer. Right next to Feiffer, though, is the familiar face of Ernest Weasel, with his signature.
"Isn't that great?" Ernest says. "We got our big break as guest stars on Devan's show… and now there's me and him, side by side, equal billing." He waggles his whiskers loftily. "I'm not even sorry Ted Nugent didn't show up and we had to fill in for him."
<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomD3") is 0>>
"Be careful around this stuff!" Ernest urges. "Sherri's always telling me how dangerous it is, and how I shouldn't put it in my mouth, or chew on the wires, or touch Blintz's glowing pickle experiment, or…" He trails off. "Huh. Don't… yeah, don't do any of that."
<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomD9") is 0>>
"Oh, wow. This feels like coming home," Ernest says. "Well, it's kind of felt that way all night, but this shed specifically... this was basically the first version of this whole building. When Mal and his roommates were doing the first show, and the commercials, and all the stuff before the Handfuls show? This shed was our home base. We wrote new material here, stayed here overnight in drawers, some of us were even built on the work table inside!" He winces. "When you're a puppet, it's very weird to see a puppet getting built... probably less awkward than seeing a human getting built, though."
<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 0>><<if $balzac is false>>Sherri isn't looking for clues. She's looking at the portrait of Mal and Ernest.
"Do you ever... uh..." She twists to look back at you, and shakes her head. "Never mind. I think this is something I should bring up with the armadillo."<</if>><</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomA4") is 0>>
"Aaargh, Ernest forgot to dust while he was here," Sherri gripes. "We could open again any day! How can I work with this kind of pressure? ...Well, hang on... maybe he left it dusty so we could do it together. That's so cool when he does that..."
<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomB3") is 0>>
"Keep me clear of that stuff!" Sherri says, horrified at the unwashed dishes. "Food and grease can damage a Handful! Even some soaps, too, so don't let me get dirty!" <</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomB4") is 0>>
"Apropos of nothing, do you want to know what my single biggest pet peeve about working with puppeteers is?" Sherri remarks.
You've actually got a few you could list yourself, but you let her continue.
"It's when they go to the bathroom," she says. "And then they don't wash their hands."
That's a biggie.
"The other thing is when they focus on their work so much, they forget to go to the bathroom and they have to run here with you still riding on their arm..."
You have to think for a second. Is this something you're guilty of?
"No, not you. Mal did that all the time. And then we had to come BACK here because he'd left his ID card behind and couldn't get back into the studio...!"
<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 0>>
"Doesn't this look like a movie theater lobby?" Sherri muses. "I always wished they'd put in a concession stand here. I guess they didn't want the live studio audiences crunching popcorn, though."<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomC3") is 0>>
"You can't hide it, you know," Sherri says, skewing her beaky lips in a knowing smirk. "We've been on enough of these soundstages to know… you guys absolutely love it when the sound techs put mics on us instead of you."
You can't deny it, that's always a mood elevator.<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomC5") is 0>>
"I wish this place had stadium seating," says Sherri. "Look how high you have to crane your neck up to see the stage! It feels like watching that show where the robots talk back to the screen... I keep writing to the TV station, but they won't shut them up!"<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomD5") is 0>>
"Oh, this place I know. Feels like I spend most of my time here." Sherri tosses her hair, smirking with her pointed lips crossed. "To think I started out wearing doll clothes from off the shelf, and now they call dressing like me ‘colacore'!"<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomD6") is 0 and $catwalk is true>>
"Do you think it was one of those… //things,// the morph suit thingies, that broke the stairs up to the catwalk?" Sherri frowns. "I hate those things. Those things are why Mal didn't go through with the sale to Cheney, you know— they had him design them, then he found out they wanted to use them as scabs…!"<</if>>\<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 0>>“Is that where they were keeping Ernest??” Balzac says, looking at the empty glass case. “You should have brought me! I’d do my famous patented super-deluxe Wrecking Ball Body Slam and smash it into a million pieces!”
A moment later, he muses out loud, “Well, gee… I should have done that to the case I was in. Why didn’t I?”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomA3") is 0>>
“One thing’s for sure, I’m marketable!” Balzac brags. “Since I roll into a ball, anything ball-shaped can represent me! Look what we’ve got here— Balzac antenna balls, Balzac beach balls, Balzac cake pops, Balzac umbrellas…” He looks around the storage proudly, then frowns. “Hey… how come all this stuff is in the warehouse and not on display?”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomB2") is 0>>
“Make the healthy choice for YOUR body,” Balzac says. “Heheh… That was a poster that me and Ernest were on, for school cafeterias. They wanted it to just be us recommending milk, at first? Mal was lactose intolerant, though, so he suggested a poster where we each had a different drink… the milk board didn’t like that, so he went straight to the educational publisher, and THEY loved it!”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 0>>
“There’s no pumpkins in here, right? I hate pumpkins,” Balzac whimpers. “They’re so insincere! You think you’ve just got a weird lumpy basketball, and then SMASH, SPATTER, GLOP on the first dribble and then they have to delay the game to clean it up!”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("C2") is 0>>
“You know? I may have a reputation as a sports star and an indispensable attachment to the Handfuls, but someday?” Balzac puts on a beret. “I want to direct!”
<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomC6") is 0>>
“Did you see that Ernest was a guest on this show?” Balzac says. “I would have done it too, but Sherri said there weren’t any sports-related guests on this show.”
You look at the wall of celebrity signatures. There’s George Foreman, Rickey Henderson, both of the Williams sisters, and even “Refrigerator” Perry! (He played an actual refrigerator!)
“Can you believe that, no sports figures? I would think they’d at least have had Babe Ruth on! But they said he wasn’t answering their emails.” <</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomD4") is 0>>
“Oh, this looks familiar,” Balzac says, looking around. “Yeah, whenever I have a bunch of kids to coach or something, they just make them out of these! …Then they take them apart again when the class is over.” He shakes his head. “You know, sometimes teaching isn’t as fulfilling as they say it is.”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("ElevatorA") is 0>>
“The elevator? AAGH!” Balzac curls into a tight ball. “I’m sorry, I know we have to look up there, but I am VERY afraid of heights so can we please make it quick?”<</if>>
\Here is Ernest, the "Least Weasel".
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Ernest.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Ernest on your hand. He looks proud! <<set $ernest to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Ernest">><<else>>You put Ernest on your hand. He looks proud! <<set $ernest to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Ernest">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Ernest">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Sherri Cola, the red thingy, who is the most fashionable Handful.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Sherri.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Sherri on your hand. She knew you would! <<set $sherri to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Sherri">><<else>>You put Sherri on your hand. She knew you would!<<set $sherri to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Sherri">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Sherri">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Balzac, the sports-loving armadillo.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Balzac.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You unroll Balzac and set him on your hand! "Put me in, coach!" he says excitedly. <<set $balzac to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Balzac">><<else>>You unroll Balzac and set him on your hand! "Put me in, coach!" he says excitedly.<<set $balzac to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Balzac">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Balzac">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. \<<if $fleeing is not true>>
\<<if $ernest is true>><<include "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $sherri is true>><<include "Sherri">><</if>>
\<<if $balzac is true>><<include "Balzac">><</if>>
\<<if $blintz is true>><<include "Blintz">><</if>>
\<<if $moist is true>><<include "Moist">><</if>>
\<<if $koi is true>><<include "Koy">><</if>><<else>><<if $heldpuppets is 2>>$puppet1 and $puppet2 are staying quiet until clear of the danger.<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>$puppet1 is staying quiet until clear of the danger.<</if>><</if>>this is THE SECRET ROOM. Only the highest ranking puppets, and Twine crackers, can enter here.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can go back to [[Room C]].
If you dare... you can go to [[Beast Room A]].
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>\<<if $ticktock is 12>>
\<<set $ticktock to 1>><<else>><<set $ticktock to $ticktock+1>>
\<<if $davepupa is true>><<set $davekillmode to true>><</if>>
\<<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyperkillmode to true>><</if>>
\<<if $sniperpupa is true>><<set $sniperkillmode to true>><</if>>
\<<if $viperpupa is true>><<set $viperkillmode to true>><</if>>
\<<set $davepupa to false>><<set $hyperpupa to false>><<set $sniperpupa to false>><<set $viperpupa to false>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 1>>
\<<set $diaper to 1>>
\<<set $dave to 1>>
\<<set $viper to 7>>
\<<set $hyper to 2>>
\<<set $sniper to 9>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 2>>
\<<set $diaper to 2>>
\<<set $viper to 5>>
\<<set $hyper to 3>>
\<<set $sniper to 4>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 3>>
\<<set $diaper to 3>>
\<<set $viper to 6>>
\<<set $hyper to 2>>
\<<set $sniper to 3>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 4>>
\<<set $diaper to 4>>
\<<set $dave to 2>>
\<<set $viper to 4>>
\<<set $hyper to 3>>
\<<set $sniper to 2>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 5>>
\<<set $diaper to 1>>
\<<set $viper to 3>>
\<<set $hyper to 5>>
\<<set $sniper to 5>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 6>>
\<<set $diaper to 2>>
\<<set $viper to 1>>
\<<set $hyper to 5>>
\<<set $sniper to 8>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 7>>
\<<set $diaper to 3>>
\<<set $dave to 3>>
\<<set $viper to 2>>
\<<set $hyper to 4>>
\<<set $sniper to 7>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 8>>
\<<set $diaper to 4>>
\<<set $viper to 4>>
\<<set $hyper to 6>>
\<<set $sniper to 6>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 9>>
\<<set $diaper to 1>>
\<<set $viper to 3>>
\<<set $hyper to 4>>
\<<set $sniper to 1>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 10>>
\<<set $diaper to 2>>
\<<set $dave to 4>>
\<<set $viper to 6>>
\<<set $hyper to 7>>
\<<set $sniper to 7>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 11>>
\<<set $diaper to 3>>
\<<set $viper to 5>>
\<<set $hyper to 4>>
\<<set $sniper to 5>><</if>>
\<<if $ticktock is 12>>
\<<set $dave to 4>>
\<<set $viper to 7>>
\<<set $hyper to 1>>
\<<set $sniper to 3>><</if>><<if $moist is true>><<if $ticktock is not 1>>"$ticktock minutes," says Moist.
<<if $davepupa is true>><<set $dave to 0>> "We've got <<= 13-$ticktock>> minutes till the thing in the offices wakes up."<</if>><<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyper to 0>> "We've got <<= 13-$ticktock>> minutes till the thing in the studio wakes up."<</if>><<if $sniperpupa is true>><<set $sniper to 0>> "We've got <<= 13-$ticktock>> minutes till the thing in the workshop wakes up."<</if>><<if $viperpupa is true>><<set $viper to 0>> "We've got <<= 13-$ticktock>> minutes till the thing in the kitchen wakes up."<</if>><<else>>"Aaaand..." Moist cocks his head to listen, and the rumbling sound of the roller coaster passes. "That was it. They're all awake now. Twelve minutes till the next one."<</if>><</if>><<if $daveactive is not true>><<set $dave to -100>><</if>><<if $viperactive is not true>><<set $viper to -100>><</if>><<if $hyperactive is not true>><<set $hyper to -100>><</if>><<if $sniperactive is not true>><<set $sniper to -100>><</if>>\<<if lastVisited("Monster Room A") is 0>>
\<<if "ticktock" is 1 or "ticktock" is 5 or "ticktock" is 9>>
<<goto "DiaperCaught">>
Diaper has found you. Game over.<</if>>
<<if "ticktock" is 2 or "ticktock" is 4 or "ticktock" is 6 or "ticktock" is 8 or "ticktock" is 10 or "ticktock" is 12>>
\<<set $incheck to true>>
You can hear a snuffling and pawing sound outside.<</if>><</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("Monster Room B") is 0>>
\<<if "ticktock" is 2 or "ticktock" is 6 or "ticktock" is 10>>
<<goto "DiaperCaught">>
Diaper has found you. Game over.<</if>>
<<if "ticktock" is 1 or "ticktock" is 3 or "ticktock" is 5 or "ticktock" is 7 or "ticktock" is 19 or "ticktock" is 11>>
\<<set $incheck to true>>
You can hear a snuffling and pawing sound outside.<</if>><</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("Monster Room C") is 0>>
\<<if "ticktock" is 3 or "ticktock" is 7 or "ticktock" is 11>>
<<goto "DiaperCaught">>
Diaper has found you. Game over.<</if>>
<<if "ticktock" is 2 or "ticktock" is 4 or "ticktock" is 6 or "ticktock" is 8 or "ticktock" is 10 or "ticktock" is 12>>
\<<set $incheck to true>>
You can hear a snuffling and pawing sound outside.<</if>><</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("Monster Room D") is 0>>
\<<if "ticktock" is 4 or "ticktock" is 8 or "ticktock" is 12>>
<<goto "DiaperCaught">>
Diaper has found you. Game over.<</if>>
<<if "ticktock" is 1 or "ticktock" is 3 or "ticktock" is 5 or "ticktock" is 7 or "ticktock" is 19 or "ticktock" is 11>>
\<<set $incheck to true>>
You can hear a snuffling and pawing sound outside.<</if>><</if>>
<<if $davekillmode is not true>>The green one has found you again.
This entity towers over you on long, funnel-like legs and feet, which seem to emerge from both its hips and shoulders. Its long limbs effectively block any escape.
It bends its elbows to get a good look at you, seeming to extend its neck. The profile of its face seems human through the green spandex, but it's hard to tell for sure what's in there.
<<if $heldpuppets is gt 0>>Once it's sure you cannot escape, it presses one of its funneled hands against $puppet1. With a pneumatic sucking sound, it pulls the puppet off your hand.<<set $ernest to false>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets-1>><<set $davepupa to true>><<set $davecaptive to $puppet1>><</if>>
<<if $puppet2 is "Ernest">>
<<else>><<include "Transformed Monster Gotcha"<</if>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a sticky lollipop attached to your sweatshirt, but you don't find any puppets.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a crumpled photograph of Bernie Brillstein, but you don't find any puppets.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find a key. Its keyhole resembles the letter Z inside the letter O. Must be a keepsake, that won't unlock anything in the studio.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a disembodied pair of puppet legs, but there's no telling which puppet they belong to.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a discarded nametag. "Hello, my name is **Diaper**." Must be a prank.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find an abandoned terrarium which looks like it used to house mice. Either someone had pet mice, or someone had a pet snake. Knowing your old workplace, likely both.<</if>>
<<return "Clearly this room is empty.">><<if $diaper is not 1>>
Beast Room A is safe for now.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|Empty Monster Room]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|Beast Room A]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $diaper is not 2>>You can go southwest to [[Beast Room B]].<<else>>There are scary noises coming from the southwest.<</if>>
<<if $diaper is not 4>>You can go southeast to [[Beast Room D]].<<else>>There are scary noises coming from the southeast.<</if>>
<<else>><<include "DeathDiaper">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>\<<if lastVisited("Beast Room A") is 0>>The letter A turns out to be Diaper in disguise.<<include "DiaperCaught">><</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("Beast Room B") is 0>>This was the wrong place to "B" because Diaper is here! <<include "DiaperCaught">><</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("Beast Room C") is 0>>Room C has something you didn't want to "C"... Diaper.<<include "DiaperCaught">><</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("Beast Room D") is 0>>You should have known. D is for Diaper. He's here.<<include "DiaperCaught">><</if>>
<<if $diaper is not 2>>
Beast Room B is safe for now.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|Empty Monster Room]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|Beast Room B]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $diaper is not 1>>You can go northeast to [[Beast Room A]].<<else>>There are scary noises coming from the southwest.<</if>>
<<if $diaper is not 3>>You can go southeast to [[Beast Room C]].<<else>>There are scary noises coming from the southeast.<</if>>
<<else>><<include "DeathDiaper">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<if $diaper is not 4>>
Beast Room D is safe for now.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|Empty Monster Room]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|Beast Room D]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $diaper is not 1>>You can go northwest to [[Beast Room A]].<<else>>There are scary noises coming from the southwest.<</if>>
<<if $diaper is not 3>>You can go southeast to [[Beast Room C]].<<else>>There are scary noises coming from the southeast.<</if>>
<<else>><<include "DeathDiaper">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<if $diaper is not 3>>
Beast Room C is safe for now.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|Empty Monster Room]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|Beast Room C]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $diaper is not 2>>You can go northwest to [[Beast Room B]].<<else>>There are scary noises coming from the northwest.<</if>>
<<if $diaper is not 4>>You can go northeast to [[Beast Room D]].<<else>>There are scary noises coming from the northeast.<</if>>
<<else>><<include "DeathDiaper">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This white van is your home base. Your partner is at the wheel in case you need to make a fast getaway.
\<<if $fleeing is true>>After that escape, you need to take off the puppets and have a moment to catch your breath. Check the [[Back of the Van]] to see them.<<set $fleeing to false>>
<</if>>
From here you can enter the quadrangle, equip and unequip puppets, and end your adventure if you choose.
[[Organize your puppets.|Back of the Van]]
[[Talk to the driver.|Driver's Side]]
[[Get in the van and leave.|Passenger Side]]
[[Enter the studio lot.|Quadrangle]]
<<include "Inventory">>The double doors of the white van pop open for you, revealing the racks for puppet storage.
\<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>
You have $puppet1 and $puppet2 with you now. [[Take them off?|Empty Hands]]<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>
You have $puppet1. [[Take this puppet off?|Empty Hands]]
<</if>>
\<<if $foundernest is true>><<if $losternest is not true>><<if $ernest is not true>>
• Ernest is here. [[Take Ernest?|Ernest's Stand]]<<else>>
- Ernest's stand is empty because he is on your hand.<</if>><<else>>
//Ernest's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundsherri is true>><<if $lostsherri is not true>><<if $sherri is not true>>
• Sherri Cola is here. [[Take Sherri?|Sherri's Stand]]<<else>>
- Sherri's stand is empty because she is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
Sherri's stand is no longer occupied.<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundbalzac is true>><<if $lostbalzac is not true>><<if $balzac is not true>>
• Balzac is here. [[Take Balzac?|Balzac's Stand]]<<else>>
- Balzac's stand is empty because he is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Balzac's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundblintz is true>><<if $lostblintz is not true>><<if $blintz is not true>>
• Blintz is here. [[Take Blintz?|Blintz's Stand]]<<else>>
- Blintz's stand is empty because she is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Blintz's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundmoist is true>><<if $lostmoist is not true>><<if $moist is not true>>
• Moist is here. [[Take Moist?|Moist's Stand]]<<else>>
- Moist's stand is empty because he is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Moist's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundkoi is true>><<if $lostkoi is not true>><<if $koi is not true>>
• Princess Koy is here. [[Take Koy?|Koy's Stand]]<<else>>
- Princess Koy's stand is empty because she is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Princess Koy's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundork is true>><<if $ork is not true>>
• The Ork is on its mannequin. [[Put on The Ork?|Ork's Stand]]<<else>>
- You're wearing the Ork puppet right now.<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundthud is true>><<if $lostthud is not true>><<if $thud is not true>>
• Dull Thud is here. [[Take Thud?|Thud's Stand]]<<else>>
- Dull Thud's stand is empty because he... it... is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Thud's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundapple is true>><<if $lostapple is not true>><<if $apple is not true>>
• Sour Apple is here. [[Take Apple?|Apple's Stand]]<<else>>
- Sour Apple's stand is no longer occupied because she is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Apple's stand is empty.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundproust is true>><<if $lostproust is not true>><<if $proust is not true>>
• Balzac's soccer ball is here. [[Take it?|Proust's Stand]]<<else>>
- The soccer ball is in your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Balzac's soccer ball is gone...?//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $founddesmond is true>><<if $lostdesmond is not true>><<if $desmond is not true>>
• Devan Pfeffernusse is here. [[Take Devan?|Devan's Stand]]<<else>>
- Devan's stand is empty because he is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Devan's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundmince is true>><<if $lostmince is not true>><<if $mince is not true>>
• Mince Churlishly is here. [[Take Mince?|Mince's Stand]]<<else>>
- Mince's stand is empty because he is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Mince's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundcapnbill is true>><<if $lostcapnbill is not true>><<if $capnbill is not true>>
• Captain Bill Weedles is here. [[Take Cap'n Bill??|Bill's Stand]]<<else>>
- Cap'n Bill's stand is empty because he is on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Captain Bill's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $founddennis is true>><<if $lostdennis is not true>><<if $dennis is not true>>
• Dennis is here. [[Take Dennis?|Dennis's Stand]]<<else>>
- Dennis's stand is empty because they are on your hand now.<</if>><<else>>
//Dennis's stand is no longer occupied.//<</if>><</if>>
There are <<= 14-$totalpuppets>> unoccupied stands waiting.
<<include "Chatterbox">>
[[Return to home base.|The Van]]When the driver gets a minute, she shares some random wisdom with you.
\<<set $rummagenumber to random(13)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
"We're getting paid by the head here… well, yeah, some of these puppets don't have heads, but you get me. More is better. Still, we aren't working on an infinite budget. Our benefactor can pay us for up to ten puppets. Anything else is uncompensated, so don't feel you have to break your neck nabbing them all, all right?"
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
"Those things patrolling the buildings? I've heard of them before. They're called Morphemes. Hell if I know how they make them, but they're Cheney employees. More accurately, they're Cheney intellectual property… something they thought would be a solution to talent going on strike, I heard."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
"Listen, I know it's less scary having the puppets with you, but the smartest thing to do when you get into one of those buildings, at least for the first time, is to not take them. The guards won't hurt you… not at first anyway… so you should probably go exploring with your hands free first."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>"That green one in the office building is a little on the slow side. He stays in each room for three turns, so you have plenty of time to investigate. He only moves counterclockwise, too— but that means he can lap you if you go the wrong way."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>"The orange one in the commissary. It kind of moves in a figure 8 pattern. You better be careful in the dish pit and the bathroom— it goes from one to the other twice. There's no door between those rooms, so I think it's taking the water pipes."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>"Have you seen the blue one in the studio yet? It's really fast— it'll go rocketing down the hallway, popping in and out of every room along the way, but then when it gets back to the two big studio floors, it runs in circles between them a couple of times."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 6>>"The one you really need to look out for is the gray one. The others all travel through air vents, but she never leaves them— she just bungees down like a spider and grabs you! She moves through them in a sort of ‘N' shape, but then she rockets back to the start twice as fast."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 7>>"f you lose something important, like, say, a PUPPET, you should pay attention to the air vents in each building. That's where the guards will take them. Sometimes they just get bored and drop them, but if they like the puppet… uh… well, you're not going to like what happens. "
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 8>>"Have you had anybody grab a puppet off your hand yet? Have you noticed that they always look at your //left// hand, not the right? You might want to think about what order you select your puppets in. "
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 9>>"That armadillo guy sure is skittish, isn't he? Sometimes he'll find a place to hide where those guards will //never// find either of you. Once he finds one, it still works when he's not there, too."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 10>>"If you end up with too many keys and it's taking too long to try them in a lock, you should bring the red worm with you. She knows all the key and lock combinations. What? Well, yeah, of course she's a worm! Didn't you know? Remember the commercials? …Never mind."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 11>>"Having antlers would be nice sometimes, right? It's like an extra pair of hands… or crowbars."
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 12>>"It's been so long since anyone did any work around here, a lot of things have fallen into disrepair. The card reader at R&D, for one, and the power's out inside too… it'd be nice to have a mechanic take a look at that. Or even an inventor!"
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 13>>"If you've got one of those full-body puppets, that'll scare away any security monster that sneaks up on you! But you've got to make sure you know where you're headed, because you won't be able to reach your keys…"
<</if>>
[[Ask for more help?|Driver's Side]]
[[Ready to go.|The Van]]You jump in the passenger side of the car. <<if $heldpuppets is 0>>"Are we ready to roll?" says your partner.
[[I want to leave.|Ending]]
[[I want to go back.|The Van]]<<else>>
"Hey, you can't be wearing those things in here," says your partner. "We've got to drop them off at the rendezvous point after this. What if you spill coffee on $puppet1 there? Put 'em all in the back!"
[[Oh well.|The Van]]<</if>><<if $fleeing is not true>>From here you can access the four buildings. You can also take a good look at the [[mural]] if you want.
<<if $ticktock is 1>>There's a grinding metallic racket from overhead to the north, as the suspended roller coaster roars by once again.<</if>>
Go to the [[Office entrance.]]
Go to the [[Commissary entrance.]]
Go to the [[Studio entrance.]]
<<if $foundork is not true>>Go to the [[Fabrication entrance.|broken card reader]]<<else>>Go to the [[Fabrication entrance.]]<</if>>
<<if hasVisited("Golf Cart") is not true>>[[Wander around and explore the lot|Golf Cart]]<<else>><<if $glovecompartment is not true>>[[Check out that golf cart again|Golf Cart]]<</if>><</if>>
Return to [[The Van]].
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<else>><<include "Flight">><</if>>This is the Something New Mural, painted by Fritz Matthew under guidance of Malcolm Newsome.
These are some of the most familiar characters to arise in the new millennium. You've been seeing them on TV, in movies and and on Internet videos for the last twenty years now; the Handfuls, a group of puppet characters created by Malcolm Newsome. They may be portrayed by various puppeteers, but Malcolm invented the personalities and character interactions that made them beloved stars.
<<linkreplace "Look at the First Row.">>Look at the First Row.
The first row features:
* <<linkreplace "Ernest Weasel.">>''Ernest Weasel''. This is the character Malcolm felt the closest to, and considered a representation of himself. Ernest is a least weasel who wants to prove that he's the 'most'. He's earnest (hence the name), industrious, and always thinks nothing but the best of others-- but he's still the lowest ranking employee, partly because he's very easily distracted and loses focus. <</linkreplace>>
*<<linkreplace "Sherri Cola.">> ''Sherri Cola''. The Handfuls aren't just a pack of puppet pals, they're a business, and Sherri is the boss. She's very stern with Ernest, always keeping a sharp watch on him, but the truth that even she won't admit is that she's desperate for his approval. Although most Handfuls are (sometimes obscure) real animals or mythical creatures, Sherri is a very abstract red puppet, who refers to herself as a "thingy".<</linkreplace>>
*<<linkreplace "Balzac.">> ''Balzac''. When the Handfuls take on a new job, Balzac is always there. This jovial armadillo is a sports aficionado, although he doesn't seem to understand the rules of any sport Ernest may ask him about. He's also very timid, though, and tends to roll into a ball when startled-- sometimes pulling Ernest in along with him. <</linkreplace>>
*<<linkreplace "Blintz.">> ''Blintz''. The Handfuls' wildest wild card is a reindeer; in fact, formerly one of Santa's reindeer, but now she's a mad scientist! Any time the story needs a wacky invention or plot device, Blintz is always there, ready to get blown out of her lab and race back to try again. Many fans also consider her the most beautiful Handful, which frustrates Sherri to no end... especially when Ernest says it.<</linkreplace>>
* <<linkreplace "Moist.">>''Moist''. That name is short for //Belch Moistly//-- and if that doesn't tell you all you need to know about this gleefully gross character, you should know he's also both a game show host //and// a used car salesman. He's an enormous yellow frog in a loud tie who tends to slap his friends on the back way too hard. Moist was a featured character on a children's show which guest starred the Handfuls, but he was such a breakout hit he joined the Handfuls cast himself.<</linkreplace>>
* <<linkreplace "Princess Koy.">>''Princess Koy.'' After years of watching Sherri intimidate Ernest, many fans were enthusiastic to see her get a taste of her own medicine; in the most recent Handfuls production, Princess Koy is just that, Sherri's new boss. She commands respect, being a carp dragon who dresses like the Empress of Japan! But Princess Koy is so laid-back, supportive, and downright //cool// that Sherri doesn't know what to do. <</linkreplace>>
* <<linkreplace "The Ork.">>''The Ork.'' This unusual creature is significantly more realistic in style than the other Handfuls. It's not a Lord of the Rings Orc, though-- it looks more like a propeller-powered velociraptor with a parrot's beak! The Ork was created for Malcolm Newsome's one movie, "The Adventures of Trot and Cap'n Bill", which was an intentional throwback to the classic puppet fantasies of the pre-CGI era.<</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>
<<linkreplace "Look at the Second Row.">>Look at the Second Row.
The characters in the first row are all familiar faces, but the ones in the second are all kind of obscure.
* A ten-ton weight with a frowny face? <<if $foundthud is true>>That's Dull Thud! You know him!<</if>>
* A napa cabbage wearing Groucho glasses? <<if $foundthud is true>>Oh yeah, that's the third one of the original Things! He wasn't a puppet, he was an actual vegetable.<</if>>
* A green caterpillar with a red bow, who's puckering up? <<if $foundapple is true>> It's Sour Apple! She's Sherri Cola's sister!<</if>>
* A soccer ball? ...Actually that one's in the front row, Balzac is spinning it on his finger like a basketball. <<if $foundproust is true>>How disrespectful, Balzac-- that's your mother!<</if>>
* A pointy-eared elf who seems to be celebrating Kwanzaa? <<if $founddesmond is true>> It's because he is! That's Devan Pfeffernusse, the Handful based on comedian Devan Feiffer!<</if>>
* A wet green monkey with a snailshell on its back, balancing dishes on its flat head?? <<if $foundmince is true>>It's Mince Churlishly! He's a kind of Japanese monster called a //kappa,// but he's French!<</if>>
* A bizarrely misshapen and lumpy man, with a green speck on his finger you can't quite make out? <<if $foundcapnbill is true>> ...Now you remember. It's the Bumpy Man from the Trot & Cap'n Bill movie! He's not a Handful, but the tiny grasshopper on his finger is; it's Cap'n Bill himself in grasshopper form.<</if>>
* A Chinese hopping ghost?... Wait, of course you know that one. That's Dennis the Hopper! He's Princess Koy's personal assistant!<</linkreplace>>
<<linkreplace "Look at the Third Row.">>Look at the Third Row.
These are the Something New stars; the puppeteers and other talent who bring the Handfuls to life.
*<<linkreplace "Vince Stocker.">> ''Vince Stocker.'' No puppeteer on the team can bring a //costume// to life like Vince. As Mal's premier full-body puppet performer, he's played such beloved characters as Bad Luck Eggplant and Rocktopus. Before he joined Something New, he was a gifted dancer and mime, talents which he brings to the team as the dance coordinator. If you see a red ponytail flutter by on screen, you know it's "Invincible" Vince.<</linkreplace>>
* <<linkreplace "Kitty Peck.">>''Kitty Peck.'' If there's one person who means as much to you as Mal on this painting, it might be Kitty, because she was the one who saw your potential first and introduced you to the team. Beyond puppetry, Kitty was Mal's most trusted singer and songwriter, having composed classics like "Maybe Santa's Wrong", and Ernest's signature song, "You're The Most". Kitty also might be the most recognized Handfuls performer outside of puppetry, because of her visibility as an outspoken advocate for trans rights. <</linkreplace>>
* <<linkreplace "Lawrence Ruby.">>''Lawrence Ruby.'' The Handfuls just wouldn't be the Handfuls without Lawrence. The original 'Things' show got its start when Lawrence and Malcolm were working at Lawrence's uncle's car wash together, and they worked together ever since. He can always be recognized by the Afro he grew in 1997, and although it's gotten thinner over 25 years, fans still love seeing it bob briefly into frame when he's performing. <</linkreplace>>
* <<linkreplace "Xanthe Gallo.">>''Xanthe Gallo.'' There are so many intriguing mysteries about Xanthe, you can't count them all. How did she become the //prima danseur// of Something New's puppeteers, the single most talented puppet performer of the group by a long shot? Is it really true she was employed by a rival corporation who sent her to spy on Mal, but she defected? Why would a gorgeous blonde woman, who could be, and even once //was//, a runway model, choose to be a puppeteer instead? Were she and Mal really just good friends, or was there more between them? You've always been a little intimidated by her, but when you perform together it's like magic.<</linkreplace>>
* <<linkreplace "Malcolm Newsome.">>''Malcolm Newsome.'' It's honestly a little difficult to look at this image. You can deal with your grief when you're not thinking about it, when you can act like Mal's just on another business trip, but this mission you're on has really driven it home that you're never going to see him again. It hurts and you don't like it.
* Malcolm is accompanied by a woman you've never met, but you remember him explaining it to you: that's his younger sister, ''Maurecia Newsome.'' She had been one of the original four puppeteers on 'Things', and although she hadn't been a puppeteer for ten years now, having left the company to go to law school, Mal wasn't going to leave her out!<</linkreplace>>
* <<linkreplace "You.">>''You.'' Yes, you. When preparations were made for the mural, you had been enthusiastic to see it, but somehow no one got around to telling you you were part of it. It's no secret that you got a little teary-eyed at seeing yourself next to all of these brilliant entertainers; someone snapped a picture of Mal hugging you as you wept, and it ended up on the cover of the 2019 company yearbook.<</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>
[[Back to the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]] The front office has two entrances: the ''Gift Shop'' and the ''Welcome Center''. They're on opposing sides of the same building, the only one on the lot that doesn't also make up part of the wall surrounding the lot. Its facade is in a "Danish Provincial" style, although more colorful than many.
<<if $dave is not 1>>With the ID card around your neck, you're allowed to enter safely through the employee entrance without alarming any guards.
[[Enter the Welcome Center.|RoomA1]]
[[Wait and see what happens.|Office entrance.]]<<else>>You see the silhouette of something moving around in the entry room. You might want to [[wait until it's gone.|Office entrance.]]<</if>>
[[Back to the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]]
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<if $davepupa is true>><<set $dave to 0>><</if>>
<<if $fleeing is not true>>These sliding glass doors are the entryway for the commissary, where performers, office workers, and tourists all break bread together.
<<if $card1 is true>><<if $viper is not 1>>With the ID card around your neck, you're allowed to enter safely through the employee entrance without alarming any guards.
[[Enter the commissary building.|RoomB1]]<<else>>You see the silhouette of something moving around in the entry room. You might want to [[wait until it's gone.|Commissary entrance.]]
If you look closely, you can see its breath fogging the window.
<</if>><<else>>The doors won't open for you without an ID card.<</if>>
[[Return to the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]]<<else>><<include "Flight">><</if>><<if $fleeing is not true>>This is the entrance to the studios, the oldest building on the lot. It's a converted warehouse with a high ceiling and a relatively unimpressive sliding glass door entrance.
<<if $card2 is true>><<if $hyper is not 1>>With the ID card around your neck, you're allowed to enter safely through the employee entrance without alarming any guards.
[[Enter the studio.|RoomC1]]<<else>>You see the silhouette of something moving around in the entry room. You might want to [[wait until it's gone.|Studio entrance.]]<</if>><<else>>Unfortunately, the doors won't open for you without an ID card.<</if>>
[[Return to the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]]
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<else>><<include "Flight">><</if>><<if $fleeing is not true>>This large warehouse is the puppet workshop, internally referred to as R&D. Skilled craftsmen and talented performers work side by side here to create the Handfuls as a joint effort.
The front walkway is strewn with large pieces of broken metal, which you now recognize as pieces of the stairway from inside. It must have been dragged outside by vandals... or someone.
<<if $sniper is not 1>>With the ID card around your neck, you're allowed to enter safely through the employee entrance without alarming any guards.
[[Enter the warehouse.|RoomD1]]<<else>>You see the silhouette of something moving around in the entry room. You might want to [[wait until it's gone.|Studio entrance.]]<</if>>
[[Return to the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]]<<else>><<include "Flight">><</if>>This is the Welcome Center.
<<if $dave is not 1>>
This large, round room is part museum, part tourist information kiosk. The arc-shaped desk in the center is a reception area for both guests and visitors on business, and the walls of the room are printed with images showing the by now familiar history of this studio lot, and how the Handfuls came to be the "owners". You can't see them very well because the lights are off; the central air is still on, though, and you can hear air rushing through a ceiling vent.
<<include "Air Vent 1">>
<<if $foundthud is not true>>The [[empty glass case]] where you found Ernest stands in the middle of the room.<<else>>The room has an empty puppet display where you already found both Ernest and Dull Thud.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchA1]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomA1]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $dave is not 2>>You can go south to [[the office|RoomA2]].<<else>><<include "DaveSouth">><</if>>
<<else>> You're not feeling very welcome right now, though.<<include "DaveEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the business office of the studio lot.
<<if $dave is not 2>>
Significantly less welcoming and fun than the welcome center, the office nevertheless maintains a cheery color scheme, and gentle whimsical touches like the weasel-shaped drawer pulls make even filing cabinets more fun to interact with. There are two banks of cubicles with four cubicles each, but fully half of them are empty.
\<<if $dave is not 4>><<if $balzac is true>>"Something's close to us. We should hide," says Balzac nervously. [["Right there!"|Empty Filing Cabinet]]<</if>><</if>>
\<<if hasVisited("Empty Filing Cabinet")>>There's still a [[filing cabinet|Empty Filing Cabinet]] here you can hide in.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchA2]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomA2]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $dave is not 1>>You can go north to [[the welcome center|RoomA1]].<<else>><<include "DaveNorth">><</if>>
<<if $dave is not 3>>You can go east to [[the storage room|RoomA3]].<<else>><<include "DaveEast">><</if>>
<<else>> It feels like you should have minded your own business, though.<<include "DaveEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<if $davepupa is true>><<set $dave to 0>><</if>>This is the storage warehouse of the lot's gift shop.
<<if $dave is not 3>>
Although it's hardly the size of a normal store's backstage storage, there's a lot of space when you pack this room as efficiently as the last office manager. You have to pick and choose your steps very carefully, though, or you may find yourself climbing a stairway of boxes and cartons that you would easily step over in brighter light.
\<<if $dave is not 1>><<if $balzac is true>>"Something's close to us. We should hide," says Balzac nervously. [["Right there!"|Tall Cardboard Box]]<</if>><</if>>
\<<if hasVisited("Tall Cardboard Box")>>There's a [[cardboard box|Tall Cardboard Box]] big enough for you to hide in.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchA3]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomA3]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $barrelkey is not true>><<if $koi is true>>Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus on the [[desk of the loading dock.|SearchA3]] "There's something," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $dave is not 2>>You can go west to [[the business office|RoomA2]].<<else>><<include "DaveWest">><</if>>
<<if $dave is not 4>>You can go north to [[the gift shop|RoomA4]].<<else>><<include "DaveNorth">><</if>>
<<else>> Unfortunately, there's a surprise in store for you here.<<include "DaveEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<if $davepupa is true>><<set $dave to 0>><</if>>This is the ''Something New Gift Shop.''
<<if $dave is not 4>>
Due to the abrupt and unannounced closure of the studio lot, the gift shop is still fully stocked, as if it would be open again in just a few hours.
This gift shop is an overstuffed maze of familiar characters and catch phrases. There's a wall of T-shirts, racks of jackets and windbreakers, commemorative coffee table books, and so many kinds of toys! Normally it would be bright and colorful; in the dark, with the lights off, it feels sort of like a puppet-themed version of Hot Topic.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchA4]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomA4]] if you think that would be safer.
You can exit west, to the [[Quadrangle]].
<<if $dave is not 3>>You can go south to [[the storage room|RoomA3]].<<else>><<include "DaveSouth">><</if>>
<<if $dave is 1>>Nasty noises are coming from the air vent over the cash register.<</if>>
<<else>> And yes, something new has arrived.<<include "DaveEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<if $davepupa is true>><<set $dave to 0>><</if>>
This is the Don Sahlin Memorial Ballroom. <<if $viper is not 1>>
This large and open eating area was available to rent for events, before the studio lot closed. There are about 20 tables, with a large stack of wooden chairs near the exit. There's also a small stage to the south, replete with its own sound system and mini disco ball!
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchB1]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomB1]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $viper is not 3>>You can go north to [[dishwashing|RoomB3]].<<else>><<include "ViperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 2>>You can go west to [[the cafeteria|RoomB2]].<<else>><<include "ViperWest">><</if>>
You can go east to the [[Commissary entrance.]]
<<else>> It might feel more like your own memorial, though.<<include "ViperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the dish pit-- the area of the kitchen devoted to dishwashing.<<if $viper is not 5>>
There's a three-chambered sink, an industrial dishwasher, and an air dryer. The tiled floor has rubber mats to prevent slipping. Thankfully, there's no gross unwashed dishes.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchB3]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomB3]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $viper is 5 or 1>><<if $balzac is true>>"Something's close to us. We should hide," says Balzac nervously. [["Right there!"|Industrial Dishwasher]]<</if>><</if>>
\<<if hasVisited("Industrial Dishwasher")>>There's still an [[unused dishwasher|Industrial Dishwasher]] here you can hide in.<</if>><<if $tinykey is not true>><<if $koi is true>>
Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus on the [[three-chambered sink.|SearchB3]] "There's something," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 5>>You can go north to the [[kitchen.|RoomB5]]<<else>><<include "ViperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 1>>You can go south to [[the ballroom.|RoomB1]]<<else>><<include "ViperSouth">><</if>>
<<else>> But it's you who's about to get their clock cleaned. <<include "ViperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the cafeteria! Here's where the stars and behind-the-camera workers get their eats. <<if $viper is not 2>>
Far from the drear and grime of a school cafeteria, this combination cafeteria and office lounge has comfortable chairs and booths, a counter for single diners, and an assortment of buffet tables and bars for diners to choose all kinds of ready-made meals, no waiting. Of course there's no food now, since it's after midnight and the whole place is dark.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchB2]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomB2]] if you think that would be safer.<<if $foundproust is not true>><<if $koi is true>>
Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus under a [[cafeteria table.|SearchB2]] "There's something," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 4>>You can go north to [[the restroom.|RoomB4]]<<else>><<include "ViperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 1>>You can go east to [[the ballroom.|RoomB1]]<<else>><<include "ViperEast">><</if>>
<<else>>
It looks like the special of the day... is //you.//.<<include "ViperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the restroom. <<if $viper is not 4>>
It's a large family restroom with many private stalls, and a secluded space for nursing mothers and other special needs. This restroom is shared by both the cafe and the cafeteria, so it has a large number of stalls to use. There are no standing urinals.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchB4]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomB4]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $viper is 6 or 2>><<if $milkbar is not true>><<if $balzac is true>>"Something's close to us. We should hide," says Balzac nervously. [["Right there!"|Lactation Station]]
<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if hasVisited("Lactation Station")>>There's still a [[convenient booth|Lactation Station]] here you can hide in.<</if>>
<<if $viper is not 6>>You can go north to [[the cafe.|RoomB6]]<<else>><<include "ViperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 2>>You can go south to [[the cafeteria.|RoomB2]]<<else>><<include "ViperSouth">><</if>>
<<else>>Too late for your pants, though.<<include "ViperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the Sherri Cola Cafe. <<if $viper is not 6>>
This is where tourists come to lunch or snack during their tour. There are displays for bagels, ice cream, coffee, donuts, and all kinds of impulse snacks. There's a diner-style counter, but the decor is very 80s; bright neon upholstery and tiled floor, with wacky "splat" patterns on the walls.
<<if $foundsherri is not true>>This cafe is named after one of the best-known Handfuls, Sherri Cola. In fact, [[there she is!|Sherri Case]] Sherri is on display in a glass case.<<else>>There's an empty glass case by the doorway, where you found Sherri before.
<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchB6]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomB6]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $viper is not 7>>You can go north to [[food storage.|RoomB7]]<<else>><<include "ViperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 5>>You can go east to the [[kitchen.|RoomB5]]<<else>><<include "ViperEast">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 4>>You can go south to the [[restroom.|RoomB4]]<<else>><<include "ViperSouth">><</if>>
There's also an [[exit to the street]], to the west. If you have to make a quick escape, it may be worth the extra trouble.
<<else>>You can't take a coffee break here, though.<<include "ViperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the prep kitchen. <<if $viper is not 7>>
This is where food is stored, onions are peeled, and displays are prepared. Prep cooks used to bustle around in here, chopping meat for the chefs and wheeling out trucks of bottled drinks for the cafe. <<include "Air Vent 2">>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchB7]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomB7]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $viper is not 6>>You can take the [[western exit|RoomB6]] to the Cafe, south. <<else>>There are nasty noises coming from the western door.<</if>>
<<if $viper is not 5>>You can take the [[eastern exit|RoomB5]] to the Kitchen, also south. <<else>>There are nauseating noises coming from the other door.<</if>>
\<<if $blintz is not true>>
\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
There's a walk-in freezer, but the handle is frozen shut-- you'll need both hands to lift it.<<else>>
With both hands free, and a little effort, you can inspect the [[freezer.|RoomB8]]<</if>><<else>>
You can use Blintz's antlers to [[open the freezer door!|RoomB8]] Not that you need to, since you already have her.<</if>>
<<else>>You're in the soup now... <<include "ViperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the main kitchen. <<if $viper is not 5>>
There are a number of cooking stations along the counters: you see a deli slicer, a pizza oven, and the center of the room is an island of ovens and grills for the line cooks.
Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be anything here you could defend yourself with in case of an emergency. Clearly someone who was expecting you got here first.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchB5]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomB5]] if you think that would be safer.<<if $foundmince is not true>><<if $koi is true>>
Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus on the [[pizza oven.|SearchB5]] "There's something," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 7>>You can go North to the [[Prep Kitchen.|RoomB7]]<<else>><<include "ViperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 6>>You can go West to the [[cafe.|RoomB6]]<<else>><<include "ViperWest">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 3>>You can go South to [[Dishwashing.|RoomB3]]<<else>><<include "ViperSouth">><</if>>
<<else>>You're in the soup now...
<<include "ViperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
|==================================================|
This pipe connects Dishwashing with the restrooms. You can't go through here but the monster can. Hey, what are you doing reading this message, CHEATER?It may be redundant since this is a freezer, but it's freezing in here!
The good news is that since the freezer only locks from the inside, nothing can get you in here. The bad news is, as previously stated, it's //freezing// in here! You don't know how long you can stand it.
You can [[search|SearchB8]] for clues... if you don't freeze first.
<<if $viper is not 7>>It sounds like it's safe now to return to the [[kitchen|RoomB7]].<<else>>There are awful noises coming through the door. Maybe you'd better [[wait in here|RoomB8]] for another minute.<</if>>
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the lobby for the recording studio. <<if $hyper is not 1>>
Most of it is dedicated to space for standing in line, but there's a reception desk, a couple of couches, a couple of potted ferns for ambiance. Unlike many of the other buildings, the electricity is still on in this one, and the lights are blinding in many places.
<<include "Air Vent 3">> <<if $foundbalzac is not true>>
There is also a large glass case with a Handful on display inside. It's Balzac! <<if $keyring is true>>[[Maybe try one of your keys.|Balzac Key]]<<else>>But the case is locked and you don't have a key that fits.<</if>><</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchC1]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomC1]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $hyper is not 2>>You can go north to [[the soundstage|RoomC2]].<<else>><<include "HyperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 4>>You can go west to the [[hallway.|RoomC4]]<<else>><<include "HyperWest">><</if>>
You can go south to the [[Studio entrance.]]
<<else>> Right now, you're wishing you had something to lob.
<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
\<<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyper to 0>><</if>>This is the main soundstage. <<if $hyper is not 2>>
It's difficult to tell what was being filmed last on this soundstage, because the studio lot was abandoned partway through striking the set. There are partially assembled walls and partitions all around, and all the cameras are still in position. Even the craft services table has cold coffee and stale bagels.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchC2]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomC2]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $viper is not 3>>You can go west to [[the Green Screen set|RoomC3]].<<else>><<include "HyperWest">><</if>>
<<if $viper is not 1>>You can go south to the [[lobby|RoomC1]].<<else>><<include "HyperSouth">><</if>>
<<else>> Lights... camera... //death.//
<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
\<<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyper to 0>><</if>>This is the hallway.<<if $hyper is not 4>>
This large hallway is where audience members wait for their shows to start. It's walled with sound-dampening materials. Your feet don't echo; it's as if the walls are holding their breath.
\<<if lastVisited("RoomC6") is 1>><<set $dineropen to true>>
You unlock the door to the set on your way through. Now the door can be opened from the hallway.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
There's nowhere to search here. You can [[just wait|RoomC4]] if you think that would be safer.<<if $hyper is not 1 or 2>><<if $balzac is true>><<if $benchtipped is not true>>
"That blue thing is so fast... but there's almost nowhere to hide," Balzac winces. "There's benches... what if we tipped one over so it didn't see us as it ran through?"
[[That might be a good idea.|Tipped Bench]]<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if hasVisited("Tipped Bench")>>
There's still a [[tipped-over bench|Tipped Bench]] here you can hide behind.<</if>>
There are three exits on the west wall.
<<if $hyper is not 5>><<if $soundstageopen is true>>You can take the northmost door to [[the live studio.|RoomC5]]<<else>>The northmost door is locked. <<if $keyring is true>>[[Try your keychain?|Soundstage Key]]<</if>> <</if>><<else>>You hear feet racing past the northernmost door.<</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 6>><<if $dineropen is true>>You can take the middle door to the [[Children's Show Set.|RoomC6]]<<else>>The middle door is locked.<</if>><<else>>You hear feet racing on the other side middle door.<</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 7>>You can take the southmost door to [[makeup|RoomC7]].<<else>>You hear feet racing on the other side of the southernmost door.<</if>>
There are two more exits on the east wall:
<<if $hyper is not 3>>You can take the northmost door to [[the Green Screen set|RoomC3]].<<else>>You hear feet racing past the northmost door.<</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 1>>You can take the south door to the [[lobby|RoomC1]].<<else>>You hear feet racing past the south door.<</if>>
<<else>> And //this// is why people are afraid of liminal spaces.
<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
\<<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyper to 0>><</if>>This is the greenscreen soundstage. <<if $hyper is not 3>>
This room is so blindingly //green// it's hard to actually see anything. There are almost invisibly green obstacles in your way; on screen they can be anything from boulders to sofas, but here they're just green geometric shapes.
\<<if $greenlightoff is not true>><<if $blintz is not true>>It would be a lot less unpleasant in here if there wasn't an extremely bright green spotlight focused on the wall. You'd actually prefer to turn it off, but you don't know how the lighting control panel works.<<else>>"Kringle me, that green light is obnoxious," winces Blintz. "Do you want me to turn it off? [[I can work the lighting controls...|RoomC3][$greenlightoff to true]] if you think we have time."<</if>><<else>><<if $foundapple is not true>>The green spotlight has been switched off. Now that you're not being blinded, you see [[a puppet|Meet Apple]] right where the spotlight was aimed.<</if>><</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchC3]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomC3]] if you think that would be safer.<<if $foundapple is not true>><<if $koi is true>>
Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus on the [[green spotlight.|Meet Apple]] "There's something camouflaged by that light," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 4>>You can go west to the [[Hallway.|RoomC4]]<<else>><<include "HyperWest">><</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 2>>You can go east to the [[Studio Set.|RoomC2]]<<else>><<include "HyperEast">><</if>>
<<else>> //What's that blue thing doing here??//
<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
\<<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyper to 0>><</if>>This is the live studio. <<if $hyper is not 5>>
This is where programs and announcements are filmed before a live studio audience. No set is in place at this time. There are about 200 seats, but you don't have time to search every single one.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchC5]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomC5]] if you think that would be safer.<<if $founddesmond is not true>><<if $koi is true>>
Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus on a [[specific seat in the back row.|SearchC5]] "There's something way back there," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 4>>You can go east to [[the hallway.|RoomC4]]<<else>><<include "HyperEast">><</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 6>>There is an [[exit to the south|RoomC6]]. It seems to lead to another studio.<<else>><<include "HyperSouth">><</if>>
<<else>> But that may be all that's live here, in a few seconds.
<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
\<<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyper to 0>><</if>>This is the set of Count Spatula's Silver Spoon.<<if $hyper is not 6>>
To your surprise, this familiar set is still in place; you can hardly believe you're really here. Here you are on the set of Silver Spoon, the educational children's show set in an all-night diner, hosted by the undead fry cook Count Spatula. Nothing seems to be missing, from the napkin dispensers on the counter to the spinning diner counter seats.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchC6]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomC6]] if you think that would be safer.<<if $foundmoist is not true>><<if $koi is true>>
Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus under a [[stool at the diner counter.|SearchC6]] "There's something," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 4>>You can go north to [[the soundstage.|RoomC5]]<<else>><<include "HyperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $hyper is not 6>>There's an eastern exit to the [[hallway|RoomC4][$dineropen to true]]. <<if $dineropen is not true>>It was locked on the other side, but you can unlock it from here.<</if>><<else>><<include "HyperEast">><</if>>
<<else>> Here there be monsters.
<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
\<<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyper to 0>><</if>>This is the costuming department. <<if $hyper is not 7>>
There are several white dressing booths equipped with mirrors for the actors, and a number of makeup chairs, the comfortable kind you can spend a few hours in for your appliance application.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchC7]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomC7]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $hyper is not 4>>You can return to the [[hallway|RoomC4]] to the east.<<else>><<include "HyperEast">><</if>>
<<else>> You should have worn a disguise.
<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
\<<if $hyperpupa is true>><<set $hyper to 0>><</if>>This is the check-in desk for R&D. <<if $sniper is not 1>>
This is mostly just a desk for signing in and out. They don't want anyone leaving with tools in their pockets, after all.
This warehouse is well ventilated. There's a huge ventilation shaft with vents in all corners of the warehouse, plus the center.
The second level of the warehouse can be seen from here. It's mostly longterm storage. There used to be a steel staircase that could take you up there, but now it's lying in pieces outside the warehouse.
There is also a [[service elevator|ElevatorA]] here. <<if $elevator is true>><<if $elevatorkey is true>>You can take it to the catwalk that overlooks the rest of the warehouse.<<else>><<if $elevatorkey is not true>>The power is on, but it's locked in place.<</if>> <<if $keyring is true>>[[You could try one of your keys.|Elevator Key]]<</if>><</if>><<else>>Unfortunately, it's broken and won't move.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD1]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD1]] if you think that would be safer.
The way north is walled off by a wall of tall shelving.
<<if $sniper is not 1>>You can continue east to [[the tool bench.|RoomD2]]<<else>><<include "SniperEast">><</if>>
You can go [[south|Fabrication entrance.]] to leave the building.
<<else>> But if you check in, you won't check out.<<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>The freight elevator is really just a sort of mobile porch, safety yellow, with a gate you can close behind you and a button to operate it. It goes up and it goes down.
<<if $elevator is true>>[[Up|RoomD6][$catwalk to true]] to the catwalk.
[[Down|RoomD1][$catwalk to false]] to the entrance.<<else>>Unfortunately, with power restored and the lights on, it's now clear something is very wrong with this elevator-- the blue sparks that shower out of the breaker box when you step on the platform are a dead giveaway. The elevator cannot be safe to use in this state.<<if $blintz is not true>>
[[Return to entrance.|RoomD1]]<<else>>
Blintz perks up on your arm. "Yikes, let me take a look at that. You mind taking a knee?"
You kneel and allow her to inspect the metal box, swinging the door open casually with her antlers. "Hecksy-shooties, I think we must have gotten hit by copper wire thieves!" She shakes her head disapprovingly. "And //amateurish// ones at that, they didn't even get the right ones... I could probably fix this."
Blintz starts rolling her head back and forth, as if doing neck stretches; in a moment you realize she's trying to get the roll of duct tape off her antler. Showing remarkable presence of mind, you pull it off and hand it to her. "Thanks! See, Igor? You're a productive member of the team too!"
In moments, she's gotten the sparking panel under... control. "That ought to do it," she says as the two of you stand up. "The control panel that turns the elevator system on and off should be nearby. Do you have a key for it?"
[[Let's go look.|RoomD1][$elevator to true]]<</if>><</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the tool library. <<if $sniper is not 2>>
It's largely a big peg board. The tools are all hanging on hooks with tags. Many have been customized with the faces of the puppets they're most often seen servicing!
North is another shelving rack. South is the outer wall.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD2]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD2]] if you think that would be safer.<<if $foundcapnbill is not true>><<if $koi is true>>
Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus on the [[underside of the desk.|SearchD2]] "There's something," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 3>>You can go east to [[electrical maintenance.|RoomD3]]<<else>><<include "SniperEast">><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 1>>You can go west to [[the check-in desk.|RoomD1]]<<else>><<include "SniperWest">><</if>>
<<else>> You're about to get shushed.<<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the northern service elevator.
<<if $elevatorB is not true>>You couldn't have reached it from the floor, but thanks to the catwalk, you've found your way in at last.
There are two keys waiting for you here! One is the key that activates this elevator, which seems to have been left in the ignition. The other is a brass key hanging from a strap on the wall.<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't do either one with both your hands occupied, though.
[[Return|RoomD7][$catwalk to true]] to the catwalk.<<else>>
You switch the ignition key to 'on', and hear the elevator thrum. ''You can now use the northern elevator.''<<set $elevatorB to true>>
You take the small brass key from the wall and put it on your lanyard. ''You now have the brass key.''<<if $sherri is true>>
"That goes to the archival room," says Sherri. "It's here in R&D somewhere. I'd point it out, but, elevator."<</if>><<set $brasskey to true>>
[[Up|RoomD7][$catwalk to true]] to the catwalk.
[[Down|RoomD8][$catwalk to false]] to the entrance.<</if>><<else>>
The elevator is still on. No need to turn it off... it'll be knocked down tomorrow anyway.
[[Up|RoomD7][$catwalk to true]] to the catwalk.
[[Down|RoomD8][$catwalk to false]] to the entrance.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the dressmaking area. <<if $sniper is not 5>>
This is a bank of sewing machine benches. Each one was manned by a skilled tailor, whose talents were invaluable in clothing all these puppets. In many cases, these machines are also used to construct the puppets themselves.
The sewing machines take up two rows of desks to the north. South of you is a tall shelf filled with bolts of cloth and rolls of foam rubber.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD5]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD5]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $sniper is 8 or 2>><<if $haystack is not true>><<if $balzac is true>>"It's above us, isn't it," says Balzac, starting to shake. "I've got a really bad feeling... I think we should hide. I can't predict when this thing will be close!"
[[Maybe hiding is a good idea.|Fabric Cutting Table]]
<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if hasVisited("Fabric Cutting Table")>>The [[cutting table|Fabric Cutting Table]] is a good place to hide if you need it.<</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 6>>You can go [[west|RoomD6]] to the machine shop.<<else>><<include "SniperWest">><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 4>>You can go [[east|RoomD4]] to the puppet parts.<<else>><<include "SniperEast">><</if>>
<<else>> You're starting to get a needling feeling yourself.<<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>Here's the electrical section. <<if $sniper is not 3>>
Wood and rubber are the name of the game here. Complex electrical equipment is wired and soldered here, both from salvaged parts and custom-made right here in the workshop. There are even some wooden breadboards here, for building proof of concept models on.
A raised step in the center of this area, the size of a wooden pallet, marks where the Ork was standing before you found it. The supports and wires that held it up are still here.
There's a large fuse box on the east wall here, which is powered on again thanks to Blintz. It was too dark to see anything before she did that!
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD3]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD3]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $sniper is not 4>>You can go [[north|RoomD4]] to the puppet parts library.<<else>><<include "SniperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 3>>You can go [[west|RoomD2]] to the tool bench.<<else>><<include "SniperWest">><</if>>
<<else>> You're in for a shock.<<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>Welcome to the Features Library. <<if $sniper is not 4>>
Puppets are often constructed from numerous modular pieces that can be swapped in and out, and the Features Library is a good way to make sure that matching eyes and ears stay together, tongues can be arranged by color and length, and so on. Very few of the puppets you've collected have interchangeable features like these, though.
The Features Library takes up a whole rack of shelves to your north, and the wall to the east.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD4]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD4]] if you think that would be safer.<<if $founddennis is not true>><<if $koi is true>>
Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus on an [[open puppet parts drawer.|SearchD4]] "There's something," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 5>>You can go [[west|RoomD5]] to the dressmaking area.<<else>><<include "SniperWest">><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 3>>You can go [[south|RoomD3]] to the electrical station.<<else>><<include "SniperSouth">><</if>>
<<else>> Now featuring... DEATH. <<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<if $catwalk is true>> You're walking a iron catwalk high above the machining area. This is primarily for servicing the ventilation, but some things are being stored up here in cardboard boxes as well.<<if $sniper is 6>>
From this high position, you see something alarming. Abruptly, one of the vents overhead belches out what might be a humanoid figure, the color of smoke from a house fire, which seems to drip down and strike the concrete floor with an alarming slap. Then it pulls back into the vent, backwards, its lower half stretched like putty and its featureless face glancing around with an expression you can't read. If it sees you, it doesn't let you know it.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD6CW]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD6]] if you think that would be safer.
You can walk [[further north|RoomD7]] on the catwalk from here.
You can go south to [[the repaired elevator.|ElevatorA]]<<else>>This is the machining area.<<if $sniper is not 6>>
Each of the workbenches here is equipped with a woodworking or metalworking machine; there are drills, grinders, lathes, a jigsaw, circular saw, and even a hobbing machine. There is also a small assortment of seemingly authentic obsolete machines, including a potter's wheel, spinning wheel, and grindstone, for an authentic look when making props.
An iron catwalk can be seen hugging the upper wall to the west. The south is blocked by a tall scaffold shelf that stores raw materials, including sheet metal and clay.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD6]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD6]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $sniper is not 7>>You can go north [[to the computer lab|RoomD7]] from here. <<else>><<include "SniperNorth">><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 5>>You can go east [[to the dressmaking area|RoomD5]] from here.<<else>><<include "SniperEast">><</if>>
<<else>> Soon you may look like //you// went through a machine.<<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the computer lab.
\<<if $catwalk is true>> You're walking a iron catwalk high above the computer lab. Watch your step to avoid tripping over old, obsolete computer hardware that got left up here when it got replaced.<<if $sniper is 7>>
From this high position, you see something alarming. Abruptly, one of the vents overhead seems to belch out what might be a humanoid figure, the color of smoke from a house fire, which seems to drip down and strike the concrete floor with an alarming slap. Then it pulls back into the vent, backwards, its lower half stretched like putty and its featureless face glancing around with an expression you can't read. If it sees you, it doesn't let you know it.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD7CW]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD7]] if you think that would be safer.
You can enter [[the northern elevator.|ElevatorB]]
You can walk [[further south|RoomD6]] on the catwalk from here. <<else>><<if $sniper is not 6>>
This corner of the warehouse looks like a high school computer lab. Several desktop Macs (and Windows PCs as well) are arranged on a wall of desks. The numerous hardbound books, hand-lettered notebooks, and scraps with important reminders scattered around, however, suggest that this is more specifically a CAD lab: a place to envision sets, props, and even puppets, through computer-assisted design.
An iron catwalk stretches over this area, turning at the warehouse's corner.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD7]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD7]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $sniper is not 8>>You can go south [[to the machine shop|RoomD6]] from here. <<else>><<include "SniperSouth">><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 5>>You can go east [[to 3D printing lab|RoomD8]] from here.<<else>><<include "SniperEast">><</if>>
<<else>> Soon you may look like //you// went through a machine. .<<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the "Maker Space". <<if $sniper is not 8>>
This area has a number of odd-looking and diverse devices sitting on desks; in the limited light, it takes a moment to recognize them all as 3D printers. There are numerous kinds, each serving a different purpose, including a couple of intimidatingly large ones. There are also some large-format 2D printers, which are handy for making façades.
There's a lot of very expensive equipment here, so watch your step. This area is dominated by a towering pegboard, home to an array of large spools: rolls of plastic filament.
<<if $elevatorB is true>>The north wall features a [[freight elevator|ElevatorB]], which gives access to the iron catwalk hugging the north wall.<<else>>There's a freight elevator which gives access to the catwalk, but it's currently on the top level, and the button to call it isn't responding.<</if>>
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD8]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD8]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $sniper is not 9>>You can go east to [[the shed.|RoomD9]]<<else>><<include "SniperEast">><</if>>
<<if $sniper is not 7>>You can go west to [[the computer lab.|RoomD7]]<<else>><<include "SniperWest">><</if>>
<<else>> You're about to meet _your_ maker.<<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This is the archival shed. <<if $sniper is not 9>>
This pre-fab shed is the size of a small room. Its metal walls have dozens of pictures, sketches, and photographs adorning them, held on with tape or magnets.<<include "Air Vent 4">>
<<if $brasskey is true>>
<<if $foundkoi is true>>
This is the workshop's reference library. The bookshelves along the walls hold numerous books of photographs and filmstrips of everything one might want to build a puppet of, and the filing cabinets serve as an archive of two decades' worth of puppet designs, sketches, and ideas. It feels like being in some external lobe of Mal Newsome's brain.<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You might be able to unlock the padlock on the door if you had a free hand, but yours are both occupied!<</if>><<else>>The little brass key on your lanyard might [[open the padlock.|FoundKoy]]<</if>><<else>>The door to the shed is locked with a padlock. It's not a very stable shed so you don't want to risk kicking the door down-- the whole shed might collapse.<<if $sherri is true>>
"Smells like a brass key to me. It might be up on the catwalk?" Sherri hunches to sniff, seeming to squint through her sunglasses. "They were taking inventory, moving significant stuff from storage to archival, when everything shut down." <</if>><</if>>
You can exit to the [[west|RoomD8]].
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|SearchD9]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD9]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $sniper is not 8>>You can go west to [[the maker space.|RoomD8]]<<else>><<include "SniperWest">><</if>>
<<else>> For you, it's a ''blood'' shed.<<include "SniperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>It was just six weeks ago that you went on national television and told the whole country that you had the best job in the world. Everyone saw your beaming face for the first time, with your boss applauding wildly for you, and that interview has been watched countless times since then.
Now, here it is, February, and [[your new job]] isn't nearly as great as that last one.
Your partner is driving an unmarked van, with you riding shotgun, in silence. You're both wearing knit balaclava masks to protect your identities from each other. You have no idea who she is; if she recognizes you, she hasn't said anything.
It's close to midnight, but the freeways in Los Angeles are never really deserted. Your partner taps the steering wheel in impatience as she waits for an opportunity to take an exit. When the chance finally comes, she has to make a crazy swing across two lanes to make it to the exit, making the tires squeal. That's the kind of attention you don't need.
Once you leave the freeway, it's darkened streets and back alleys all the way. You begin to wonder if your partner is lost, and are about to offer directions before you remember that would give away your identity.
In a second, things start looking very familiar again, and you know exactly where you are.
It's [[your old job]].You're back at ''Something New Studios.''
The brownstone walls with wrought iron fencing at the top is iconic enough to your eyes, but the mural painted on the side of the largest building would confirm your location to anyone. Some of the most iconic and beloved characters of this millennium have been immortalized on this wall, all posed together despite their wildly varying sizes; it's a surreal but clever homage to the Sergeant Pepper album cover.
You can clearly see some of the most prominent ones, even from the street: the faces of ''Ernest, Sherri Cola, Balzac and Blintz'' can be seen peeking over the brick walls.
Towering over the studio, you can easily see the serpentine tracks of ''Red Riding Hood: The Ride'', a suspended roller coaster that gives an amazing view of the whole studio, although it's too fast to appreciate. The northern wall of the studio is actually the border between Something New Studios and ''Cheney's Great West Coast'', the new theme park that opened ten years ago and has been growing ever since.
The iron gates of the studio now sport a banner stating: "Coming Soon! Another Splendiferous Cheney's Adventure!"
Your partner reaches for the rearview mirror, pressing a button built into it, and [[the gates start to open.|Title Page]]
<center>The Hungry Reader Presents:
<h1>Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head</h1>
a game by E.Z. Poschman
[[Begin Game|Briefing]]
[[Credits]]
[[Hints]]</center>
[[~~Skip Tutorial~~|skipyes]]
\<<set $ticktock to 1>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 0>>
\<<set $foundpuppets to 0>>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $foundernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to false>>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $foundsherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to false>>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $foundbalzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to false>>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $foundblintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to false>>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $foundmoist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to false>>
\<<set $ork to false>>
\<<set $foundork to false>>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $foundkoi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to false>>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $foundthud to false>>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $foundapple to false>>
\<<set $foundproust to false>>
\<<set $founddesmond to false>>
\<<set $foundmince to false>>
\<<set $foundcapnbill to false>>
\<<set $founddennis to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to false>>
\<<set $diaper to 0>>
\<<set $hyper to 0>>
\<<set $viper to 0>>
\<<set $sniper to 0>>
\<<set $dave to 0>>
\<<set $hyperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $viperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $sniperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $davekillmode to false>>
\<<set $card1 to false>>
\<<set $card2 to false>>
\<<set $card3 to false>>
\<<set $totalpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $fleeing to false>>
\<<set $MonsterTarget to "Ernest">>
\<<set $daveactive to true>>
\<<set $viperactive to true>>
\<<set $hyperactive to true>>
\<<set $sniperactive to true>>
<center><h6>[[Let's just CHEAT!|Cheating Wing]]</h6></center>The van is parked against the back wall of one of the buildings. It doesn't stand out against the blank wall, and the mural is on the opposite wall, drawing attention away from your vehicle.
Once you're parked, your partner sits mutely in the driver's seat for a moment, not looking at you just yet. She doesn't say anything until you take a breath to speak, and then she cuts you off.
"They didn't tell me who you are," she says. "Only that you used to be one of them— that you played some of these characters yourself." She gestures to the mural through the windshield. "They said if you spoke, I'd know you in a second, so don't say anything, all right?"
[[Sounds fair.]]Text, story, and art by <a href="https://linktr.ee/thehungryreader">The Hungry Reader</a> (E.Z. Poschman).
Acknowledgements to ''They Might Be Giants'' for the title!
Special thanks to Thomas "<a href="https://titleknown.tumblr.com">Titleknown</a>" Johnson for the initial prompt.
Extra special thanks to T. F. Johnson, <a href="https://twitter.com/dreamking89">Jonathan Mayer</a>, and most especially Nola ("<a href="https://finalposs.tumblr.com">"Poss"</a>) for their tireless game testing and bug reports. This literally couldn't have happened without them!
Dedicated, of course, to the memory of ''Jim Henson.''
[[Begin Game|Briefing]]
[[Title Page]]<center><h4>Hints For Puppet Finders:</h4></center>
• This is basically Pac-Man. There are four different mazes and four different monsters who roam through them.
• If a monster catches you barehanded, it will throw you out.
• If a monster catches you wearing a puppet, it will take it and it might keep it.
• If a monster *wearing a puppet* catches you, it’s game over.
• Certain puppets can be used to defeat a monster wearing a puppet, but you will lose one in exchange for the other.
• Each puppet has special talents that can help you. Some puppets are only used for rescuing others.
• You can wear two puppets at once, but you can’t collect anything or use tools without a free hand.
• Monsters always follow the same path. They won’t divert from the path to chase you.
• Make a map! Once you learn monster patterns, you can sneak around them. I told you this was Pac-Man!
• The more puppets you collect, the better your ending. It only takes five to get the second best ending!
• If you need more specific hints, talk to your partner in the van. Now go get ‘em!
[[Title Page]]"When the sun comes up," your partner begins, "At 9 AM, sharp, this whole studio is going to be destroyed. That is when the Cheney corporation takes full legal ownership. The construction vehicles are waiting on the other side of that wall…" She points to the northern wall, underneath the roller coaster. "…To knock it down, and turn this entire lot into thrill rides and popcorn stands."
She slumps, resting her head on the steering wheel. "This place meant a lot to me. I'm sure it did to you too. That is why our mutual benefactor has gone to such extremes to get us in here. If we can't pull this off… this whole body of work may disappear. HIS body of work." She points at one of the faces on the mural, at the very top. "This is our //last chance."//
Your partner pops her seat belt and gets out of the car, gesturing for you to [[follow.]]The two of you stand outside the white van, looking at the mural.
There's a lot of famous faces in this picture. Right up at the front are the big four: ''Ernest Weasel, Sherri Cola, Balzac, and Blintz''. Gathered around them are some other favorites from different productions; ''Princess Koy, the Ork, and Moist'' are in the front row too.
The second row has some more obscure characters you'd have to think about to recognize, but you definitely know the faces in the third row. Those are the faces of people, not characters; people you worked with, laughed with, stayed up until 8 in the morning getting things just right with. People you called family.
People like your old boss, ''Malcolm Newsome.''
Each and every one of them as human as you; each and every one, all too mortal.
One of those faces is your own, but you probably shouldn't point out which one to your partner.
"You know what you're looking for?" she says. [["Then let's go find the Handfuls."]]"Our benefactor provided us with some equipment," your partner says as she pops the back doors on the van. "We're prepared to carry away as many as fourteen Handfuls."
The back of the van contains a specially built rack, looking like a pegboard to hang hats on. The pegs have foam padding over them, as if to give shape to what will hang on them.
"We have space for six ‘starring' Handfuls, seven ‘co-stars'…" Your partner gestures to the differing sizes of pegs. "And one ‘full-body' Handful, in case you find one." She directs your attention to a fully articulated human mannequin, accessible behind the peg rack. "If you find two, just use your best judgment which to bring."
She closes the van doors. "We're getting paid by the head, so no leaving without at least //one// Handful. Of course I'd prefer you fill the whole rack, but the night is only so long."
It would help if you knew [[where to start.]]Your partner pulls a lanyard out of her pocket and attaches something to it. "Unfortunately, I only have one of these. This one's for the front office," she says. "It might be up to you to find your way into the other buildings. Just be discreet and don't go smashing windows or anything that would draw attention."
She hands you the lanyard: it has a photo ID card attached that will enable you to enter a building, just by scanning it at the NFC reader. Each building has a different card, and only the highest-ranking employees had all four in their name.
You loop the lanyard over your neck. You've used these before; your partner doesn't need to know your face is the one on the card.
"Once you've got one, let me know when you're ready to go," says your partner as she clambers back into the driver's seat. "If you have any questions, I'm right here; if you want to leave, just get in and say the word. We have to do this all in one night, though, so don't leave anything behind you can't afford to lose."
She closes the door. Now it's just you, an ID card with your name on it, and [[the front office.]]The front office has two entrances: the ''Gift Shop'' and the ''Welcome Center''. They're on opposing sides of the same building, the only one on the lot that doesn't also make up part of the wall surrounding the lot. Its facade is in a "Danish Provincial" style, although more colorful than many.
The NFC chip in your card won't activate the reader on the Gift Shop side; you can only enter through the [[Welcome Center.|WelcomeTutorial]]
[[Back to the van.|Empty Van]]You return to the white van.
Your partner has a laptop in front of her and is focusing intently on something. "I'm working on keeping the law in the dark about this," she mutters when she notices you. "There's so much basic security to keep track of, but that's my job. You just look out for the //not-basic// kind, you know?" She gestures for you to move along.
Back to [[the front office.]] This is the Welcome Center.
This large, round room is part museum, part tourist information kiosk. The arc-shaped desk in the center is a reception area for both guests and visitors on business, and the walls of the room are printed with images showing the by now familiar history of this studio lot, and how the Handfuls came to be the "owners". You can't see them very well because the lights are off; the central air is still on, though, and you can hear air rushing through a ceiling vent.
<<if $tutorialkey is false>>Your focus, however, is on [[the puppet|TutorialErnest]] in the glass display in the center of the room.<<else>>There's a glass display for exhibiting puppets in the center of the room. [[Ernest Weasel|TutorialErnest]] is currently on display.<</if>>
You can go north to [[exit the office building.|the front office.]]
You can go south to [[enter the Employees Only door.|CubiclesTutorial]]This is the business office of the studio lot.
Significantly less welcoming and fun than the welcome center, the office nevertheless maintains a cheery color scheme, and gentle whimsical touches like the weasel-shaped drawer pulls make even filing cabinets more fun to interact with. There are two banks of cubicles with four cubicles each, but fully half of them are empty.
There are almost no windows, so it's all you can do to walk through this room. You can't see well enough to search for anything.
You can go north to return to the [[Welcome Center|WelcomeTutorial]].
You can go east to [[leave the business office.|StorageTutorial]]
You have found Ernest Weasel.
Like so many others, you practically grew up knowing this face, and no matter how many times you see it, it's amazing to have the real Ernest right in front of you.
The puppet itself is so simple, it's practically a sock. His eyes are craft-store teddy bear eyes. He doesn't have working arms; his paws are simply sewn to his little sweater vest, enabling props to be hooked into the crook of either arm.
The real secret of his design is simply that his eyes are sunken slightly into his head, which gives the appearance that Ernest is looking back at the viewer from any angle. Mal called this puppet the "selfie" version of Ernest, because the trick with his eyes makes him seem to address the camera.
Ernest is locked in a glass box, which is on top of a locked wooden cubby. If you had a key for this box, you could get him out.
<<if $tutorialkey is true>><<linkreplace "Try your key in the cubby.">>Try your key in the cubby... Nope.<</linkreplace>>
[[Try your key in the glass case.|OpenDisplayErnest]]<</if>>
[[Return to the Welcome Center.|WelcomeTutorial]] This is the storage warehouse of the lot's gift shop.
Although it's hardly the size of a normal store's backstage storage, there's a lot of space when you pack this room as efficiently as the last office manager. You have to pick and choose your steps very carefully, though, or you may find yourself climbing a stairway of boxes and cartons that you would easily step over in brighter light.
You can go west to [[return to the business office.|CubiclesTutorial]]
You can go north to visit the [[gift shop.|GiftTutorial]]This is the ''Something New Gift Shop.''
Due to the abrupt and unannounced closure of the studio lot, the gift shop is still fully stocked, as if it would be open again in just a few hours.
This gift shop is an overstuffed maze of familiar characters and catch phrases. There's a wall of T-shirts, racks of jackets and windbreakers, commemorative coffee table books, and so many kinds of toys! Normally it would be bright and colorful; in the dark, with the lights off, it feels sort of like a puppet-themed version of Hot Topic.<<if $tutorialkey is not true>>
In the dim light from the store window, you think you see the [[glint of a key|GiftShopKey]] near the cash register.<</if>>
You can go south to enter [[the storage room.|StorageTutorial]]
Security is activated on the eastern exit. Taking this door will trigger the alarm.There is a rack of pegs behind the register counter for hanging keys on. Only one key is hanging there, from a peg which is marked EXHIBIT.
[[Take it.|GiftTutorial][$tutorialkey to true]]
[[Leave it.|GiftTutorial]]You carefully remove the glass case, a single molded piece, and set it aside.
The puppet is free to take, but you don't have a sack or anything to store him in. Your pockets are too small for a whole puppet, and it would be awkward to stick him under your shirt.
It almost feels like a betrayal, but you only have one option: [[Put him on.|MeetErnest]]Once you have Ernest on your hand, he wiggles his ears, smacks his lips a couple of times, and twists around to look at you. He does a double take, recognizing you immediately through your mask.
"Oh! Oh, it's you!" he exclaims, his mood seeming to brighten instantly. "I was afraid I wouldn't see you or anyone else again. It's been so lonely here!"
He seems to stretch, as if unkinking his back, and gives a little grunt of appreciation when he hears your wrist bones pop. "Ohhh yeah. Phew, it feels good to be out of there. How do I sound?" He tries a couple of vocal exercises. "Mee-mee-mee… ahem. It's not the voice I'm accustomed to, but this is fine for now."
Ernest takes a look around the darkened room, and his mood chills again. "Something terrible happened," he says softly. His head slumps into his permanently pursed paws, looking despondent. "You probably know already. I wasn't there… I wonder, if I had been there, could things have been different…"<<set $foundernest to true>>
He looks so sad, you can't help but try to comfort him; [[you pat his back|HereComesDave]] with your free hand.After a moment, Ernest straightens up. "Well… we can't stay here. At night, the—" He suddenly freezes, the fur on his head seeming to stand up as his mouth crumples in horror. "Did anyone see you come in? Are you sure we're alone?"
You look around the room. No one else is here with you, but it does suddenly seem sort of stuffy in here, as if the air conditioning had shut down.
Ernest slowly turns his head to look at the air vent, and so do you.
[[Something is coming out.|MeetDave]]Someone or something is slowly emerging from the ceiling air vent. It hangs from the ceiling, slowly stretching down to the floor like pizza cheese, and suddenly falls in a heap. A moment later, it starts to gather itself, while at the same time beginning to approach you.
You could almost, ''almost'', mistake it for someone in a bodystocking costume. It is the size of a person-- no, larger-- and has strikingly long, and gangly, arms and legs. It stands on all four of them, but is markedly taller than you, even on all fours.
It has no features on its face, but you can tell that if it had eyes, they would be locked right on you.
"Run," says Ernest. "RUN! It works for Cheney!"
The air vent is between you and the exit door.
Your only choice is to [[flee to the next room.]]<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a sticky lollipop attached to your sweatshirt, but you don't find any puppets.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a crumpled photograph of Bernie Brillstein, but you don't find any puppets.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find a key. Its keyhole resembles the letter Z inside the letter O. Must be a keepsake, that won't unlock anything in the studio.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a disembodied pair of puppet legs, but there's no telling which puppet they belong to.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a discarded nametag. "Hello, my name is ''DAEV''."
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find an abandoned terrarium which looks like it used to house mice. Either someone had pet mice, or someone had a pet snake. Knowing your old workplace, likely both.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomA1]]
<<include "Inventory">><<if $davekillmode is not true>><<if $ork is not true>>
The green one has found you again.
This entity towers over you on long, funnel-like legs and feet, which seem to emerge from both its hips and shoulders. Its long limbs effectively block any escape.
It bends its elbows to get a good look at you, seeming to extend its neck. The profile of its face seems human through the green spandex, but it's hard to tell for sure what's in there.
\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to true>>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Sherri">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Sherri">>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Balzac">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Balzac">>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Blintz">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Blintz">>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Moist">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Moist">>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Koy">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Koy">>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Thud">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Thud">>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Apple">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Apple">>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Proust">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Proust">>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Devan">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Devan">>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Mince">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Mince">>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Dennis">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Dennis">>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to true>><</if>>
Once it's sure you cannot escape, it presses one of its funneled hands against $davecaptive. With a pneumatic sucking sound, it pulls the puppet off your hand.<<set $davepupa to true>>
The security creature goes galloping off toward the gift shop, leaving you
stunned and gasping for breath.<<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets-1>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
You have lost $MonsterTarget.
There's nothing to do but regroup [[back at the van.|The Van]]<<unset $MonsterTarget>>
<<else>>The green face(?) now extends to look at your hands, taking a good, long look at each of them, first one and then the other, and then the first again.
The creature looks up at you, and you think you hear a snort.
Everything goes black.
----
You're back on the [[Quadrangle]]. Apparently you were evicted.<</if>>
<<else>>
You're not alone. The green thing is here.
The Ork perks up, cocks an eye at the intruder, and says, "<<= either("Ark!", "Kaww!", "Blort!", "Ga-KAAH!", "Roo-OOOOP!", "//''TWEET!!!''//", "Pretty bird!")>>"
The green thing is standing and staring, seeming to be taking a long time to decide what to do. Maybe it will just leave if we wait? It seems too cowed by the Ork to attack.
[[Well?|passage()]] <</if>>
<<else>><<include "Transformed Dave Encounter">><</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Ernest">>
You have made a grievous mistake.
Something larger than you is in this room. In fact, it nearly fills the room and continues out into the next.
What you see is a long and furry tube, like a giant sleeve, projecting into the room. It's moving, but you can't see any legs or feet; instead it seems to be inverting itself, the open front end protruding further and further like the telescoping eye of a snail. It has a pungent smell of animal musk.
As you watch, your body makes an infinitely soft sound, perhaps a rattle in your breath or a knuckle popping; it doesn't matter. The creature, if this can be called a creature, senses it. Immediately, with purpose and alacrity, it twists and focuses its orifice on you.
<<if not $thud>>You have no way to defend yourself.
The sleeve of musky fur suddenly ejects its inside, striking you like a soft plush spear, and pulls you off your feet and toward the main body, where the orifice is opening to engulf you.
In its interior darkness, you think you see glittering black eyes.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Ernest," says [[a new voice.|ThudReunion]] "I know that's you."<</if>>
<</if>><<if $davecaptive is "Sherri">>
You have made a tragic mistake.
Something very large, and very red, and very soft, is squeezing its way into this room, segment by segment.
You have never smelled a more chokingly sweet smell than what is filling the room now, razing your nostrils and permeating your lungs. The artificiality of it raises your gorge. It's the smell of cherries that have never seen the outside of a laboratory, of carcinogenic red dyes bubbling in an evil witch's cauldron. The smell of carbon dioxide, the dizziness you get from inhaling an empty soda bottle, writ large.
The room is getting very crowded, as segment after segment of this endlessly long entity crowds its way around you, like being stuck on a bus with fifty of the fattest men you've ever seen.
<<if $apple is not true>>You have no way to defend yourself. No puppet in your sight could protect you.
The head of the thing comes closer— if it can even be called a head, since it's no different from any other, merely unconnected on one end. It's not coming toward you specifically, but simply charging blindly forward. It collides with you, knocking the wind out of you, and presses you into another segment. Then another, and another, another. another…
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center><<else>>
Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Cherry, stop it!" says [[a new voice.|AppleReunion]] "This isn't the Cherry I know!"<</if>><</if>><<if $davecaptive is "Balzac">>
You have made a calamitous mistake.
No exit is clear from this room. Any doorway, including the one you just entered through, is showering the room with… you have to look again, but yes, it's sports balls.
Basketballs and volleyballs, baseballs and tennis balls. You can't take a step for fear of slipping, not that you can walk very easily in the first place when you're up to your hips in sports equipment.
<<if not $proust>>If you had an inner tube, a pair of water wings, anything to hang onto, you could keep your balance, but you're sinking rapidly in the balls.
The balls are starting to heap up in the center of the room. The heap rolls away in all directions, revealing the huge ‘cage ball' that was pushing them up. How did that fit into the room?
The laces holding the cage ball's canvas covering closed abruptly come undone, and two stark white eyeballs with hugely dilated pupils are peering out at you from inside.
Before you can say anything, you're struck in the chest by a sticky red strand, like a tongue, and pulled off your feet, toward those staring eyes.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center><<else>>At that moment, the single least likely thing becomes your savior.
"Balzac?" says [[a new voice.|ProustReunion]] "I need you to pick up your toys now."<</if>>
<</if>><<if $davecaptive is "Blintz">>
You have made a disastrous mistake.
Standing dead center in this room, facing you directly, is something you definitely weren't expecting: a hollow reindeer made of strings of lights. It looks like a Christmas yard decoration.
The unlit reindeer stands mutely for a moment, and then a voice that sounds like it's coming through an intercom says, "Testing initial sequence."
At that moment, the reindeer lights up, including baleful red eyes in the face: strangely, the only unlit part is the antlers, which in the brighter light appear to actually be black hands.
"Engage procedure." The deer begins to flash like a strobe light.
You're too disoriented by the sudden strobe effect to turn and leave, which means you get a good look at the strangest thing happening: the hands are growing. In fact, they're growing more hands— each fingertip of the original two hands is now a hand of its own, and the ten new hands are growing their own hands. The deer's modest antlers have become a towering crown of clenching, grasping, squeezing hands, with more seeming to bud from the last every second.
<<if not $desmond>>In a few dizzying moments, there are too many hands to count— except to know that they are all reaching for you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>You're too disoriented by the strobe effect to defend yourself— but someone else isn't.
"BLINTZ!" shouts [[a new voice.|DivanReunion]] "Cut it out! You're better than this!"<</if>>
<</if>><<if $davecaptive is "Moist">>
You have made a dire mistake.
The door is now blocked by a rapidly spreading puddle of something. It looks a little like mustard, except it's got gray streaks… and it's moving.
You try to step backwards, but it's flowing too quickly. A moment later you back into an obstacle and slide down, staring at the awful liquid muck as it engulfs your shoes.
What's surprising is that this creeping fluid substance is more furry than wet. It's just barely damp, in fact.
In a moment, it has completely surrounded you, and you're ankle-deep in the poisonous-looking liquid fur.
Two big white eyeballs bubble up to the surface, like meatballs in a soup, and orient on you.
<<if not $mince>>
You have no way to defend yourself.
Before your eyes, the surface of the furry liquid opens up, peeling away like a toilet seat lid cover, and a great yawning void appears before you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Ahem! Just what do you think you're doing?" says [[a surprising voice|MinceReunion]]. "Belch Moistly, you need to show some table manners before you eat!"<</if>>
<</if>><<if $davecaptive is "Koy">>
"You have made a fatal mistake."
You can't tell who said that at first, but it's made all too clear a moment later— when a giant mechanical hand wraps around your body and lifts you up like a drink can.
Next thing you know, a huge, baleful yellow eye is glaring right in your face.
"I know who you are, you know," says the eye's owner in an imperious tone. "You're that new puppeteer. You must be so proud of yourself." The hand pulls you back as if to give you a better look, revealing the eye to belong to something you never thought you'd see; a towering, fifteen-foot dragon.
The dragon's fish-scaled skin gleams in the dim light. Its tongue flutters as it talks, and its nostrils flare with every breath; but it's not truly alive, for you can see pneumatic tubes, bundles of wire, and servomotors behind gaps in its facade.
"Look at you! Even now, with death staring you in the face, you're taking me apart in your head," the dragon sneers. "You thought that being the biggest fan of the Handfuls meant you could join them yourself. Malcolm's little protege… and where is he now?"
<<if not $dennis>>It's right. Mal isn't here— no one who could defend you is.
"I was there, you know," says the dragon in a mocking tone of voice. "I saw what happened. Malcolm Newsome didn't die of a drug overdose at all… and now no one else will ever know that."
The dragon raises its head, baring its half-finished throat. Slowly, the web of girders and supports that forms its rib cage splits apart, like a mouthful of crooked teeth, and opens wide to consume you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>You raise your hand, and a [[voice you haven't heard in weeks|DennisReunion]] speaks.
"Princess, I know it's not my place, but this isn't right."<</if>>
<</if>>This is the case where you found Ernest Weasel.
There's nothing left in the glass case but an information card about the puppet. The glass case is atop a locked wooden cubby. It takes a tubular, barrel-shaped key.
<<if $barrelkey is true>>
\<<if $heldpuppets lt 2>>You've got one of those, though. [[Try your key in the cubby?|Meet Thud]]<<else>>You have a key like that, but you also have two hands with puppets on them.<</if>><<else>><<if $sherri is true>>"These displays are maintained by the gift shop staff," Sherri muses. "It's probably in the gift shop... or storage."<</if>><</if>>
[[Look somewhere else.|RoomA1]]
<<include "Inventory">>The wooden cubby pops open, revealing a pair of bored-looking eyes staring back at you.
You have found Dull Thud.
This is one of Mal Newsome's earliest puppets, dating from a time when he was meeting friends to build puppets after school in the campus workshop.
Thud is simply a black trapezoidal prism with a bored face on one side. He's red foam on the inside, for his mouth, but his outside is painted cardboard. His reverse side bears the legend "10 TONS". in white poster paint.
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Thud">><<set $puppet1 to "Thud">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Thud">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $thud to true>><<set $foundthud to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have Dull Thud. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''<<set $barrelkey to false>>
[[Return to the search.|RoomA1]]
With Ernest on your arm, you shoulder the door aside and run into the maze of desks and filing cabinets, and behind one of the tallest ones to hide.
"What are you doing? Run!" Ernest hisses. "''If you're in the room with it, it'll find you!'' Remember that!"
Perhaps it strikes you as odd that Ernest would know something you didn't, but there isn't much time to think about it, because he's clearly right. The gangling green entity has entered the office, and is carefully stepping over desks and cubicles, making a beeline for where you and Ernest are hiding.
You have to leave. [[Make for the storage room]].This room has boxes stacked so high that it actually trips the green creature up a little, making it pause and test the boxes to see if they can hold its weight. It's easy enough to trip on the boxes yourself, though, so it's a frantic game of hopscotch to escape.
"Don't stop, don't stop! We gotta get out of here!" Ernest yells. "[[Exit through the gift shop!]]""Just take the door! It won't follow us! Run!" shouts Ernest.
Flinging the door to the gift shop open, you collide with, and nearly trip over, a large table of almost life-sized Ernest Weasel dolls. Ernest's mouth pops open in surprise, and he looks at you with an enthusiastic grin.
"Here I come, weirdo! Catch!" Ernest bites down on one of his plush twins and whips it right at the green thing's chest as it comes through the door. It pauses, peering at the floor where the doll landed, and bends to take a very close look in the darkness.
"Now, now, NOW!" Ernest barks. You know a command when you hear one-- you break into a run and catapult yourself through the double doors of the gift shop.
You pitch forward, protecting Ernest with your free hand, and roll to a stop in the quadrangle. It takes a minute to hear anything over the sound of your own panting breaths, but there are no footsteps approaching, no ominous flash of green.
"We made it," Ernest says, gratefully nuzzling up to you and giving you a catlike tap with his forehead. "I owe you."
[[It's time to get moving.]]With Ernest on your arm, you hike through the quadrangle back to the van. Both of you are still panting from the exertion of your escape.
"Oh, thank goodness-- the mural is still there," Ernest says as you pass the painted wall. "I was afraid I'd never get to see it again. Do you mind?"
You stop and rest, and Ernest's beady eyes focus on the mural. His furry face seems to show several emotions in a row; crumpling in anger, then shaking in sadness, then pursing to hold back a laugh.
"It's not fair," he finally says. "It's not fair that so many terrible people get to go on and on, probably for decades more... and Malcolm Newsome is dead."
Funny, you were [[thinking the same thing.]]\<<if $card1 is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a dirty penny that wasn't worth moving a filing cabinet for, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a birthday card signed by a bunch of office employees, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find a small porcelain figurine of two hamsters having tea at a mushroom table. Very cute but not what you're looking for.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a coffee sleeve with Mal's signature on it! Nice, but you have a lot of things he autographed for you already.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find an unbent paper clip, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a stale pack of cigarettes, but you don't find any puppets.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomA2]]<</if>>
<<if $card1 is not true>>
Looking through the cubicles, you find one where the computer, keyboard, and monitor have all been removed, but the Handfuls-branded mousepad is still there.
Picking up the mousepad, you discover a photo ID card, just like the one on your lanyard. This one belonged to a member of the kitchen staff.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't pick it up, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>You attach the ID card to your lanyard with your free hand.
<<set $card1 to true>>
''You can now enter the commissary.''
<</if>>
[[Continue.|RoomA2]]
<</if>><<include "Inventory">>\<<if $barrelkey is true or $foundthud is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a box of Handfuls-branded disposable tablecloths that read "Happy Birthday", but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a paystub from last year with a name you don't recognize, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find a really cute photo of a bunch of kids posing with Mal and Wesley, who have Ernest and Balzac on their hands, smiling at the camera! But no puppets.
\<<if $ernest is true>>
"Oh man, I remember those kids! They were doing a school project about business and money and they came to us, so we let them intern at the gift shop for the day," says Ernest. "That kid with the afro did an //amazing// impression of me! I thought I was throwing my voice!"<</if>>
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a box full of empty pink boxes; it's home pregnancy tests with the Handfuls branding. There's a polite letter from corporate apologizing that the promotion didn't work out. Probably just as well.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a puppet!! Unfortunately it's a tiny Ernest Weasel finger puppet, the ones they sell in the gift shop. Oh well.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find half of a roll of breath mints, but you don't find any puppets.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomA3]]<</if>>
<<if $barrelkey is not true>><<if $foundthud is not true>>
Checking the loading dock's desk area, you find a small black plastic key with a barrel-shaped shaft, the kind used to lock bicycle locks and furniture. <<if $sherri is true>>
"That goes to one of the puppet display cases," says Sherri. "But the only one in here is Ernest's, and you already found him. Did it have two keys?"<</if>>
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't pick it up, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>You hang the key from your lanyard with your free hand.
<<set $barrelkey to true>>
[[Continue.|RoomA3]]<</if>><</if>>
<</if>><<include "Inventory">><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a glass vase in the shape of Belch Moistly with an open mouth, but you don't find any puppets.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a dollar. Awesome! But no puppets.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find a small figurine of Trot from The Adventures of Trot and Cap'n Bill. This one isn't for sale in the gift shop; someone must have brought it in and dropped it. It's not a puppet, of course.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find "A Handful Of Melodies" on vinyl. Hey, you've got this album! You used to make your own homemade puppets lip-sync to it! You don't have a record player, though.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a snowdome, containing a sculpture of Ernest and Blintz standing in the snow singing carols. It's also a music box that plays "Maybe Santa's Wrong"! What a great gift-- but it's //way// out of your price range, now that you're not a highly paid puppeteer.
<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find an Ernest Weasel egg cup. It's the kind of vessel you serve a softboiled egg in, so you can dip toast soldiers in the yolk. Very British. The face of Ernest on the side is inexplicably saying "1 Egg Please!"<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomA4]]
<<include "Inventory">>"I mean, sure, he's-- he was-- a private guy, there was a lot you kind of had to deduce about him that he'd never have said out loud." Ernest shakes his head, setting his jaw in a determined face. "But I'm a Handful-- we knew him better than anyone. I'm not going to let them slander him after his death..."
Ernest turns to you. "You know everything they've been saying is a lie, right? Mal was never a drug user, he wouldn't even drink alcohol most of the time. And he would never assault anyone! This whole thing stinks, and it's so frustrating!" The puppet is an inch away from your face, [[shouting in impotent rage.]]Finally Ernest seems to deflate. "Maybe I can't clear his good name. Not on my own, anyway. But if his legacy is going to be tarnished like this... At least I can help make sure it's a darn big legacy."
He lets out a long sigh, then perks up. "So, you're looking for more of us, huh? Well, any time you feel like you need help? ''Take me with you.''" Ernest straightens up proudly. "I mean, I don't know everything, but for ''all-around hints and tips'', I'm your weasel! And I may be a least weasel, but everyone says I'm the most!"
[[Return to the van.|The Van]]
\<<set $heldpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $puppet1 to "Ernest">>
\<<set $MonsterTarget to "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to true>>
\<<set $foundernest to true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a clip-on bow tie... well, that's strange. Maybe there actually was a black-tie-only dance here and someone left this behind. Not a puppet, but it would make a good puppet accessory.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomB1]]<<if $viperkillmode is not true>><<if $ork is not true>>
Something very long, and very orange, is in this room.
You feel your legs getting kicked out from under you, and you land on something soft and cold, which immediately winds its way around you. Your hands are pressed to your sides, rendering you helpless.
Although it's difficult to breathe, you don't lose consciousness before you can see your attacker: it spirals its way higher around you to get a look at your face. It's another one of those security creatures: this one has either a snakelike tail, or two snakelike legs. It's hard to tell when you're wrapped up in them. Its seemingly featureless face (except for a couple of stripes that look like fangs) stares into you mutely.
\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to true>>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Sherri">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Sherri">>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Balzac">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Balzac">>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Blintz">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Blintz">>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Moist">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Moist">>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Koy">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Koy">>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Thud">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Thud">>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Apple">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Apple">>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Proust">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Proust">>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Devan">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Devan">>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Mince">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Mince">>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Dennis">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Dennis">>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to true>><</if>>
Once it's sure you cannot escape, it raises one of its own curving, almost boneless arms, revealing that it's now wearing $MonsterTarget.
Seeming suddenly distracted, it turns toward the kitchen and effortlessly unreels from around you, leaving you stunned, dizzy, and gasping for breath.<<set $viperpupa to true>>
<<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets-1>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
You have lost $MonsterTarget.
There's nothing to do but regroup [[back at the van.|The Van]]<<unset $MonsterTarget>>
<<else>>The orange face(?) now extends to look at your hands, taking a good, long look at each of them, first the left and then the right, and then the left again.
The creature looks up at you, and you think you hear a snort.
Everything goes black.
----
[[You're back on the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]] Apparently you were evicted.<</if>><<else>>
<<if $viper is not 8>>-Something very long, and very orange, is in this room.
The Ork perks up, cocks an eye at the intruder, and says, "<<= either("Ark!", "Kaww!", "Blort!", "Ga-KAAH!", "Roo-OOOOP!", "//''TWEET!!!''//", "Pretty bird!")>>"
Whatever the orange thing was going to do, it seems to have changed its mind. The Ork ruffles its crest proudly.<<else>>You thought that thing was gone, but it jumped into the air vent on the east wall... and just came out of the west wall.
The Ork twists its neck abruptly and gives it a hard look. That's all it takes; the orange thing slithers hastily out of the room.
"Gurk," the Ork says smugly, and you know exactly what he means: //That's RIGHT!// <</if>>
[[Well, anyway...|passage()]] <</if>>
<<else>><<include "Transformed Viper Encounter">><</if>>\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to true>>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Sherri">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Sherri">>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Balzac">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Balzac">>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Blintz">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Blintz">>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Moist">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Moist">>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Koy">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Koy">>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Thud">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Thud">>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Apple">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Apple">>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Proust">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Proust">>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Devan">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Devan">>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Mince">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Mince">>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Dennis">>
\<<set $davecaptive to "Dennis">>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to true>><</if>><</if>>On Balzac's advice, you squeeze into a tall filing cabinet. It's cramped, but all the drawers are pulled out and it's facing the wall, so it's very inconspicuous.
<<if $dave is 2>>You can hear something bumping around out there, so it might be a good idea to [[wait in here a while.|Empty Filing Cabinet]]<</if>>You can [[come out|RoomA2]] if you think the danger has passed.
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>Balzac was right, this cardboard box actually is a good place to hide. It's far enough back in the storage that it seems like too much trouble to hide here-- exactly the image you want to project.
<<if $dave is 2>>You can hear something bumping around out there, so it might be a good idea to [[wait in here a while.|Tall Cardboard Box]]<</if>>You can [[come out|RoomA3]] if you think the danger has passed.<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
\<<if $dave is 4>>There's a scraping, rasping sound coming from the air vent.<</if>>
\<<if $davepupa is not true>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Thud">>
\<<if $lostthud is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|ThudRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Apple">>
\<<if $lostapple is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|AppleRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Proust">>
\<<if $lostapple is true>>There's that soccer ball, lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|ProustRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Divan">>
\<<if $lostdesmond is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|DivanRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Mince">>
\<<if $lostmince is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|MinceRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<if $lostcapnbill is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|BillRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Dennis">>
\<<if $lostdennis is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|DennisRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>><<else>>The air is very stuffy, as if the central air were malfunctioning.<</if>>Here is Blintz, the wacky scientist reindeer.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Blintz.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Blintz on your hand. "All systems go!" she exclaims. <<set $blintz to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Blintz">><<else>>You put Blintz on your hand. "All systems go!" she exclaims.<<set $blintz to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Blintz">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Blintz">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Belch Moistly, the grossest Handful around. (And he likes it that way).
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Moist.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Moist on your hand. "Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" he crows.<<set $moist to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Moist">><<else>>You put Moist on your hand. "Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" he crows.<<set $moist to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Moist">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Moist">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Princess Koy, the laid-back dragon lady.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Princess Koy.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Princess Koy on your hand. She doesn't say anything, but you can see her approval in her glowing eyes.<<set $koi to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Koy">><<else>>You put Princess Koy on your hand. She doesn't say anything, but you can see her approval in her glowing eyes.<<set $koi to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Koy">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Koy">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is The Ork, the full-body puppet. This creature can only repeat what it hears.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to get outfitted as the Ork.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You get into the Ork puppet. That's not easy with $puppet1 already on your hand! <<set $ork to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "the Ork">><<else>>You get into the Ork puppet. It looks a little weird with your bare arm sticking out of the saddle!<<set $ork to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "the Ork">><<set $MonsterTarget to "ORK">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Dull Thud, the puppet shaped like a weight.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Thud.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Thud on your hand. <<set $thud to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Thud">><<else>>You put Thud on your hand.<<set $thud to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Thud">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Thud">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Sour Apple, the gummy worm puppet.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Apple.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Apple on your hand. <<set $apple to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Apple">><<else>>You put Apple on your hand.<<set $apple to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Apple">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Apple">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is... a soccer ball.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take this. No, you can't just kick it along, that would attract too much attention!
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>Something tells you you should take it too, so you do.<<set $proust to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Proust">><<else>>It just seems right to take it with you, somehow.<<set $proust to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Proust">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Proust">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Devan Pfeffernusse, the elf puppet wearing a dashiki.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Devan.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Devan on your hand.<<set $desmond to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Devan">><<else>>You put Devan on your hand.<<set $desmond to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Devan">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Devan">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Mince Churlishly, the flat-headed puppet with a snail shell.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Mince.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Mince on your hand.<<set $mince to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Mince">><<else>>You put Mince on your hand.<<set $mince to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Mince">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Mince">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Captain Bill Weedles, in the form of a grasshopper with a peg leg.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Bill with you.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Cap'n Bill on your hand. <<set $capnbill to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Cap'n Bill">><<else>>You put Cap'n Bill on your hand.<<set $capnbill to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Cap'n Bill">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Cap'n Bill">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. Here is Dennis, the mysterious hopping ghost. You're kind of attached to this puppet.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>> Both of your hands are full. You should put a puppet back if you want to take Dennis.
<<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>>You put Dennis on your hand. <<set $dennis to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 2>><<set $puppet2 to "Dennis">><<else>>You put Dennis on your hand.<<set $dennis to true>><<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Dennis">><<set $MonsterTarget to "Dennis">><</if>>
Return to [[Back of the Van]]. You've recovered Dull Thud! He looks a little chewed on, but he's not ruined.
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Thud">><<set $puppet1 to "Thud">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Thud">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $thud to true>><<set $lostthud to false>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Dull Thud. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomA1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomB7]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomC1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomD9") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomD9]]<</if>>You've recovered Sour Apple! She looks a little chewy, but she's not ruined.
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Apple">><<set $puppet1 to "Apple">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Apple">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $apple to true>><<set $lostapple to false>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Apple. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomA1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomB7]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomC1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomD9") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomD9]]<</if>>You've recovered the soccer ball... or Proust, as Balzac calls... her? She looks a little like she's just been through the World Cup, but she's still OK..
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Proust">><<set $puppet1 to "Proust">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Proust">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $proust to true>><<set $lostproust to false>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Proust, the soccer ball. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomA1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomB7]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomC1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomD9") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomD9]]<</if>>You've recovered Devan Pfeffernusse! He looks a little drooled on, but he's not ruined.
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Devan">><<set $puppet1 to "Devan">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Devan">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $desmond to true>><<set $lostdesmond to false>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Devan. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomA1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomB7]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomC1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomD9") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomD9]]<</if>>You've recovered Mince Churlishly! He looks a little worse for the wear, but he's not minced yet.
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Mince">><<set $puppet1 to "Mince">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Mince">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $mince to true>><<set $lostminceto false>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Mince. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomA1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomB7]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomC1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomD9") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomD9]]<</if>>You've recovered Cap'n Bill! He looks a little mangled, but frankly the actor who played his human form looks a lot worse.
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Bill">><<set $puppet1 to "Bill">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Bill">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $capnbill to true>><<set $lostcapnbill to false>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Captain Bill Weedles. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomA1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomB7]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomC1]]<</if>>
<<if lastVisited("RoomD9") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomD9]]<</if>>You've recovered Dennis! They don't look much more undead than usual.
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Dennis">><<set $puppet1 to "Dennis">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Dennis">><</if>><<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $dennis to true>><<set $lostdennis to false>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Dennis the Hopper. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
\<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomA1]]<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomB7]]<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomC1]]<</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("RoomD9") is 1>>[[Return to the search.|RoomD9]]<</if>> \<<if $viperpupa is not true>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Thud">>
\<<if $lostthud is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|ThudRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Apple">>
\<<if $lostapple is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|AppleRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Proust">>
\<<if $lostapple is true>>There's that soccer ball, lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|ProustRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Divan">>
\<<if $lostdesmond is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|DivanRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Mince">>
\<<if $lostmince is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|MinceRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<if $lostcapnbill is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|BillRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Dennis">>
\<<if $lostdennis is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|DennisRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>><<else>>The air is very stuffy, as if the central air were malfunctioning.<</if>>\<<if $hyper is 2>>There's a scraping, rasping sound coming from the air vent.<</if>>
\<<if $hyperpupa is not true>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Thud">>
\<<if $lostthud is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|ThudRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Apple">>
\<<if $lostapple is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|AppleRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Proust">>
\<<if $lostapple is true>>There's that soccer ball, lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|ProustRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Divan">>
\<<if $lostdesmond is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|DivanRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Mince">>
\<<if $lostmince is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|MinceRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<if $lostcapnbill is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|BillRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Dennis">>
\<<if $lostdennis is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|DennisRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>><<else>>The air is very stuffy, as if the central air were malfunctioning.<</if>>
\<<if $sniper is 3>>There's a scraping, rasping sound coming from the air vent.<</if>>
\<<if $sniperpupa is not true>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Thud">>
\<<if $lostthud is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|ThudRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Apple">>
\<<if $lostapple is true>>There's a puppet lying on the roof of the shed, under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|AppleRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Proust">>
\<<if $lostapple is true>>There's that soccer ball, lying under the air vent. <<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|ProustRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Divan">>
\<<if $lostdesmond is true>>There's a puppet lying on the roof of the shed, under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|DivanRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Mince">>
\<<if $lostmince is true>>There's a puppet lying on the roof of the shed, under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|MinceRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<if $lostcapnbill is true>>There's a puppet lying on the roof of the shed, under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|BillRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Dennis">>
\<<if $lostdennis is true>>There's a puppet lying under the air vent.<<if $heldpuppets lte 1>>[[Pick it up?|DennisRecover]]<<else>>You'll need a free hand. Better drop off some puppets.<</if>><</if>><</if>><<else>>The air is very stuffy, as if the central air were malfunctioning.<</if>>\<<if $foundproust is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a cafeteria tray. Man, it feels like being back in school! Hey, did you ever do the thing where you look at the underside of your spoon and it says how old you are? Or if you're British, the thing where you make your milk carton into a Dalek? And did you draw that really cool "S" everywhere? Actually, never mind.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomB2]]<</if>><<if $foundproust is not true>>
Kicking your feet under a bench, you discover something you weren't expecting; a dirty old soccer ball, with barely any air in it.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You have to leave it behind, though. It's all you can do to walk with puppets on each arm, let alone dribble a soccer ball with your feet!<<else>>Wait. Is this ball important? Have you seen this ball before?
You think back to when you were just a fan of the Handfuls, not an employee, and remember a skit they did where Balzac the armadillo was talking about his family. Eventually it became clear that Balzac had been raised by //sports equipment//, that he never realized weren't just armadillos who never uncurled.
//Proust//. That was this one's name. Is this a puppet or just a prop? Who knows, but you're taking it.
<<set $foundproust to true>>
''You have found Proust.''
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Proust">><<set $puppet1 to "Proust">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Proust">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $proust to true>><<set $foundproust to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have a soccer ball. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls. ~~That's Handfuls, not strictly puppets.~~''
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomB2]]
<</if>>\<<if $tinykey is true or $foundsherri is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a stupid weird thing, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a fidget toy, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find some stale chips, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a wallet! Nice! But it's empty! Still no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a treasure chest-- nah, just kidding.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a cute little live mouse! But it's not a puppet, so you let it go. Run, mousie!<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomB3]]<</if>>
<<if $foundsherri is not true>><<if $tinykey is not true>>
Examining the dishwashing area, you see something strange in the sterilization sink; a tiny silver key, looking more like it came off a charm bracelet than a keyring.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't pick it up, though: you have a puppet on each hand and you don't want to get them wet!<<else>>You dip your free hand into the sink to get the key, shake off the water, and hang it from your lanyard.
<<set $tinykey to true>>
''You have the Tiny Key.''
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomB3]]
<</if>><</if>>\<<if $card2 is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find where they keep the spare toilet paper rolls, but you didn't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a paper towel dispenser that doesn't work, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find a very good-looking individual in the mirror, but you don't find any puppets. <<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>The puppets you do have wait patiently for you to stop posing.<</if>>
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a used pregnancy test(!) but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a lipstick smear on a toilet seat. That's really weird. No puppets though.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a stale pack of cigarettes, but you don't find any puppets. Was someone smoking in here??<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomB4]]<</if>>
<<if $card2 is not true>>
Exploring the bathroom stalls, which are in good shape although a little dusty, you find something very interesting hanging from a coathook: an ID card, just like the two you have on your lanyard now. Someone must have hung their coat on this hook and left the ID card behind at the end of the day.
Flipping it over to look, you see that it belonged to a tech at the recording studio.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't pick it up, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>You attach the ID card to your lanyard with your free hand.
<<set $card2 to true>>
''You can now enter the recording studio.''
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomB4]]
<</if>>\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to true>>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Sherri">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Sherri">>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Balzac">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Balzac">>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Blintz">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Blintz">>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Moist">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Moist">>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Koy">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Koy">>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Thud">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Thud">>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Apple">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Apple">>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Proust">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Proust">>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Devan">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Devan">>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Mince">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Mince">>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Dennis">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Dennis">>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to true>><</if>><</if>>
[[SniperEncounter]]\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to true>>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Sherri">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Sherri">>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Balzac">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Balzac">>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Blintz">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Blintz">>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Moist">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Moist">>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Koy">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Koy">>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Thud">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Thud">>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Apple">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Apple">>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Proust">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Proust">>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Devan">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Devan">>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Mince">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Mince">>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Dennis">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Dennis">>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to true>><</if>><</if>>
[[HyperEncounter]]\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to true>>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Sherri">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Sherri">>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Balzac">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Balzac">>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Blintz">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Blintz">>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Moist">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Moist">>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Koy">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Koy">>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Thud">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Thud">>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Apple">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Apple">>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Proust">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Proust">>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Devan">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Devan">>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Mince">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Mince">>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Dennis">>
\<<set $vipercaptive to "Dennis">>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to true>><</if>><</if>>
\<<if $foundsherri is true>>This is the empty case where you found Sherri Cola. There's actually some spare outfits for her under the base of the case, but that seems like going overboard.<</if>><<if $foundsherri is not true>>This is Sherri Cola, Ernest's self-appointed supervisor.
Sherri can always be recognized by the vivid burgundy of her face, her pointed snout, and the sunglasses she's never without.
Because she's on display at the cafe, she's wearing an explicitly "retro 80s" ensemble. Her hands are in the pockets of her distressed denim jacket, and you can just barely see a checkerboard-printed shirt underneath. Her massive mop of electric red hair is teased out as "mall bangs", showing the hoop earrings she's wearing despite not having ears.
Sherri does not like to talk about what kind of animal she is, so you shouldn't bring it up. She calls herself a "thingy".
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You have a puppet on each hand! You can't unlock the case Sherri is in, nor pick her up afterward. Best to drop off some puppets at the van first.<<else>><<if $tinykey is true>>The little silver key you found in the sink looks like it fits this lock.
[[Try the key?|Meet Sherri]]<<else>>The case is locked. You could break the glass, but that would attract attention you can't afford.<</if>><</if>>
<</if>>
[[Back to the Cafe.|RoomB6]]
<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally gross old chicken nuggets, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a binder showing the refresh of the cafe, when it became Sherri's Cafe. Apparently before this it was a recreation of the 80s cafe from Back to the Future II... they probably made the right call updating it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomB6]]\<<if $foundmince is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a stupid weird thing, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a phenomenally large bucket of instant pudding, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find stale hamburger buns, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a chef's hat. It looks great on you, especially with that burglar mask on! //Hon hon hon, j'ai un chef mauvaise!// Or is that 'mauvais', which is which... but there's no puppets, anyway.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a rolling pin, but there's no bread dough or philandering husbands to threaten with it. No puppets either.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find an official Handfuls cookbook! This is pretty useful for representing the characters' faces on cupcakes and such. Still, not a puppet.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomB5]]<</if>><<if $foundmince is not true>>Peeking into the stone pizza oven, you're surprised to see a pair of frantic eyes staring back at you. A victim?? No, a puppet!
You have found ''Mince Churlishly.''
This puppet comes from a children's show made for Canadian television: ''Count Spatula's Silver Spoon.'' All kinds of monsters and mythical creatures come to eat at the titular diner, as well as celebrities, but Mince Churlishly is Count Spatula's head waiter, with an enormous ego which is frequently punctured by the bad manners and gross habits of some of his monstrous customers-- including his best customer, the gluttonous giant frog known as Moist.
Mince is a Kappa, a Japanese water monster. He has a flat head, a beaky mouth, green fleecy skin, and a shell on his back. Unlike most kappa, his shell is a //snail// shell, as an acknowledgment that the character is not Japanese by birth, but French!
What's the puppet doing in the pizza oven, though? Well, it's a running gag that he keeps getting stuffed into the oven on the show... someone must have been pulling a prank when the studio closed down.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't take Mince with you, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>You tug Mince onto your hand and get his shell straightened. Good time to practice your French accent, too. //Au revoir,// kitchen! //Bonsoir,// white van! //Bonne chance!//
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Mince">><<set $puppet1 to "Mince">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Mince">><</if>><<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $mince to true>><<set $foundmince to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Mince Churlishly, the kappa.''
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomB5]]
<</if>>\<<if $foundblintz is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some frozen corn niblets, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some push-up pops. That's kind of like a puppet, right? Probably not similar enough for your employer.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find enough frost to make a snowball, but you don't have anyone to throw it at.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a frozen recipe book. If you open it, though, it might shatter!
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find the body of Jimmy Hoffa-- no, just kidding. You don't find anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some Shrek-branded frozen confections from the early 2000s... how long has this been here? No puppets though.<</if>>
[[Clearly the freezer is empty.|RoomB8]]<</if>>
<<if $foundblintz is not true>>
You have found ''Blintz,'' the mad science reindeer.
Blintz has a brown face and a white nose, and her long neck is covered in fluffy white fur. Her custom turtleneck sweater only reaches halfway up her neck, but eclipses the collar of her labcoat. She has safety goggles currently pulled down over her eyes, which are actually just relaxed-looking eyelashes. She also has truly lovely antlers, still covered in white velvet down, which seem like they might not just be secondary sex characteristics, but could have useful applications for you too.
Blintz was wrapped in a plastic bag. It's unclear what she's doing in this freezer; knowing Blintz, she may just be enjoying the weather in here.
"Christmastime is here, happiness and cheer!" she carols as you put her on your hand. "Wait... it's February, isn't it. I've got work to do, let's get out of here!" She snaps her safety goggles on.
<<set $MonsterTarget to "Blintz">><<set $puppet1 to "Blintz">>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $blintz to true>><<set $foundblintz to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have Blintz. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''<<set $fleeing to true>>
<center>//Get to the van!//</center>
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomB8]]
<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a really gross wooden spoon, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a pair of funky checkered pants, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a discarded nametag. It says "Hello, My Name Is: //VIPER.//" Strange.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomB7]]\<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find you're getting frustrated with searching! That's what you find.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomC1]]\<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find... about a million dollars worth of professional camera equipment. For a moment you wonder if maybe this is what you should be bringing back instead of puppets.
Just for a moment, though.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomC2]]<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find green cherries for cocktails, but no puppets.
\
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find green gelatin from the cafeteria, but no puppets.
\
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find a Green Jelly CD, but no puppets.
\
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a bucket of green slime. What do we do with it? I DON'T KNOW.
\
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find green alligators and long-neck geese, humpy bumpy camels and chimpanzeese. You find catsandratsandelephants, but sadness and gloom, you can't find any puppets in this room.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a green stop sign... well, that's just confusing.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomC3]]<<set $heldpuppets to 1>>Like the peppered moth and the arctic hare, you didn't see her before, but once you see her you can't miss her.
You have found ''Sour Apple.''
Sour Apple is a very simple green tube, with a pointed, beak-like mouth. She has no eyes, just a pair of vintage-looking cateye glasses.
She may not have any hair or clothes, but if she were red, she'd look just like Sherri Cola. Hmm.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>Your hands are too full to take another puppet. You should come back for Sour Apple later.
[[Return to the search.|RoomC3]]<<else>><<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Apple">><<set $puppet1 to "Apple">><<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>><<set $puppet2 to "Apple">><</if>><<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $apple to true>><<set $foundapple to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have Sour Apple. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<</if>>
[[Return to the green room.|RoomC3]] \<<if $davekillmode is true>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Ernest">>From the north, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "huh? that reminds me… huh?"<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Sherri">>From the north, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a mouthful of eggshells.<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Balzac">>From the north, you hear a loud crash, as if someone had knocked over furniture with a bowling ball.<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is crooning "Good King Wenceslas" in a drunken-sounding voice from the north.
<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Moist">>From the north, you hear a hoarse baritone voice wheeze, "Heeeey, VANNA!"<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your north is brightly lit, and you just heard a taiko drum.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear a stumbling, snuffling sound to the north. Better not go that way now.
<</if>>\<<if $davekillmode is true>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Ernest">>From the south, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "whazzat? whazzat?"<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Sherri">>From the south, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a crisp, juicy apple.<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Balzac">>From the south, you hear a deep bouncing sound, as if someone had dropped a timpani drum.<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is humming "Jingle Bells" in a dizzy-sounding voice from the south.<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Moist">>From the south, you hear a hoarse baritone voice cough, "Where's our next contestant? Come on down!"<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Koy">> Koy Monster:You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your south is brightly lit, and you can dimly hear wind chimes.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear a stumbling, snuffling sound to the south. Better not go that way now.
<</if>>
\<<if $davekillmode is true>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Ernest">>From the east, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "you don't need a hand up or a handout…" <</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Sherri">>From the east, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a raw pumpkin.<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Balzac">>From the east, you hear an alarming clatter, as if someone had tried to swing with a golf club and it went flying through a window. <</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is gurgling "Deck The Halls" in a disoriented-sounding voice from the east. <</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Moist">>From the east, you hear a hoarse baritone voice gurgle, "I would //love// to see you in this brand new 2024 Esophagus!""<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your east is brightly lit, and you just heard a voice exclaim "Yoo~oooh" in a distinctly Kabuki-esque manner. <</if>>
<<else>>You hear a stumbling, snuffling sound to the east. Better not go that way now.
<</if>>
\<<if $davekillmode is true>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Ernest">>From the west, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "i'm not the least weasel… I'm the most weasel…" <</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Sherri">>From the west, you hear a voice of someone talking with their mouth full; it sounds like they're saying "Don't call me a worm."<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Balzac">>From the west, you hear a scraping, grinding sound, as if someone were moving the goalposts.<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is warbling an off-key "The Twelve Days of Christmas" from the west. It sounds like they're up to "frelve bibles dumpling."<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Moist">>From the west, you hear a hoarse baritone voice wail, "A NEW CAR!" Then there's a sort of frying-pan noise that sounds like someone trying to imitate a crowd applauding.<</if>>
\<<if $davecaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your west is brightly lit, and you just heard a woodblock instrument being struck twice.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear a stumbling, snuffling sound to the west. Better not go that way now.<</if>>\<<if $viperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Ernest">>From the north, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "huh? that reminds me… huh?"<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Sherri">>From the north, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a mouthful of eggshells.<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Balzac">>From the north, you hear a loud crash, as if someone had knocked over furniture with a bowling ball.<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is crooning "Good King Wenceslas" in a drunken-sounding voice from the north.
<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Moist">>From the north, you hear a hoarse baritone voice wheeze, "Heeeey, VANNA!"<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your north is brightly lit, and you just heard a taiko drum.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear a dragging, slithering sound to the north. Better not go that way now.
<</if>>\<<if $viperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Ernest">>From the south, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "whazzat? whazzat?"<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Sherri">>From the south, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a crisp, juicy apple.<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Balzac">>From the south, you hear a deep bouncing sound, as if someone had dropped a timpani drum.<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is humming "Jingle Bells" in a dizzy-sounding voice from the south.<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Moist">>From the south, you hear a hoarse baritone voice cough, "Where's our next contestant? Come on down!"<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Koy">> Koy Monster:You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your south is brightly lit, and you can dimly hear wind chimes.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear a dragging, slithering sound to the south. Better not go that way now.
<</if>>\<<if $viperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Ernest">>From the east, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "you don't need a hand up or a handout…" <</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Sherri">>From the east, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a raw pumpkin.<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Balzac">>From the east, you hear an alarming clatter, as if someone had tried to swing with a golf club and it went flying through a window. <</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is gurgling "Deck The Halls" in a disoriented-sounding voice from the east. <</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Moist">>From the east, you hear a hoarse baritone voice gurgle, "I would //love// to see you in this brand new 2024 Esophagus!""<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your east is brightly lit, and you just heard a voice exclaim "Yoo~oooh" in a distinctly Kabuki-esque manner. <</if>>
<<else>>You hear a dragging, slithering sound to the east. Better not go that way now.
<</if>>\<<if $viperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Ernest">>From the west, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "i'm not the least weasel… I'm the most weasel…" <</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Sherri">>From the west, you hear a voice of someone talking with their mouth full; it sounds like they're saying "Don't call me a worm."<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Balzac">>From the west, you hear a scraping, grinding sound, as if someone were moving the goalposts.<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is warbling an off-key "The Twelve Days of Christmas" from the west. It sounds like they're up to "frelve bibles dumpling."<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Moist">>From the west, you hear a hoarse baritone voice wail, "A NEW CAR!" Then there's a sort of frying-pan noise that sounds like someone trying to imitate a crowd applauding.<</if>>
\<<if $vipercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your west is brightly lit, and you just heard a woodblock instrument being struck twice.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear a dragging, slithering sound to the west. Better not go that way now.<</if>>\<<if $hyperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Ernest">>From the north, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "huh? that reminds me… huh?"<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Sherri">>From the north, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a mouthful of eggshells.<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Balzac">>From the north, you hear a loud crash, as if someone had knocked over furniture with a bowling ball.<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is crooning "Good King Wenceslas" in a drunken-sounding voice from the north.
<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Moist">>From the north, you hear a hoarse baritone voice wheeze, "Heeeey, VANNA!"<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your north is brightly lit, and you just heard a taiko drum.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear rapid footsteps from the north, as if someone were running in circles.
<</if>>\<<if $hyperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Ernest">>From the south, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "whazzat? whazzat?"<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Sherri">>From the south, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a crisp, juicy apple.<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Balzac">>From the south, you hear a deep bouncing sound, as if someone had dropped a timpani drum.<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is humming "Jingle Bells" in a dizzy-sounding voice from the south.<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Moist">>From the south, you hear a hoarse baritone voice cough, "Where's our next contestant? Come on down!"<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Koy">> Koy Monster:You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your south is brightly lit, and you can dimly hear wind chimes.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear rapid footsteps from the south, as if someone were running in circles. Better not go that way now.<</if>>
\<<if $hyperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Ernest">>From the east, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "you don't need a hand up or a handout…" <</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Sherri">>From the east, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a raw pumpkin.<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Balzac">>From the east, you hear an alarming clatter, as if someone had tried to swing with a golf club and it went flying through a window. <</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is gurgling "Deck The Halls" in a disoriented-sounding voice from the east. <</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Moist">>From the east, you hear a hoarse baritone voice gurgle, "I would //love// to see you in this brand new 2024 Esophagus!""<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your east is brightly lit, and you just heard a voice exclaim "Yoo~oooh" in a distinctly Kabuki-esque manner. <</if>>
<<else>>You hear rapid footsteps from the east, as if someone were running in circles. Better not go that way now.<</if>>\<<if $hyperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Ernest">>From the west, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "i'm not the least weasel… I'm the most weasel…" <</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Sherri">>From the west, you hear a voice of someone talking with their mouth full; it sounds like they're saying "Don't call me a worm."<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Balzac">>From the west, you hear a scraping, grinding sound, as if someone were moving the goalposts.<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is warbling an off-key "The Twelve Days of Christmas" from the west. It sounds like they're up to "frelve bibles dumpling."<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Moist">>From the west, you hear a hoarse baritone voice wail, "A NEW CAR!" Then there's a sort of frying-pan noise that sounds like someone trying to imitate a crowd applauding.<</if>>
\<<if $hypercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your west is brightly lit, and you just heard a woodblock instrument being struck twice.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear rapid footsteps from the west, as if someone were running in circles. Better not go that way now.<</if>>\<<if $sniperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Ernest">>From the north, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "huh? that reminds me… huh?"<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Sherri">>From the north, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a mouthful of eggshells.<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Balzac">>From the north, you hear a loud crash, as if someone had knocked over furniture with a bowling ball.<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is crooning "Good King Wenceslas" in a drunken-sounding voice from the north.
<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Moist">>From the north, you hear a hoarse baritone voice wheeze, "Heeeey, VANNA!"<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your north is brightly lit, and you just heard a taiko drum.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear creaking and rumbling from the vents overhead, somewhere to your north.
<</if>>\<<if $sniperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Ernest">>From the south, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "whazzat? whazzat?"<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Sherri">>From the south, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a crisp, juicy apple.<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Balzac">>From the south, you hear a deep bouncing sound, as if someone had dropped a timpani drum.<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is humming "Jingle Bells" in a dizzy-sounding voice from the south.<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Moist">>From the south, you hear a hoarse baritone voice cough, "Where's our next contestant? Come on down!"<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Koy">> Koy Monster:You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your south is brightly lit, and you can dimly hear wind chimes.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear creaking and rumbling from the vents overhead, somewhere to your south.
<</if>>
\<<if $sniperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Ernest">>From the east, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "you don't need a hand up or a handout…" <</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Sherri">>From the east, you hear loud munching sounds, as if someone were messily eating a raw pumpkin.<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Balzac">>From the east, you hear an alarming clatter, as if someone had tried to swing with a golf club and it went flying through a window. <</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is gurgling "Deck The Halls" in a disoriented-sounding voice from the east. <</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Moist">>From the east, you hear a hoarse baritone voice gurgle, "I would //love// to see you in this brand new 2024 Esophagus!""<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your east is brightly lit, and you just heard a voice exclaim "Yoo~oooh" in a distinctly Kabuki-esque manner. <</if>>
<<else>>You hear creaking and rumbling from the vents overhead, somewhere to your east.<</if>>\<<if $sniperkillmode is true>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Ernest">>From the west, you hear stumbling, tripping sounds, and a small voice saying, "i'm not the least weasel… I'm the most weasel…" <</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Sherri">>From the west, you hear a voice of someone talking with their mouth full; it sounds like they're saying "Don't call me a worm."<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Balzac">>From the west, you hear a scraping, grinding sound, as if someone were moving the goalposts.<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Blintz">>Someone is warbling an off-key "The Twelve Days of Christmas" from the west. It sounds like they're up to "frelve bibles dumpling."<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Moist">>From the west, you hear a hoarse baritone voice wail, "A NEW CAR!" Then there's a sort of frying-pan noise that sounds like someone trying to imitate a crowd applauding.<</if>>
\<<if $snipercaptive is "Koy">>You can't see what's in there from where you are, but the area to your west is brightly lit, and you just heard a woodblock instrument being struck twice.<</if>>
<<else>>You hear creaking and rumbling from the vents overhead, somewhere to your west.
<</if>>\<<if $vipercaptive is "Ernest">>
You have made a grievous mistake.
Something larger than you is in this room. In fact, it nearly fills the room and continues out into the next.
What you see is a long and furry tube, like a giant sleeve, projecting into the room. It's moving, but you can't see any legs or feet; instead it seems to be inverting itself, the open front end protruding further and further like the telescoping eye of a snail. It has a pungent smell of animal musk.
As you watch, your body makes an infinitely soft sound, perhaps a rattle in your breath or a knuckle popping; it doesn't matter. The creature, if this can be called a creature, senses it. Immediately, with purpose and alacrity, it twists and focuses its orifice on you.
<<if not $thud>>You have no way to defend yourself.
The sleeve of musky fur suddenly ejects its inside, striking you like a soft plush spear, and pulls you off your feet and toward the main body, where the orifice is opening to engulf you.
In its interior darkness, you think you see glittering black eyes.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Ernest," says [[a new voice.|ThudReunion]] "I know that's you."<</if>>
<</if>><<if $vipercaptive is "Sherri">>
You have made a tragic mistake.
Something very large, and very red, and very soft, is squeezing its way into this room, segment by segment.
You have never smelled a more chokingly sweet smell than what is filling the room now, razing your nostrils and permeating your lungs. The artificiality of it raises your gorge. It's the smell of cherries that have never seen the outside of a laboratory, of carcinogenic red dyes bubbling in an evil witch's cauldron. The smell of carbon dioxide, the dizziness you get from inhaling an empty soda bottle, writ large.
The room is getting very crowded, as segment after segment of this endlessly long entity crowds its way around you, like being stuck on a bus with fifty of the fattest men you've ever seen.
<<if $apple is not true>>You have no way to defend yourself. No puppet in your sight could protect you.
The head of the thing comes closer— if it can even be called a head, since it's no different from any other, merely unconnected on one end. It's not coming toward you specifically, but simply charging blindly forward. It collides with you, knocking the wind out of you, and presses you into another segment. Then another, and another, another. another…
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center><<else>>
Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Cherry, stop it!" says [[a new voice.|AppleReunion]] "This isn't the Cherry I know!"<</if>><</if>><<if $vipercaptive is "Balzac">>
You have made a calamitous mistake.
No exit is clear from this room. Any doorway, including the one you just entered through, is showering the room with… you have to look again, but yes, it's sports balls.
Basketballs and volleyballs, baseballs and tennis balls. You can't take a step for fear of slipping, not that you can walk very easily in the first place when you're up to your hips in sports equipment.
<<if not $proust>>f you had an inner tube, a pair of water wings, anything to hang onto, you could keep your balance, but you're sinking rapidly in the balls.
The balls are starting to heap up in the center of the room. The heap rolls away in all directions, revealing the huge ‘cage ball' that was pushing them up. How did that fit into the room?
The laces holding the cage ball's canvas covering closed abruptly come undone, and two stark white eyeballs with hugely dilated pupils are peering out at you from inside.
Before you can say anything, you're struck in the chest by a sticky red strand, like a tongue, and pulled off your feet, toward those staring eyes.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center><<else>>At that moment, the single least likely thing becomes your savior.
"Balzac?" says [[a new voice.|ProustReunion]] "I need you to pick up your toys now."<</if>>
<</if>><<if $vipercaptive is "Blintz">>
You have made a disastrous mistake.
Standing dead center in this room, facing you directly, is something you definitely weren't expecting: a hollow reindeer made of strings of lights. It looks like a Christmas yard decoration.
The unlit reindeer stands mutely for a moment, and then a voice that sounds like it's coming through an intercom says, "Testing initial sequence."
At that moment, the reindeer lights up, including baleful red eyes in the face: strangely, the only unlit part is the antlers, which in the brighter light appear to actually be black hands.
"Engage procedure." The deer begins to flash like a strobe light.
You're too disoriented by the sudden strobe effect to turn and leave, which means you get a good look at the strangest thing happening: the hands are growing. In fact, they're growing more hands— each fingertip of the original two hands is now a hand of its own, and the ten new hands are growing their own hands. The deer's modest antlers have become a towering crown of clenching, grasping, squeezing hands, with more seeming to bud from the last every second.
<<if not $desmond>>In a few dizzying moments, there are too many hands to count— except to know that they are all reaching for you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>You're too disoriented by the strobe effect to defend yourself— but someone else isn't.
"BLINTZ!" shouts [[a new voice.|DivanReunion]] "Cut it out! You're better than this!"<</if>>
<</if>><<if $vipercaptive is "Moist">>
You have made a dire mistake.
The door is now blocked by a rapidly spreading puddle of something. It looks a little like mustard, except it's got gray streaks… and it's moving.
You try to step backwards, but it's flowing too quickly. A moment later you back into an obstacle and slide down, staring at the awful liquid muck as it engulfs your shoes.
What's surprising is that this creeping fluid substance is more furry than wet. It's just barely damp, in fact.
In a moment, it has completely surrounded you, and you're ankle-deep in the poisonous-looking liquid fur.
Two big white eyeballs bubble up to the surface, like meatballs in a soup, and orient on you.
<<if not $mince>>
You have no way to defend yourself.
Before your eyes, the surface of the furry liquid opens up, peeling away like a toilet seat lid cover, and a great yawning void appears before you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Ahem! Just what do you think you're doing?" says [[a surprising voice|MinceReunion]]. "Belch Moistly, you need to show some table manners before you eat!"<</if>>
<</if>><<if $vipercaptive is "Koy">>
"You have made a fatal mistake."
You can't tell who said that at first, but it's made all too clear a moment later— when a giant mechanical hand wraps around your body and lifts you up like a drink can.
Next thing you know, a huge, baleful yellow eye is glaring right in your face.
"I know who you are, you know," says the eye's owner in an imperious tone. "You're that new puppeteer. You must be so proud of yourself." The hand pulls you back as if to give you a better look, revealing the eye to belong to something you never thought you'd see; a towering, fifteen-foot dragon.
The dragon's fish-scaled skin gleams in the dim light. Its tongue flutters as it talks, and its nostrils flare with every breath; but it's not truly alive, for you can see pneumatic tubes, bundles of wire, and servomotors behind gaps in its facade.
"Look at you! Even now, with death staring you in the face, you're taking me apart in your head," the dragon sneers. "You thought that being the biggest fan of the Handfuls meant you could join them yourself. Malcolm's little protege… and where is he now?"
<<if not $dennis>>It's right. Mal isn't here— no one who could defend you is.
"I was there, you know," says the dragon in a mocking tone of voice. "I saw what happened. Malcolm Newsome didn't die of a drug overdose at all… and now no one else will ever know that."
The dragon raises its head, baring its half-finished throat. Slowly, the web of girders and supports that forms its rib cage splits apart, like a mouthful of crooked teeth, and opens wide to consume you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>You raise your hand, and a [[voice you haven't heard in weeks|DennisReunion]] speaks.
"Princess, I know it's not my place, but this isn't right."<</if>>
<</if>><<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>><<unset $MonsterTarget>><<unset $puppet1>>
<<unset $puppet2>>You straighten up the stands and make sure each puppet is on the right one. This is also a good opportunity to sanitize and dry your hands.
[[Continue|Back of the Van]] \<<if lastVisited("RoomB1") is 0>>
"This is called the Don Sahlin Ballroom," Blintz muses. "Do you know who that is? I never met him— he died before Mal was born— but apparently he was a ‘master puppet builder,' and Mal wanted to pay tribute to him here."
She looks around at the dusty tables and chairs, shaking her head and tut-tutting in disapproval. "But it wasn't called that when we bought the place. It was the Violet Pastille Ballroom… whatever that means. It had been here since the 1930s." Her mouth crumples tightly. "Where's the master puppet builder when you really need him?" <</if>>
\<<if lastVisited("D4") is 0>>
Blintz takes a good long look at a drawer filled with puppet eyeballs, of all shapes, sizes and colors.
Finally she turns to you. "What the hell are those things?" she hisses. <</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 0>>
“Oh, this is where the tours start,” Blintz says. “Not really my department, I’m in research and development… although I suppose I could set up a place for tourists to volunteer to be a test animal in my experiments! I bet a lot of people would sign up for that, thinking it was just some kind of interactive show… hehehhhh…” <</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomA3") is 0>>
“Do they sell the Halloween costumes at this gift shop?” Blintz muses. “I always liked the one they came up with for me. They even sold Sexy Blintz and Sexy Sherri Cola costumes, once! And also Sexy Ernest, which seems kind of redundant to me…”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomB5") is 0>>
“Hey, I did some videos here,” Blintz says, perking up. “It was 2020, during the shelter-in-place order. With work on the streaming show shut down, I did a bunch of videos with kitchen science experiments for kids! The one where I make sugar glass went super viral!” She shakes her head. “And that’s why there’s a meme about me eating glass now.”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 0>>
“The live shows were always so much fun,” Blintz reminisces. “Most of the time all we get to see is the camera crew. It’s great to see people laughing in person! Of course, they can also see our big secret.” Her nose may not glow red but you can tell she’s blushing. “But they never look at the puppeteers! Their eyes are on us all the time! It’s very gratifying.”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomD7") is 0>>
“Hello, I’m a Mac,” Blintz snickers, looking at the wall of Apple computers. “I forget if you were here— did you know we shot one of those ‘Mac vs. PC’ ads ourselves? Ernest was the Mac and I was the PC. It was really funny, but they ended up not using it because the test audiences thought it meant you could get weasel and reindeer shaped computers now…!” She rolls her eyes, or at least it looks like she does under her safety goggles. “It wasn’t exactly truthful anyway, Mal always used both!”<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("ElevatorB") is 0>>
“Heh heh, hope we don’t see any Vermicious Knids on this elevator,” Blintz jokes. “Did you ever read, uh… actually you probably didn’t. Never mind.”<</if>>\<<if lastVisited("RoomA3") is 0>>
“So you found the key to the cabinet Ern was in, in here? Is that right?” Moist looks around, trying to be nonchalant. “How about keys to the cash register? The safe? Anything?” He glances at one of the shelves. “Hey, how much you think these music boxes goes for on eBay? If it’s a lot… you want to have a music box swallowing contest? You go first!”<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomC1") is 0>>
“You know, it’s pretty annoying how everything around here gets such a misleading name,” Moist grunts. “Take me, f’rinstance. Belch Moistly. Not a syllable untrue there. But this— they call this a //lobby?//“ He shakes his big flat head in disapproval. “Not only are there no lobsters to be seen anywhere, but if you actually do lob something, like say the melted butter you thought you would need, everyone gets mad!”<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomC5") is 0>>
“Ah, who needs all this fancy broadcasting stuff? I do my best work online,” snorts Moist. “You know, unboxing videos, explainers for things I don’t know, reviews of old Handfuls episodes that I’m not in. Hey, once I even did a mukbang— with //real muck!//“<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomD8") is 0>>
“Don’t get excited. They can’t make money,” snorts Moist. “I checked. Or… huh, maybe vending machine slugs, though… Can we come back here later? When you get a minute.”<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomA2") is 0>>
"No one's working today, right?" Moist says. "So we can't hide in a filing cabinet and find out who's shtupping who?" He pauses, gauging your reaction. "Hey, it's not peeping! This is just eavesdropping, strictly for purposes of blackmail! I'm not a //perv.//"<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomB4") is 0>>
"Ahhh, the bathroom!" Moist looks tremendously relieved just to be in here. "Source of the world's //finest// and most timeless humor! Home of drain flies and silverfish! How I love the crusty puddle of dried soap under the sink dispenser! The magnificent jet-engine scream of the air hand dryer! The muffled angry telephone conversations while you wait patiently outside the stall! Why... I do believe I feel a //song// coming on!"
Moist waits expectantly, but no ambient music begins to play, to his frustration.<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomB7") is 0>>
"You know, I can eat three times my own weight in groceries!" Moist brags. "I mean, if they're still in the package, that is. Not super great to let real food touch you if you're a Handful, unless it's something super dry. You remember that sketch where I eat all those urinal cakes? Yeah, they're just rice cakes painted pink." His eye peeks longingly back at the bathroom. "Say, uh, on our way out, you think we could make a pit stop and..."<</if>><<if lastVisited("RoomD2") is 0>>
"Say, what's your favorite tool to get hit on the head with?" Moist asks conversationally. "You've got one of those huge dome-shaped heads like most humans, so you'd probably get the best results from something flat that makes a loud noise, like a shovel or something. Me, I'm a big fan of anything where you can hold it by the blade and crack me over the head with the handle! It's really funny when you do that with a chainsaw or something." He looks at the big wall of tools and starts ranking them. "Good... good... //great...// oh, an electric knife, that's 'S' tier... Lug wrench? Eh, mid."<</if>>\<<if lastVisited("RoomA1") is 0>>
Princess Koy doesn't look impressed. "This history doesn't add up," she frowns. "There's no way that Ernest and Sherri went to high school together. It just makes things even //less// believable if you start throwing concrete years and ages around."<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomA4") is 0>>
Princess Koy's eyes flash and she glares around the room, as if zapping everything in sight with a spotlight gun. "None of these things are in our name," she frowns. "We need to renegociate our contracts so we can make money off our own faces again. I just wish I knew who we were renegociating them with, if Mal's gone..."<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomB6") is 0>>
"The Eighties?" Princess Koy says with an indifferent shrug. "It happened. It wasn't the defining cultural moment that Generation X thinks it is, though. The millennials are right, it was a good time to be a kid... if you ignore the constant stranger danger, your albums being burned, and little to no support for queer youth, not to mention AIDS..."<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomB8") is 0>>
"Are you cold, human?" chuckles Princess Koy. "Perhaps I can warm you up." Glowing sparks emerge from her fangs as she says this.
'How are you doing that??" Blintz stares. "Is it a physical or chemical reaction?"
"It would take a scientst to explain, I'm afraid."
"But I am a scientist! Why can't you demonstrate it for me?"
"All right, stand back..." Princess Koy rolls her neck, as if building her strength, and spews a two-foot tongue of blue flame; it really does make the freezer warmer, at least for a second or two!
Blintz is shivering, and not just from the cold. "...could you have done that any time?"
"Oh yeah."
"But you didn't, even when Sherri was getting in your face, or Moist mouthed off at you..."
The Princess shrugs. "What good does setting you guys on fire do?"
"I dunno... if I had my notes ready it would be a learning experience..."<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomC7") is 0>>
Princess Koy's nose wrinkles. It's still kind of amazing how many different expressions are built into her face.
"Powder," she sniffs. "Foundation, concealer, perfume, tweezers. So many little rituals you humans go through, all in the name of feeling less //natural//." She chuckles, small sparks flying off her tongue. "And then there's these latex applications and prostheses... What part of you is even visible on the television screen? The eyes, if you're lucky?" She rolls her own eyes. "It sounds to me like the ultimate goal of all humans is to //become// Handfuls. I guess we know which is the superior species...!"<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomD6") is 0>>
Princess Koy takes a deep sniff and looks satisfied. "Sawdust," she says, approval in her voice. "I was built for outdoor performances, in sylvan settings. My first ramen commercial was shot under a natural waterfall, near a sawmill... they recorded some of the sawmill noise to use for my roars."
Her eyes flash as she looks at you. "Does it strike you as strange, human? That my origins be inexplicably tied to the artificialities of advertising, and yet I prefer the wilds and uncivilized world? I don't have to explain my life's contradictions to you... the puppeteer turned cat burglar."<</if>>
\
\<<if lastVisited("RoomD7") is 0 and $catwalk is true>>
"Most of these boxes are empty," Koy says. "Mr. Newsome made a habit of donating his used electronics when they upgraded their systems; he kept the original boxes for when they needed to be shipped again, with original documentation. i wonder if there was an incident that led to these precautions? Perhaps he was simply that farsighted."
Koy bends her head to squint at a small box, and a smile crosses her face, but she says nothing. The box is for a small cell phone, and has a number of registration stickers on the outside, including a couple of free months of streaming video, and the option to save your data in the cloud. "All present and accounted for," she nods, but doesn't follow up on that. <</if>>
\
<<if $founddesmond is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a stupid weird thing, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a fidget toy, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find some stale chips, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a wallet! Nice! But it's empty! Still no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a Christmas card from one of the employees, but no puppet.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a cute little live mouse! But it's not a puppet, so you let it go. Run, mousie!<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomC5]]<</if>>
<<if $founddesmond is not true>>Standing on the stage itself, it looks like someone's in the audience. Another thief? A monster? No, better than either of those-- a puppet!
You have found ''Devan Pfeffernusse.''
This is the first puppet you've found that represents a human... or at least a humanoid. It's actually based on the famous comedian, Devan Feiffer, who was a close friend of Malcolm Newsome; you even saw him at the funeral. More than a decade ago, they made a holiday special together, and this was the main character: Devan Pfeffernusse, the elf who celebrated Kwanzaa instead of Christmas. There were a lot of elf puppets, but this is the only one wearing a dashiki instead of a jingly collar.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't take Devan, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>You take Devan and put him on your hand.
<<set $desmond to true>>
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Devan">><<set $puppet1 to "Devan">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Devan">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $desmond to true>><<set $founddesmond to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have Devan. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomC5]]
<</if>><<set $totalkeys to 5>>
You have $totalkeys keys on your keyring.
<<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>
You try your red crystal key in the lock. It works! You take it off the ring.
You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>You try a key and it doesn't work. Better try again.<</if>>
<<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>
You try your tarnished bronze key in the lock. It works! You take it off the ring.
You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>You try a key and it doesn't work. Better try again.<</if>>
<<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>
You try your black pudding key in the lock. It works! You take it off the ring.
You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>You try a key and it doesn't work. Better try again.<</if>>
<<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>
You try your stinky cheese key in the lock. It works! You take it off the ring.
You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>You try a key and it doesn't work. Better try again.<</if>>
<<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>
You try your screaming eyeball key in the lock. It works! You take it off the ring.
You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>You try a key and it doesn't work. Better try again.<</if>>
<<if $totalkeys is 0>>You unlocked all five locks!<<else>>You have $totalkeys keys left over.<</if>>
[[Balzac Key]]
[[Elevator Key]]
[[Soundstage Key]]
[[Golf Cart Key]]<<if not $sherri>><<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>After what feels like several tense minutes of grabbing at keys, losing your grip and trying again, the small silver key slips into the lock and it pops open.
You have found Balzac, the sports-loving armadillo.
Balzac is the color of a basketball, and when he pulls his head in, as armadillos do, he looks just like a basketball too. This unique feature of the puppet makes him into something of a soft-sculpture Transformer. His powerful-looking clawed hands are attached to his hips, giving him a permanent arms-akimbo pose when his head is fully extended, but making him appear to cower when peeking out of his shell. His bulging eyes are large and his pupils are small, which makes him look either enthusiastic, or terrified.
Although Balzac is known to wear a basketball jersey (which fits under his carapace, via snap fasteners) and sometimes a baseball cap, this puppet isn't wearing anything but the child-sized athletic shoes that form his feet.
"PLAY BALL!" Balzac cheers as soon as you have him on your hand.
<<if $heldpuppets lt 1>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Balzac">><<set $puppet1 to "Balzac">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Balzac">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $balzac to true>><<set $foundbalzac to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have Balzac. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<set $fleeing to true>>
You leave the small silver key in the display box. <<if $totalkeys -1 is not 0>>You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys left on the ring.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>That was the last key on the keyring. <<set $keyring to false>><<set $keyringempty to true>><</if>><<else>>You try a key at random, but it doesn't work. Better try again.<</if>><<else>>"It's that little silver key," says Sherri Cola. "Just like on my case. And hold it steady, that keychain is kind of greasy and gross."<<if $heldpuppets lt 2>>
[[Open the case?|BalzacSherri]]<<else>>
You've got the key, you're so close! But what you don't have is a free hand to put Balzac on. Better head back to the van.<</if>><</if>>
[[Continue|RoomC1]]<<if $heldpuppets gt 1>>There's a control panel with a keyhole, but you can't use it-- because your hands are both occupied.<<else>>
<<if $sherri is not true>><<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>
Fumbling with the keys with one hand, you get the black electrical tape key into the glove compartment's lock. //Success!// <<set $elevatorkey to true>>
You take the key off the ring. <<if $totalkeys -1 is not 0>>You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys left on the ring.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>That was the last key on the keyring. <<set $keyring to false>><<set $keyringempty to true>><</if>><<else>>You try a key at random, but it doesn't work. Better try again.<</if>><<else>>"It's the one with the tape on it, right there," Sherri says, gesturing at your keychain. "Don't waste time. You never know when one of those things could come back..."
You click the key into the lock, turn it on, and leave it where it is. The elevator thrums to life; it worked!<</if>><</if>>
[[Return to the warehouse floor.|RoomD1]]<<if not $sherri>><<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>
Fumbling with the keys with one hand, you get the ugly magenta key into the glove compartment's lock. //Success!// <<set $glovecompartment to true>>
The glove compartment pops open, revealing some tourism pamphlets, straws from the cafe, a tissue box... and an ID card that says "Workshop". You attach it to your lanyard.
''You can now enter R&D.''<<set $card3 to true>>
You leave this key in the glove compartment. <<if $totalkeys -1 is not 0>>You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys left on the ring.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>That was the last key on the keyring. <<set $keyring to false>><<set $keyringempty to true>><</if>><<else>>You try a key at random, but it doesn't work and the keyring falls out of your hand. Better try again.<</if>><</if>>
<<if $sherri>>"It's that ugly magenta key on the keyring," Sherri Cola says. "What? Yeah, I know //I'm// magenta, but I'm not a key!"
Fumbling with the keys with one hand, you get the ugly magenta key into the glove compartment's lock. //Success!// <<set $glovecompartment to true>>
The glove compartment pops open, revealing some tourism pamphlets, straws from the cafe, a tissue box... and an ID card that says "Workshop". You attach it to your lanyard.
"Hot cha!" cheers Sherri. "It took long enough, but now we're on our way!"
''You can now enter R&D.''<<set $card3 to true>><</if>>
[[Continue|Golf Cart]]<<if $heldpuppets gt 1>>You try to unlock the door... and fail. You can't open it because your hands are both occupied.<<else>><<if not $sherri>><<if random($totalkeys) is 1>>
Fumbling with the keys with one hand, you get the big black key into the door's lock. //Success!// <<set $soundstageopen to true>>
You leave this key in the door for later. <<if $totalkeys -1 is not 0>>You have <<= $totalkeys-1>> keys left on the ring.<<set $totalkeys to $totalkeys-1>><<else>>That was the last key on the keyring. <<set $keyring to false>><<set $keyringempty to true>><</if>><<else>>You try a key at random, but it doesn't work. Better try again.<</if>><<else>>"You want that big black key for this one." Sherri says. "Better hurry, we don't have much time... that thing is so fast!"
Fumbling with the keys with one hand, you get the big black key into the glove compartment's lock. //Success!// <<set $soundstageopen to true>>
[[Continue through the open door.|RoomC5]]<</if>><</if>>
[[Return to the hallway.|RoomC4]]
There's not a lot to find on the lot apart from the four major buildings. It looks like a street sweeper has been through here recently, there's not even much litter on the ground.
Behind the studio building, though, you do find one thing of interest: a ''golf cart''.
This golf cart was used by employees to zip around the lot more briskly, although it's hardly a long walk otherwise. It's been sitting unplugged for a long time, so the battery is dead.
<<if $heldpuppets gt 1>>There's a ''glove box'', but you can't open it because your hands are both occupied.<<else>>
<<if $glovecompartment is not true>>There is a ''glove box'', but it's locked.
<<if $keyring is true>>Try one of your [[keys from the keyring|Golf Cart Key]] on the glove box?
<<else>>You don't have any key that fits it. <<if $sherri is true>>
Sherri takes a sniff of the glove box keyhole. "They're always losing the key to this," she says. "Look for a really garish key that stands out in a dark place."<</if>> <</if>>
<<else>>The glove compartment is open, but there's nothing else you need in there.<</if>><</if>>
Return to the [[Quadrangle]].
<<if $foundmoist is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a huge ball of polyfill spiderwebbing for the set, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find matching ghost-shaped salt and pepper shakers, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find one of Count Spatula's empty ketchup bottles. He always says he's "recovering from a drinking problem," but no one's sure what he keeps in those.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a large foam numeral seven. Wow, a celebrity number! Right up there with Bob McGrath!
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find Count Spatula's maracas, for when he does the Ketchup Salsa! No puppets, though.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>
You find one of the photographs on the wall of the many celebrity guests who have visited the Silver Spoon! Oh, but this one was taken off the wall for a reason, after #MeToo brought some unfortunate things to light about this star.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomC6]]<</if>>
<<if $foundmoist is not true>>Balled up under a diner stool is a puppet that seems to be in bad condition... but he's not. That's just how he is.
You have found ''Moist'' (which is short for "Belch Moistly"), the resident con man and troublemaker from //Count Spatula's Silver Spoon.//
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't pick him up, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>Moist is a bigger puppet than many. His head is as wide and flat as a pair of cymbals, making his profile look something like a hi-hat. His felt skin is mustard yellow with sickly grey mottling.
His eyes bulge out of his flat head, and inside his mouth are a set of disturbingly human-shaped teeth. He has no tongue, but he has two "throats" that fit around the puppeteer's hand, enabling him to swallow things. He wears a white dress collar with the widest, ugliest necktie you've ever seen. His short, thin arms, unlike most of the Handfuls, swing freely at his sides rather than being pinned to his body; this enables him to windmill them wildly when he's excited, like now.
"Oh, heya kid! It's you! You know, don't go spreading this around, but when I heard what happened to the big guy, I thought the same was gonna happen to the rest of us... but this is way worse." He coughs, as if smoking a cigar that he doesn't have. "Anything's better than this. Main Street, and step on it!"
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Moist">><<set $puppet1 to "Moist">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Moist">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $moist to true>><<set $foundmoist to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Belch Moistly. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<center>//Get to the van!//</center>
<<set $fleeing to true>>
<</if>>
[[Continue.|RoomC6]]
<</if>>This is ROOM. <<if $hyper is not NUMBER>>
PASTE DESCRIPTION HERE.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|ACTUALLY FRUITFUL SEARCH]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|BASIC PUPPET FIND]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $hyper is not NUMBER>>You can go DIRECTION to [[ROOMNAME.|BASIC PUPPET FIND]].<<else>><<include "MONSTERDIRECTION">><</if>>
<<else>> VAGUE THREAT.<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
This is ROOM. <<if $sniper is not NUMBER>>
PASTE DESCRIPTION HERE.
<<include "Puppet Status">>
You can [[search|ABSIC ASS SEARCH]] for clues if you think you're safe.
You can [[just wait|RoomD]] if you think that would be safer.
<<if $sniper is not NUMBER>>You can go DIRECTION to [[ROOMNAME.|RoomD]].<<else>><<include "MONSTERDIRECTION">><</if>>
<<else>> VAGUE THREAT.<<include "HyperEncounter">><</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>
<<if $MONSTER is NUMBER OR NUMBER>><<if $balzac is true>>"Something's close to us. We should hide," says Balzac nervously. [["Right there!"|BASIC ASS HIDING PLACE]]<</if>><</if>>
\<<if hasVisited("BASIC ASS HIDING PLACE")>>There's still a [[HIDING PLACE|BASIC ASS HIDING PLACE]] here you can hide in.<</if>>\<<if $WHATYOUGETHERE is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a stupid weird thing, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a fidget toy, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find some stale chips, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a wallet! Nice! But it's empty! Still no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a treasure chest-- nah, just kidding.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a cute little live mouse! But it's not a puppet, so you let it go. Run, mousie!<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|Room WHEREYOUJUSTWERE]]<</if>>
<<if $WHATYOUGETHERE is not true>>
YOU FOUND SOME SHIT
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't pick it up, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>YOU GET THE FUCKIN SHIT.
<<set $WHATYOUGETHERE to true>>
''BIG ANNOUNCEMENT IN BOLD.''
DELETE IF NO PUPPET
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "PUPPET">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $PUPPET to true>><<set $found PUPPET to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have PUPPET. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<center>//Get to the van!//</center>DELETE IF COSTAR
<</if>>[[Continue.|Room WHEREYOUJUSTWERE]]
<</if>><<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You've found a puppet! But you've got one on each arm already. Better drop them off at the van and come back here!<<else>><<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "PUPPET">><<set $puppet1 to "PUPPET">><<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>><<set $puppet2 to "PUPPET">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $PUPPET to true>><<set $foundPUPPET to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have THIS PUPPET. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<center>//Get to the van!//</center><</if>>\<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find undeniable evidence that the game designer is running out of time and phoning it in. Not what you're looking for, but you suspected it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|Room WHEREYOUJUSTWERE]]<</if>><<if $FOUND THING is not true>><<if $koi is true>>Princess Koy's flashlight eyes snap open and focus on the [[HIDING PLACE.|SearchROOMNUMBER]] "There's something," she says. "Might want to have a look before we leave."<</if>><</if>>\<<if $keyring is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a stupid weird thing, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a burned-out lightbulb in one of the vanities, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find a giant powder puff, which is mostly here for comedy purposes. It's not a puppet... but on the other hand, if you added some googly eyes...
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find some lipstick, but it's not your color.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a treasure chest-- nah, just kidding.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a well-read copy of James and the Giant Peach. Whose was this?<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomC7]]<</if>><<if $keyring is not true>><<if $keyringempty is not true>>In one of the dressing rooms you find possibly the greatest treasure you could hope for here: a keyring! With //four// keys on it! <<if $heldpuppets is 2>>
You can't pick it up, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>You pick it up and snag it onto your lanyard. Score!!
There are four keys on the ring: a ''big black key'', a ''small silver key'', an ''ugly magenta key'', and a ''key with black electrical tape on it''.
<<set $keyring to true>><<set $totalkeys to 4>>
''You have the keyring.''<</if>>
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomC7]]
<</if>>----
<table style="width:100%" ><tr>
<td><center>''Left Hand:''
<<if ndef $puppet1>>-free-<<else>>$puppet1
<</if>></center></td><td><center>''Lanyard:''
~~Office ID Card~~
\<<if $card1 is true>>
~~Kitchen ID Card~~<</if>>
\<<if $card2 is true>>
~~Studio ID Card~~<</if>>
\<<if $card3 is true>>
~~R&D ID Card~~<</if>>
\<<if $barrelkey is true>>
~~Barrel key~~<</if>>
\<<if $tinykey is true>>
~~Tiny key~~<</if>>
\<<if $keyring is true>>
~~ Keyring~~
^^($totalkeys keys)^^<</if>>
\<<if $padlockkey is true>>
~~Brass key~~<</if>>
</center> </td><td><center>''Right Hand:''
<<if ndef $puppet2>>-free-<<else>>$puppet2<</if>> </center> </td></tr></table><center>[img[headline.jpg]]
[[Return to the Van|The Van]] and try again.
[[Restart game.|Entry Point]]</center>
\<<set $ticktock to 0>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 0>>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $ork to false>>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $diaper to 0>>
\<<set $hyper to 0>>
\<<set $viper to 0>>
\<<set $sniper to 0>>
\<<set $dave to 0>>
\<<set $fleeing to false>>
\<<unset $MonsterTarget>>
\<<unset $puppet1>>
\<<unset $puppet2>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some more torn metal pieces that used to be part of the staircase. Those could be dangerous!
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find undeniable evidence that the game designer is running out of time and phoning it in. Not what you're looking for, but you suspected it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD1]]\<<if $foundcapnbill is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a bunch of old index cards showing when people checked tools out from the tool library. It feels like using the card catalog at the school library... or at least it would, you imagine, if you had ever used the card catalog instead of the computer like a normal person.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find someone's dusty old mouth guard-- yech. Not a puppet.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD2]]<</if>>
<<if $foundcapnbill is not true>>It occurs to you to look under the desk where you kicked that power tool, which Blintz had suggested might be a drill or something. Upon further investigation, it turns out to be something very different.
You have found ''Captain Bill Weedles.''
This magnificent, elaborate puppet was created for The Adventures of Trot and Cap'n Bill. In the film, the old sea captain is transformed into a grasshopper, peg leg and all, by an evil witch; through the use of magic berries, he's made big enough to ride on the Ork, leading a charge to defeat the evil witch and her patron, King Krewl.
The grasshopper version of Cap'n Bill has a sophisticated system of air bladders and hydrostatic tubes in his head, which change the grasshopper's mouth in subtle ways as he is performed: even his ‘cheeks' seem to puff out when he speaks. He also has mobile eyes, a very unusual quality for Handfuls; when his head is turned, his eyes turn first and then straighten up with the body. Even his antennae can raise or lower to show his mood.
In the movie, Cap'n Bill's voice was dubbed by the actor who played his human counterpart, Will Nicholson; however, he was performed by Mal Newsome himself, even while also performing the Ork.
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>
You can't pick it up, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>
You carefully place Cap'n Bill on your hand. It's sort of a thrill to have a piece of film history with you!<<set $foundcapnbill to true>><<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Cap'n Bill">><<set $puppet1 to "Cap'n Bill">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Cap'n Bill">><</if>><<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $capnbill to true>><<set $foundcapnbill to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
''You have Cap'n Bill, the grasshopper. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomD2]]
<</if>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a discarded nametag. The name written on it is "Sniper". Whoever Sniper is, they have //exquisite// penmanship.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some components that are actually part of the Ork. These are the motors that allow his wings to buzz like a dragonfly! Very cool, but you're not here to //restore// puppets, just find them.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD3]]\<<if $founddennis is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a stupid weird thing, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a fidget toy, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find some stale chips, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a wallet! Nice! But it's empty! Still no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a treasure chest-- nah, just kidding.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a cute little live mouse! But it's not a puppet, so you let it go. Run, mousie!<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD4]]<</if>>
<<if $founddennis is not true>>Peeking into an open drawer, you're surprised to see a skeletal face staring back at you-- and a familiar one at that!
You have found ''Dennis.''
This puppet, a diminutive, skull-faced being dressed as a Imperial Chinese official, is left over from a noodle commercial. He's meant to represent a jiang-shi, also known as a "Chinese hopping vampire", a monster that both haunts nightmares and delights children. He now plays the role of long-suffering personal assistant to Princess Koy, a breakout star of Mal's final show. He has never been referred to by name on the show, but off camera he's been nicknamed "Dennis, the Hopper."
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>You can't take Dennis with you, though: you have a puppet on each hand!<<else>>You put Dennis on your arm and chomp his jaw. Feels good to have him back-- he's yours! Dennis is one of the first Handfuls performed and created by yourself.
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Dennis">><<set $puppet1 to "Dennis">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Dennis">><</if>><<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $dennis to true>><<set $founddennis to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>
<<set $dennis to true>>''You have Dennis, the hopper.''
<</if>>[[Continue.|RoomD4]]
<</if>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find undeniable evidence that the game designer is running out of time and phoning it in. Not what you're looking for, but you suspected it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD5]]<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find undeniable evidence that the game designer is running out of time and phoning it in. Not what you're looking for, but you suspected it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this section of catwalk is empty.|RoomD6]]<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find undeniable evidence that the game designer is running out of time and phoning it in. Not what you're looking for, but you suspected it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find what must be the only copy ever made of //Watermellon's I Don't Know!// This is like gold if you're a puppet history maniac! But it's not what you're here for, so you leave it behind.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD6]]<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find undeniable evidence that the game designer is running out of time and phoning it in. Not what you're looking for, but you suspected it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this section of catwalk is empty.|RoomD7]]<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find undeniable evidence that the game designer is running out of time and phoning it in. Not what you're looking for, but you suspected it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD7]]<<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find some totally rad old merchandise, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You just kind of wander in a hopeless circle looking for something in vain.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a neat bug, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find undeniable evidence that the game designer is running out of time and phoning it in. Not what you're looking for, but you suspected it.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find some old documents that aren't relevant to anything. Lot of those in here.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD8]]The night is already ending.
Streaks of plum color are beginning to cross the sky. You can just barely see the famous HOLLYWOOD sign, beginning to tinge yellow as it catches the first sunlight of the day. It's been a frightening, eventful, and emotional night for you, but it's over now.
It's time to drop off these puppets, go home, and get paid. You hope.
Your partner watches you, making sure you click your seatbelt. You're very tired.
She puts a hand on your thigh, looking into your eyes. "Don't think about how much more you could have done," she says. "Think about how, without you, //nothing// would have been done. That's what makes this worthwhile."
Red Riding Hood: The Ride rattles overhead one last time, as the clock in the dashboard clicks to 7:00 AM. The gate opens, the van lurches, and you're off.
You drive away. You did all you could, and maybe that's enough.
You found <<if $foundernest is true>>Ernest Weasel<<if $losternest is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundsherri is true>>Sherri Cola<<if $lostsherri is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundbalzac is true>>Balzac<<if $lostbalzac is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundblintz is true>>Blintz<<if $lostblintz is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundmoist is true>>Belch Moistly<<if $lostblintz is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundork is true>>The Ork, <</if>><<if $foundkoi is true>>Princess Koy<<if $lostkoi is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundthud is true>>Dull Thud<<if $lostthud is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundapple is true>>Sour Apple<<if $lostapple is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundproust is true>>Proust the soccer ball<<if $lostproust is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $founddesmond is true>>Desmond Pfeffernusse<<if $lostdesmond is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundmince is true>>Mince Churlishly<<if $lostmince is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $foundcapnbill is true>>Captain Bill Weedles<<if $lostcapnbill is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>><<if $founddennis is true>>Dennis the Hopper<<if $lostdennis is true>> (for a while)<</if>>, <</if>> and most importantly... peace of mind.
You found $totalpuppets Handfuls. <<if $totalpuppets gte 10>>AMAZING job.<<elseif $totalpuppets lte 4>>Good job.<<else>>Excellent job.<</if>>
[[You've earned your rest.|Epilogue]]This large warehouse is the puppet workshop, internally referred to as R&D. Skilled craftsmen and talented performers work side by side here to create the Handfuls as a joint effort. The door to enter this building is a large metal shutter, typically operated by remote.
The doorway is slightly obstructed by discarded scrap metal, looking like part of a broken sculpture of some kind. It looks like brushed steel. It's annoying to trip over, but not a danger if you keep your eyes open.
<<if not $card3>>Unfortunately, the doors won't open for you without an ID card.
<<else>>
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>
You have the ID card to open this door. What you DON'T have is a free hand to scan it with! You might want to come back with fewer puppets.
<</if>><<if $heldpuppets is 1>>
\
\<<if $blintz is not true>>
You scan your ID card. An electronic buzz sounds and you hear the latch unlock… but the shutter does not open for you.
It looks like you could just lift the door open to proceed, but you only have one free hand, since $puppet1 is with you.
In a few moments, you hear the lock click back into place. <<else>>
You scan your ID card. An electronic buzz sounds and you hear the latch unlock… but the shutter does not open for you.
"That doesn't sound right," Blintz says, cocking her head. "Well, never mind, I'm made to order for this situation… here, spot me!"
Blintz draws your attention to the two hand grips at the bottom of the shutter— which are perfectly spaced for her antlers. She bows her head to hook them both into the grips, and then whips her head up, sending the shutter flying up its railing and out of sight.
"That happens all the time," she reassures you. "Usually it's an electrical issue…" She trails off, realizing how right she is: the R&D warehouse is pitch dark inside. "Yikes," she concludes.
Assuming the door doesn't close and lock again, you're free to explore the darkened warehouse.
[[Enter the warehouse.|DarkHouse1]]<</if>><</if>><<if $heldpuppets is 0>>
You scan your ID card. An electronic buzz sounds and you hear the latch unlock… but the shutter does not open for you.
Luckily, there are a couple of hand grips at the bottom of the shutter. You bend to grab them and lift the shutter, hearing the sound of the jingling chains used to close the shutter from the inside, as the shutter rolls into place.
Unfortunately, the interior of this building is pitch dark. The emergency lights that came on in the other buildings seem to have failed in this one. If you want to proceed, it will be in the dark.
[[Enter the warehouse.|DarkHouse1]]<</if>><</if>>
[[Return to the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]]
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">><<if $hyperkillmode is not true>><<if $ork is not true>>You don't even have time to react; you're on your back on the floor before you realize what's happening at all.
Something you can barely see is grabbing blindly at you, prodding you, seemingly clutching at you from every direction at once. You can just barely make out the color cyan; you definitely know there are more than two hands touching you.
\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to true>>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Sherri">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Sherri">>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Balzac">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Balzac">>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Blintz">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Blintz">>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Moist">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Moist">>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Koy">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Koy">>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Thud">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Thud">>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Apple">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Apple">>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Proust">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Proust">>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Devan">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Devan">>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Mince">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Mince">>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Dennis">>
\<<set $hypercaptive to "Dennis">>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to true>><</if>>
Then, almost as soon as it had started, it's over. The galloping sound of too many feet has already disappeared into the front lobby, leaving you stunned and frazzled, but otherwise unharmed.
You raise one hand to straighten your mask, and suddenly realize that your hand is bare.
<<set $hyperpupa to true>><<set $hypercaptive to $puppet1>>
<<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets-1>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
You have lost $MonsterTarget.
There's nothing to do but regroup [[back at the van.|The Van]]<<unset $MonsterTarget>>
<<else>>The hands encircle you, seeming to form a cocoon around you; before all light is eclipsed, you see a featureless blue face less than an inch away from yours. Then it's gone, before either of you had a chance to register what you saw.
Everything goes black.
----
[[You're back on the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]] Apparently you were evicted.<</if>>
\<<else>>
You hear a sudden screeching sound, as if something had been coming right for you... and put on the brakes really hard.
Looking around, all you see is what looks like a cloud of dust. Something saw the Ork and didn't like what it saw.
"<<= either("Chirp,", "Meep meep,", "Croak,", "Cluck,", "Cuckoo,", "Tweet,", "Polly want a cracker,")>>" says the Ork, looking smug.
[[Anyway! Moving on.|passage()]] <</if>>
<<else>><<include "Transformed Hyper Encounter">><</if>>\<<if $sherri is true>><<if $sherrimural is not true>>As you trek back to the van, Sherri gets interested in something.
Sherri looks up at the mural. "Someone want to hold my sunglasses?" she asks, which seems to be her way of implying you should. It doesn't seem like it should make much difference, though— there's no eyes under her sunglasses, just two red bumps that match her skin.
"Did you hear where I first met Ernest and Malcolm?" Sherri says, looking up at the mural still. "We were doing a commercial together. Ernest was the star; me and my sister and a bunch of our friends were, like, groupies that were mobbing him." She sighs. "The commercial never aired, and most of us groupies got rebuilt into other puppets… that's one of the hazards of this job. But Mal and his sister had so much fun with me and my sister, they decided to keep us around." She tosses her hair smugly. "I'm a better accessorizer than Apple, that much is clear…"
She gestures for you to give her sunglasses back. "For a while they were casting me as a desperate obsessive in love with Ernest… which was more true than I'd like to admit." She bobs on your arm a few times to get the glasses to settle in the right position. "It was Mal's sister who suggested changing up the power dynamic, which is why they made me Ernest's boss. I don't have to play a clingy jealous girl anymore… but they didn't change Ernest, so he still never pays enough attention to me."
Sherri gives a long sigh. "I don't think Mal was interested in romance. He never talked about dating; his sister was the girl he was closest to, and no one ever heard him talk about guys either." She starts to laugh. "Oh, I'm not allowed to say who, but one of the Handfuls' main stable of puppeteers got her start when a competitor sent her to try and seduce Mal, and he talked her into trying out instead!"
"Anyway. Did you already find Ernest? Well, either way, I want to help." Sherri chuckles. "I may not be a… groupie anymore, but I still know my way around holes!" She blinks. "I mean, //keyholes.// If you find a locked door, I can tell you which key opens it and where it probably is!"<<set $sherrimural to true>>
<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $balzac is true>><<if $balzacmural is not true>>Balzac turns to the mural and looks up at the cast.
"I love this mural," he confesses. "I especially love that it's got me right up there in the front, with the stars of the Handfuls. I mean there's Ernest and Sherri, and Blintz, and Princess Koy…and then there's me." His voice quavers slightly. "R-right up there with the best."
He turns to you. "You know, I'm a lot of people's least favorite Handful." He pulls his head in, acting a little shy. "Mal always said it was something to be proud of, because the people who don't like me were some of his least favorite people too… the kind that went on TV and complained that I was making a mockery of masculinity somehow." He shakes his head. "They act like I was some sort of attack on manhood itself, you know? Like sports are this untouchable holy thing that are the core of this Church of Manliness, and it was blasphemy for this doofy armadillo to act like sports fans are actually sensitive and have feelings." He gives a derisive snort. "If that's Mal's incisive judgment on men, then men need to toughen up and recognize a compliment."
He looks back up at the mural. "So here we are, leaving the studio. What does it mean? Are we starting the act up again? Malcolm is gone… does that mean that someone else is going to perform me?"
You honestly don't have an answer for that.
"If somebody else performs me, then I'm going to change, aren't I." Balzac pulls further and further into his shell as he starts to worry. "I don't know if the new puppeteer will understand me, the way Mal understood me. Maybe they won't understand how I'm not a coward, but I'm not toxic masculinity personified either… would I even say something like this if I was still on his arm? I don't know! And… and now I'll never know."
"I don't want to be Flanderized. Maybe I'm not everyone's favorite Handful, but I like being me. Maybe you should have left me in the case, so they could make a new character like me and I could stay the same…" He pulls completely into his shell, and you have to pet it for a minute to get him to come out.
"I'm so sorry," he says when he emerges. "That's my defense mechanism, I hide… in fact, I bet I could help you!" He looks a bit more alert. "I'm really good at finding hiding places. If you bring me along, I bet I could point them out for you!"<<set $balzacmural to true>>
<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $blintz is true>><<if $blintzmural is not true>>Passing the mural on the way to the van, Blintz turns and looks. "Hang on," she says. "Give me a minute."
The two of you look up at the mural in silence for a moment.
Blintz turns to you. "Do you like to do drugs?"
That's a funny question, coming from a puppet.
"Recreational drugs, of course. I'm sure you take OTC painkillers and stuff— hoisting big puppets over your head probably kills your arm when you do it all day." She looks back up at the mural. "But one thing was for sure, when you were working with Malcolm, and you met fans… you were going to get offered drugs."
"That was something Mal and I had in common, actually— we both had a reputation as the wacky, zany one in our social groups, and because of that, there was a lot of assumption that we were big drug users. Like, ‘whoa, a talking reindeer? You gotta be high to think of that!'" Blintz shakes her head in disbelief. "You ever see some of those bootleg T-shirts with me drunk on chemicals?" She cackles. "Mal loved those fan-created things. They also think I'm a sex maniac, which is really funny when I don't even have a lower half!"
Her mood seems to sober abruptly. "That's why none of this makes sense. I heard what happened to Malcolm— there's no way he could die of a drug overdose, or even with drugs in his system. He was //meticulous// about what he put in his body; he knew, at the end of the day, he was a performer, and that meant more to him than getting high, or even food. You know he was vegan, right? Not for ethical reasons, it was because he wanted to stay thin enough to squeeze into narrow places to perform!"
Blintz gives a long sigh. "What a strange, brilliant, dedicated man. I miss him a lot."
Finally she turns and looks at the van. "I don't know where the Handfuls go from here, but if you're taking us there, I want to help. I can't whip up any brilliant inventions for you, but if you have a technical problem, ''I can fix it!'' I can't pick locks either… but if you need a door forced open, I've got these ''antlers!'' Try them out!" <<set $blintzmural to true>>
<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $moist is true>><<if $moistmural is not true>>Moist stops and looks up at the mural. His perpetual wide smile closes slowly, and he takes on a serious expression for once.
"So the bossman ain't coming around any more, huh," he finally says. "I mean, I had my issues with the guy. We never agreed on the important things, you know? Like //money.//" He shakes his head, actually looking a little regretful— a first for this puppet.
"The man had money. Obviously, right? He owned this whole lot, of course. But he didn't always, you know that? As a kid in high school, he worked at a car wash. Seems like easy money to me, but he had to quit because they didn't give him enough time to work on that show he was doing with Ernest." Moist turns to you with a smug look. "They told him he'd never made a dime wiggling dolls around on TV. He shut them up, eh??"
Moist gives a raucous cackle. "He wasn't an anything-for-a-buck kind of kid. Kinda the opposite— he knew, better than a lot of folks, that time isn't just money. Time is more valuable than money, and that ain't something you'll hear me say too often." He looks up at the mural solemnly. "And now he's run out of time. I'll miss him."
"Anyway," Moist says after a moment of silence. "You're looking for the rest of the gang? You let me know if you need help. I can't buy anything, kinda forgot my wallet… but if you need help with time, that's my department! I got a perfect sense of time— and you might need it, where you're going."<<set $moistmural to true>>
<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $ork is true>><<if $orkmural is not true>>The Ork doesn't speak much; it just croaks and caws idly as you walk. Performing this creature draws on a different skill set than most of the other Handfuls. It really feels like trying to control a wild animal, straining against its leash.
All the same, as you pass the Handfuls mural on the way back to the van, the Ork stops, its dangling front claws flexing in interest, and it trots over to have a look. It cocks its head to focus one eye on the mural, and silently contemplates for a minute.
"You see someone you know here, buddy?" Blintz says sympathetically.
The Ork twitches, turning its head back to look at her, and says, "First of all, I'm proud to be Black."
"Huh???"
"I've been very fortunate to have been lifted up and promoted by so many Black entertainers who admire what I do," the Ork says. "I owe Devan Feiffer a lot, for example, because he gave me my first shot at prime time. But when social media, and later mass media, started calling my characters ‘the black Muppets', it rubbed me the wrong way, which surprised me."
Blintz does a slow burn, turning from the mural to the Ork. "You… you sound just like Malcolm. I didn't know you could do that."
"When we started working on Trot and Cap'n Bill, a number of people, including my agent, asked why we were doing a special effects movie, something that was so distant from what we'd done before— and when so many talented FX companies already existed who could do it too," continues the Ork. "One major reason is because our original producer was working with a low budget but was committed to using all practical effects wherever possible, and we were the lowest bidder." The Ork's beak trills out an imitation of Mal's laughter.
"How are you doing that??" says Blintz.
"Which was good, because what we can do with a low budget now is comparable to a high-budget puppet fantasy from the 80s! That was what this producer wanted. So we built this creature, the Ork, as a model for what we were going for, and brought it to our producer… only to find that he'd lost studio backing and couldn't afford to make the movie anymore. And I was all, ‘Nah! Put me down as executive producer."
"Wait, is this true? Is this something he really said?" Blintz looks up at the Ork on the mural, then back to the real one she's riding on. "I didn't realize your parrot beak was so literal!"
"It was not my most lucrative investment," the Ork concludes in Mal's voice. "But I was all, ‘See what those Black Muppets did? That's something for everyone.' And Hollywood saw it. The Cheney corporation especially took notice."
"Cheney…" Blintz turns her head and looks at the looming amusement park over the northern wall. "That must have been when the buyout talks started. The boss intimidated them…hey, no wonder those security guys are ''scared of the Ork!'' I'll bet they'll run away if you take him with you!"
The Ork looks proud of its speech, and caws contentedly to itself.<<set $orkmural to true>>
<</if>><</if>>
\<<if $koi is true>><<if $koimural is not true>>"Listen up," says Princess Koy. "They say I'm cool. They say I'm laid-back. It's not all an act, either." She looks up at the mural, and begins to quiver. "But I'm not heartless. I believe in things, you know. Justice. Dignity."
"You know my story, right? If a carp swims up a certain waterfall and crosses the Dragon Gate, the carp will transform into a dragon." Her eyes flicker toward you briefly. "Malcolm Newsome identified a lot with that story. He felt like that when he became the president of the company— like a mortal who had become a god."
"Of course, we always saw him as our creator."
"When he built my puppet, he went out of his way to future-proof me. Easily replaceable parts, readily available fabrics… maybe this is something a human wouldn't understand, but anyway. That's why I have all these fancy tricks the others don't; the working eyelids, the pupils that expand and contract… and this."
She leans her head close enough for you to touch with your nose. At first you're baffled, but then you see it; a gleam of shining glass, right in the middle of her forehead.
"It's a camera," she nods. "He took a cheap smartphone apart and built it into my head. The idea was that he'd be able to use face tracking for future puppets— you see through our eyes, and we make the faces you make. I'm the first, and only, ‘Cyborg' Handful."
She closes her eyes, seeming to steady herself. "And I… had the questionable honor of being the last puppet who saw Mal Newsome alive. I was in the back seat of the car when it happened."
This isn't something you can verify. You wonder why she's telling you this.
"Malcolm… was not a victim of a drug deal gone wrong. He wasn't killed by anyone from Cheney. It was worse than that." The Princess bows her head. "Malcolm was pulled over in his car by three police officers, who pulled him out of his seat and beat him to death."
Why is the puppet on your hand saying this to you??
"There was no intrigue, no greater motivation for the killing. Mal died because an officer of the law decided, at random whim, that a black man wasn't showing the proper deference for police. None of the three knew who he was," the Princess continues relentlessly. "And I saw it all. The intimidation, the violence. The panic when someone realized who he was, and the damage control when they planted drugs in his car. The same drugs they smeared on his broken body before they dropped him in the canal."
Suddenly your mouth comes to life, as if you yourself were a puppet.
"SHUT UP!" you hear yourself shriek, the words coming to your lips unbidden. "Mal is dead! You're a puppet! None of this should be happening! You can't lie to me— not with my own voice!"
"Then maybe it's not a lie," says the Princess, cool as always. "Maybe it's a miracle, in the name of justice, and dignity, for someone we all cared a lot about. Especially you."
"But if that's true, it changes everything!" you babble helplessly. "How could I ever prove it, though??"
"Like I said… I saw the whole thing." She turns her head to shine the camera again. "I don't have any onboard storage, though. Maybe you know someone who would know Malcolm's cloud storage password…?"
You've lost your voice again.
"We should go," says the princess. "Wherever it is we're headed in that van, we're not getting there this way." She smiles, her fishy barbels fluttering cutely. "If you found me, I don't know how many more puppets could be left in there… but I can hunt them down for you." She blinks, and suddenly her eyes flash as bright as lanterns. <<set $koimural to true>>
<</if>><</if>>
<<set $fleeing to false>>
Back to [[The Van]].Start with all goals achieved to see the best ending?
\<<set $ticktock to 1>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $foundpuppets to 14>>
\<<set $ernest to true>>
\<<set $foundernest to true>>
\<<set $losternest to false>>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $foundsherri to true>>
\<<set $lostsherri to false>>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $foundbalzac to true>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to false>>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $foundblintz to true>>
\<<set $lostblintz to false>>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $foundmoist to true>>
\<<set $lostmoist to false>>
\<<set $ork to false>>
\<<set $foundork to true>>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $foundkoi to true>>
\<<set $lostkoi to false>>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $foundthud to true>>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $foundapple to true>>
\<<set $foundproust to true>>
\<<set $founddesmond to true>>
\<<set $foundmince to true>>
\<<set $foundcapnbill to true>>
\<<set $founddennis to true>>
\<<set $lostthud to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to false>>
\<<set $diaper to 0>>
\<<set $hyper to 1>>
\<<set $viper to 1>>
\<<set $sniper to 1>>
\<<set $dave to 1>>
\<<set $hyperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $viperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $sniperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $davekillmode to false>>
\<<set $card1 to true>>
\<<set $card2 to true>>
\<<set $card3 to true>>
\<<set $totalpuppets to 14>>
\<<set $fleeing to false>>
\<<set $puppet1 to "Ernest">>
\<<set $MonsterTarget to "Ernest">>
[[Cheater Beginning|Quadrangle]]?
[[Return to title|Title Page]]\<<if $foundkoi is true>><<set $rummagenumber to random(5)>>
\<<if $rummagenumber is 0>>
You find a stupid weird thing, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 1>>
You find a fidget toy, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 2>>
You find some wingnuts, but you don't find any puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 3>>You find a wallet! Nice! But it's empty! Still no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 4>>You find a failed 3D printing, but no puppets.
\<<elseif $rummagenumber is 5>>You find a Handfuls comic book! You've got this one already.<</if>>
[[Clearly this room is empty.|RoomD9]]
<<else>>You can't really search the shed since it's locked, but there's lots of photos and fan art on the outside to look at. Here's a picture of <<= either("you", "Ernest", "Balzac", "Moist", "Lawrence", "Vince", "some random business guy")>> <<= either("eating lunch with", "biting", "improvising with", "playing air hockey with", "in the kitchen with", "in a dance-off against", "rasslin' with", "taking a bow with")>> <<= either("Mal", "Kitty", "Xanthe", "Sherri", "Blintz", "Princess Koy", "a puppet that looks like Mal")>>!
[[Continue.|RoomD9]] <</if>><<if $sniperkillmode is not true>><<if $ork is not true>>
Something silent and skillful has been hovering over you, just waiting to pounce; and now the pounce has come.
\<<if $heldpuppets gt 0>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Ernest">>
\<<set $ernest to false>>
\<<set $losternest to true>>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Ernest">><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Sherri">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Sherri">>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Balzac">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Balzac">>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Blintz">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Blintz">>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Moist">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Moist">>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Koy">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Koy">>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Thud">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Thud">>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Apple">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Apple">>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Proust">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Proust">>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Devan">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Devan">>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Cap'n Bill">>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Mince">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Mince">>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to true>><</if>>
\<<if $MonsterTarget is "Dennis">>
\<<set $snipercaptive to "Dennis">>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to true>><</if>>
You glance at your silent puppet, but all you see is your own bare hand. $MonsterTarget is nowhere to be seen— until you look up, and see the puppet being dragged into the ventilation ducts that snake all over the ceiling. A smoke-gray arm reaches out of the vent to pull it the rest of the way… and then, adding insult to loss and alarm, emerges again to point a cocky finger-gun right at you. Kachow!
<<set $sniperpupa to true>>
<<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets-1>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
You have lost $MonsterTarget.
There's nothing to do but regroup [[back at the van.|The Van]]<<unset $MonsterTarget>>
<<else>>
Slate gray hands wrap around your mouth, silencing your scream before you can even inhale, and you feel your legs leave the ground. The warehouse floor shrinks below you; you're being pulled upward, toward the waiting vent of the ventilation shaft.
Instinctively, you spread your arms and legs to keep yourself from being pulled in by the weblike hands, even though there's nothing to protect you from the fall if you get away. Fortunately, or perhaps not, you don't fall; a gray head, featureless except for the black target symbol it seems to have instead of a face, peers out of the darkness, and slams into your skull.
----
Thankfully, you wake up with a headache and nothing worse.
[[You're back on the quadrangle.|Quadrangle]] Apparently you were evicted.<</if>>
<<else>>
You feel a sudden whiff of air overhead.
Looking up, you see the Ork's feathery topknot rustling in the breeze. Where could that wind have come from?
[[Must have been your imagination.|passage()]] <</if>>
<<else>><<include "Transformed Sniper Encounter">><</if>><<if $fleeing is not true>>Leaving the building to the west, you find yourself outside of the studio entirely. You have to walk back around to the gate and get your partner's attention so she'll [[open the gate again for you.|The Van]]
It's a pain, but it's better than being caught! Luckily, the streets are pretty dead right now.<<else>><<include "Flight">><</if>>On Balzac's advice, you HIDE IN A BOOGER.
<<if $MONSTER is NUMBER>>You can hear something bumping around out there, so it might be a good idea to [[wait in here a while.|BASIC ASS HIDING PLACE]]<<else>>You can [[come out|Room NUMBER]] if you think the danger has passed.<</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>On Balzac's advice, you fold yourself up and cram into a disused dishwasher. At least it's dry, and the monster might not be able to smell you through the detergents.
<<if $viper is 3>>You can hear something bumping around out there, so it might be a good idea to [[wait in here a while.|Industrial Dishwasher]]<<else>>You can [[come out|RoomB3]] if you think the danger has passed.<</if>><<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>On Balzac's advice, you hide in the booth provided for nursing mothers-- the "lactation station" as it's playfully called. It has a door you can lock, and no windows, so you're good for privacy. Kind of luxurious, as hiding places go! <<set $milkbar to true>>
<<if $viper is 4>>You can hear something bumping around out there, so it might be a good idea to [[wait in here a while.|Lactation Station]]<</if>>You can [[come out|RoomB4]] if you think the danger has passed.
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>This shed is the workshop's reference library.
There's a picnic table and benches inside where you can sit while you peruse the references and archives. But what interests you... is what's lying on the table.
You have found ''Princess Koy'', the coolest Handful around.
Larger than any Handful you've met (save the Ork), Princess Koy is another of Mal Newsome's very specific mythical monsters: a //longmen//, or carp dragon. She's dressed in a painstakingly accurate royal Japanese robe from the feudal era, but that doesn't hide her inhumanly beautiful face; cream white with vermilion red mottlings, wide golden eyes, finlike frills at her cheeks, and a short pair of barbels adorning her lips, looking a little like a mustache. Her vast mane of black hair is held back by two backswept horns like a gazelle's, which frame the small traditional crown on her head. Her three robes are in scale patterns; red, black, and blue, like carp kites.
Although her arms are designed to be performed with the live hands of a puppeteer in the robes, she's currently clutching an ornate folding fan to her chest; this is how Mal usually performed her, for ease of use.
Even knowing as much as you do about Mal Newsome, it's still fascinating to chart his progress as a puppet builder. The elegant simplicity of Ernest Weasel is still present here, but Princess Koy is a truly elaborate and beautifully designed puppet.
Once she's on your arm, Princess Koy's eyelids flutter-- the only puppet you know who can do that-- and she gives you an approving smile, her barbels widening. "I knew it was gonna be you, kiddo," she chuckles. "C'mon, let's get out of here."
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Koy">><<set $puppet1 to "Koy">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Koy">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $koi to true>><<set $foundkoi to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have Princess Koy. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<center>//Get to the van!//</center>
<<set $fleeing to true>>
[[Back to the warehouse.|RoomD9]] For the first time, the nearly featureless black box on your hand is speaking. "Ernest, I know you know me. We were a trio in the 90s, remember?"
The furry cone seems to retract slightly, nonplussed.
"The Least Weasel, Mr. Green, and Dull Thud. Animal, vegetable, and mineral. It was so easy back then, wasn't it? I'd be giving a boring lecture, you'd start laughing with Green about something, then I come down from above and squash one of you?"
The sleeve of fur bristles, and a low growl can be heard from deep inside.
"Maybe I never thought you wanted an apology, because you went on to become everything you are, and I'm just a footnote in your history," says Thud. "But it's time I said it anyway… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel like you were the least. You were the most all along, Ernest."
The monster bristles, and seems to coil up like a dying worm... and //strikes,// grabbing Thud off your arm.
There's a brief silence, as the monster shivers violently...
and, suddenly, the air is filled with fur and bristles, enough to set off anyone's fur allergy. There's a horrible sound like metal tearing... and when the fur clears, you're alone in the room... with a puppet lying face down in front of you.
You tug the puppet onto your hand. It's Ernest!
"Thud..." he coughs. "He saved me..."
[[Maybe we'd better take a break after that.|The Van]]
<<set $lostthud to true>><<set $losternest to false>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<unset MonsterTarget>>
<<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
''You have lost Dull Thud, but you've recovered Ernest Weasel. You still have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if $davecaptive is "Ernest">><<set $daveactive to false>><<set $davekillmode to false>><<unset $davecaptive>><</if>>
<<if $vipercaptive is "Ernest">><<set $viperactive to false>><<set $viperkillmode to false>><<unset $vipercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $hypercaptive is "Ernest">><<set $hyperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $hypercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $snipercaptive is "Ernest">><<set $sniperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $snipercaptive>><</if>>For the first time, the green worm on your arm is speaking, its beaky snout flapping. "Like, omigod Cherry, what happened to you? Why are you being so weird today?"
The legion of marching segments slows, their footsteps quieting.
"It's me! Your sister, Sour Apple! Remember? Remember our first commercial together?"
The red segments all seem to cringe, looking sheepish.
"You and me and Lemondrop and Blackberry and What-A-Melon were all mobbing Ernest Weasel, trying to find out what his mouth tasted like? And then there was the big announcer voice who was all like, 'Chew-Can-Play brand //gummy worms!// They want to know what you taste like, too!"
The segments are trying to march backward, but they're stepping on each other's feet and can't get any momentum.
"Remember, Cherry Cola? You were the brand new flavor they were introducing! You're a gummy worm, and it's okay to still be a gummy worm! Ernest still likes you, and so do I!"
A horrible sound of shearing metal can be heard.
Suddenly the room is filled with a cloud of reddish powder-- gelatin powder. Sour Apple has vanished from your hand, but another puppet is lying face down on the ground.
You bend down to pick it up. It's Sherri! She's all right!
"I..." She coughs and looks ashamed of herself. "I didn't want anyone to know I was really a worm. But I can't hide from my sister..."
[[Maybe we'd better take a break after that.|The Van]]
<<set $lostapple to true>><<set $lostsherri to false>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<unset MonsterTarget>><<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
''You have lost Sour Apple, but you've recovered Sherri Cola. You still have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if $davecaptive is "Sherri">><<set $daveactive to false>><<set $davekillmode to false>><<unset $davecaptive>><</if>>
<<if $vipercaptive is "Sherri">><<set $viperactive to false>><<set $viperkillmode to false>><<unset $vipercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $hypercaptive is "Sherri">><<set $hyperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $hypercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $snipercaptive is "Sherri">><<set $sniperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $snipercaptive>><</if>>Who's speaking? //What's// speaking? You wouldn't have believed it if you hadn't seen it; it's the ''soccer ball'' under your arm. You can't believe you never noticed those big eyes and the lipstick smile before.
"Balzac, you're being too loud and too rough," says the voice of the soccer ball. "You know I raised you better than that."
The Earthball suddenly pulls its laces shut and lets out a high keen.
"Balzac? You know I'm not mad at you. This could happen to anyone, you know. But I know you can shake this off. You're not just any armadillo. You're my son, and I love you!"
The Earthball is expanding now, and expanding... //rapidly.// It's starting to touch the ceiling, and the laces seem like they're about to give way. There's a horrible sound like metal tearing...
Suddenly you're off your feet, spinning around and around in a haze of colorful balls like you're trapped in a lottery machine. A blast of air that smells like the biggest beach ball in history has scattered all the balls in the room, to who knows where... but when you return to your senses, there's a puppet lying face down on the floor next to you.
You tug the puppet onto your hand. It's Balzac!
"I love you, Mommy..." he coughs. "I'm so sorry..."
[[Maybe we'd better take a break after that.|The Van]]
<<set $lostproust to true>><<set $lostbalzac to false>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<unset MonsterTarget>><<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
''You have lost Proust, but you've recovered Balzac. You still have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if $davecaptive is "Balzac">><<set $daveactive to false>><<set $davekillmode to false>><<unset $davecaptive>><</if>>
<<if $vipercaptive is "Balzac">><<set $viperactive to false>><<set $viperkillmode to false>><<unset $vipercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $hypercaptive is "Balzac">><<set $hyperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $hypercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $snipercaptive is "Balzac">><<set $sniperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $snipercaptive>><</if>>
"This time it's not Santa that's wrong. It's you that's wrong!"
For the first time, the elf puppet on your hand is speaking. The reindeer installation pauses.
"Blintz, it's me! Devan Feiffer! Or do you know me better as Devan Pfeffernusse?"
"...Syntax error."
"Blintz, we went through a lot together. We built a sleigh that works for seven nights instead of one. We made the first special for Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa all at once, and we saw the Handfuls become TV stars together! That's the experiment you were working on... don't you want it to be a success?"
There's a brief silence, as the installation shivers violently...
You never considered what it would look like to experience a Blue Screen of Death in real life, but you're seeing it now. The world in front of you seems to fracture into infinite cubes, each showing a different possibility... and then there's a sudden fade to black, and apart from a lingering smell of ozone, it's all over. The scientific installation is gone, but so is Devan Pfeffernusse. There is, however, a puppet with antlers laying face down on the floor.
You tug the puppet onto your hand. It's Blintz!
"I'm not a monster..." she chuckles weakly. "I MAKE monsters, but I'm not one..."
[[Maybe we'd better take a break after that.|The Van]]
<<set $lostdesmond to true>><<set $lostblintz to false>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<unset MonsterTarget>><<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
''You have lost Devan, but you've recovered Blintz. You still have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if $davecaptive is "Blintz">><<set $daveactive to false>><<set $davekillmode to false>><<unset $davecaptive>><</if>>
<<if $vipercaptive is "Blintz">><<set $viperactive to false>><<set $viperkillmode to false>><<unset $vipercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $hypercaptive is "Blintz">><<set $hyperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $hypercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $snipercaptive is "Blintz">><<set $sniperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $snipercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $ernest is true>><<if $sherri is true>>Sherri leans close to Ernest. "How are you holding up?"
"I think my mouth needs some stitching," Ernest says unhappily. "I hate getting my mouth stitched, it always makes expressing myself harder…"
"No, not just physically. I mean you, Ernest the Least Weasel. Are you doing OK?"
"I…" Ernest shakes his head. "Are any of us OK? I don't think I'm the only one hurting."
"I miss him too, Ern," Sherri says. "But I know you, and Mal… there was something there the rest of us didn't share. He was like your other half."
Ernest is silent for a second. "That's what it feels like," he says. "Like there's only half of me here. I guess that means I'm not doing OK after all."
"I'm kind of relieved," Sherri says.
"Why??"
"It means it's normal to feel this way, if you do too," Sherri explains. "I mean, we've got a talented puppeteer right there— yeah, you, I mean it!" she adds, looking right at you. "But so much of what we say, how we say it, even when we say it…"
"It all came from Mal," Ernest nods. "So we've changed in ways that we can't even recognize."
"I'm not holding up so well either, Ernest," Sherri sighs.
"We're together again, though," Ernest says. "We're still arguing. Your hair is still delicious."
"Yeah, we… are you chewing my hair again!?? What is wrong with you?"<</if>><<if $balzac is true>>"Hey, Ernest," says Balzac. "You know, you're something special."
Ernest does a double take, and retorts, "Yeah? Well, you look like you're the best!"
//"Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand!"// The two of them bump chests triumphantly, which hurts your wrists a little. Seeing your baffled expression, the two of them laugh.
"We were filming the first season of the Handfuls. Mal and Wesley were here getting a late night meal..." says Balzac.
"And then, out of nowhere, these two kind of middle-aged women come stumbling into the cafeteria," Ernest continues. "We don't know how they got in here without an employee pass, but both of them are //rolling// drunk."
"And there's no one attending the cafeteria, it's self-serve only," Balzac adds. "So Mal sneaks behind the counter... and next thing we know, we're taking these two drunk gals' orders, while Wesley types it into the self-serve screen behind them."
"I don't think they knew who the Handfuls were yet. They didn't even flinch at a weasel and an armadillo taking their orders!" Ernest laughs.
"Oh! But then! That Duran Duran song comes over the satellite radio, and the two of them start //jamming!//"
"So they're taking turns dancing with us to Rio, while Wesley was shooting it all on his iPhone..."
"Yeah..." Balzac has to pull his head in to hold back his laughter. "And you know who they were? This big shot producer and her sister!"
"They came back the next day and apologized for their conduct. As if there were any apology needed!" Ernest cackles. "That's what people get into show business to see in the first place!"<</if>><<if $blintz is true>>"Ernest! I have a question," says Blintz.
"Sure! What's on your mind?" Ernest makes a face like an eager puppy.
"Do you have any really weird fetishes?"
The weasel seems to deflate. "E-excuse me?"
"You know, like getting covered in mud, or having a car that won't start? Or chewing gum that turns you into a blueberry, that's a big one."
"Wh-why are you asking me this, Blintz??" Ernest is starting to hyperventilate, looking like he's thinking of gnawing your arm off to escape.
"Cause I like all those things too! I could turn you into a blueberry if you wanted."
Ernest looks ready to faint with relief. "That's TOTALLY OK, Blintz. Don't even worry about it."
"No? How about Sherri, then?"
"No! ...Well, come to think of it..."<</if>><<if $moist is true>>"Ernest! My main mustelid!" Moist says, whacking Ernest on the back like he was swinging a morning star. "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss! What's the plan, Ern-o?"
Ernest staggers a minute, trying to get his bearings. "Urf... jeez... What do you mean 'new boss'? Princess Koy is still our boss."
"Not on the show, in reality!" Moist says with a knowing smile on his grotesquely distorted face. "Look, we all know that you and Mal were joined at the hip! Or the ulna, more accurately. That means that you call the shots now, right?"
"Moist, that's not how it works..." Ernest starts to protest, but his eyes are starting to get starry. "Is it? Am I the owner of the Handfuls now...?"
"That's right! And you know what that means-- Easy Street!" Moist cackles. "Wake up at noon, roll out of bed into your giant bedroom filled with ballpit balls! Bite the heads off of chickens at every meal! It's every weasel's dream!"
"That sounds amazing," says Ernest, who had drifted away momentarily thinking about it. "I could have the Handfuls perform any show I wanted... although it has to be something that would please everybody and not be just for me..."
"Ugh... another creative type." Moist shakes his head in disappointment. "You know, Ern, thanks for correcting me... for a second there, I thought you might be //human."//<</if>><<if $koi is true>>"Are we OK, Princess?" Ernest says nervously.
"Of course we're OK. Why wouldn't we be?" The dragon princess gives him a smile that could make a lesser weasel run for the hills... but as Ernest has to sadly admit, there is no lesser weasel.
"I just thought you didn't like me, is all," Ernest confesses. "Cause I'm always bouncing around and making trouble and everything."
"No, Ernest. C'mon. Over here." She puts her hand on his head and closes her eyes.
"Wha... what are we doing?"
"We are //vibing.// You and me, Ern baby."
Ernest is dumbfounded. "This is what vibing is? I guess I thought it was more interactive."<</if>><</if>><<if $sherri is true>><<if $balzac is true>>Initially, Sherri and Balzac are quiet. Both of them are staring at Ernest on his puppet stand.
“You know, when I found out about the boss, it was Ernest I felt the worst for," Balzac says. "They were so close.”
"This is going to sound bad, but... were you ever jealous of him?" Sherri says.
Balzac twists on your wrist to look at Sherri. "...Jealous of which one?" he asks, after a second. "Jealous of Ernest because the boss was so invested in him?"
"Uh." Sherri seems to be rethinking her statement.
"...Or jealous of Mal, because he had a special relationship with Ernest?"
"You know what, never mind," Sherri frowns, her mouth rumpling in frustration..<</if>><<if $blintz is true>>"Getting the band back together!" Blintz cheers. "We are family!"
"What? We're a family, Blintz?" says Sherri, surprised.
"Sure! You know them all! Dasher, Dancer, Uncle Prancer, the late Vixen..."
"No, I meant, like, other Handfuls. Like the two of us."
"I might have? At some point? But you know how it is. They always end up stripping us for parts unless we're stars like you and me!"
"Who do you feel closest to out of all of us?"
Blintz looks surprised. "Why, Ernest, of course. Don't you?"
Sherri doesn't seem to know if she should be angry. "I mean, I do, but... why Ernest? Why not Balzac, or Moist? Well, I know why not Moist."
"Ernest cares about everyone, you know that. I like sharing a best friend with everyone, I don't need to have him all to myself!"
Sherri crumples her mouth guiltily. "Yeah... you're probably right."
"Besides, if I wanted Ernest all to myself, I'd just make another one!"<</if>><<if $moist is true>>"Look what we got here! Now this is a party!" says Belch Moistly with a big grin.
"I think we may still have more Handfuls to find, Moist," says Sherri, nodding. "But this has been a very good night's work."
"Handfuls? Shoot, I was talking about all these half-finished boba drink cups! Open wide!"
"Moist... omigod, don't throw those!" Sherri has to duck to avoid getting hit. "Why are you like this! Why can't you be more like... Ernest!"
Moist pauses in mid-throw and cackles. "Me? Be like Ernest? The one you're always yelling at and dressing down, making him feel lower than the belly of a pregnant slug?"
"First of all, I do not! Second of all, slugs lay eggs. But third! Ernest knows I believe in him and have high expectations for him! It rolls right off his back."
"Oh yeah? That means you think the rest of us are screwups and layabouts, then? How come we all still got a job? You're the boss, you could hire a whole team of Ernests!"
"You're not screwups! I'm not always happy with your demeanor, but I appreciate all you bring to the team, Moist."
The frog puppet makes a smug face. "Look at that, I pushed back just a little, and you said something to me you'd never say to Ernest. I think not being like him is the right decision."
Sherri is quiet for a moment.
"See, I'm not as dumb as I look," Moist chuckles. "I'll bet you never even dated a pregnant slug! You see, they get all..."
"All RIGHT, Moist!"<</if>><<if $koi is true>>"All right! Let's do it! Let's win this! I'm ready!" barks Sherri.
"Hey, calm down, we're still trying to be discreet," chuckles Princess Koy.
"But we have to find everyone! Ernest will be so disappointed if we don't!"
"Did he tell you that?"
"Well, no.... but I bet he will!"
"Oh, girl," Princess Koy says. "You know Ernest is crazy about you, right? You don't have to be like this."
"What are you talking about? This is for his sake!"
"Sure, but maybe you ought to tell him, instead of me."
At that, Sherri freezes up, her mouth crumpling. "Ernest and I have a very formal strictly professional relationship," she says, as if from behind clenched teeth. "I don't want to give him the wrong idea."
"I think you don't want him learning the truth," the Princess says.
"That's easy for you to say," Sherri grumbles. "He never tries to eat //your// hair..."<</if>><</if>><<if $balzac is true>><<if $blintz is true>>"Blintz, do you still pull the sleigh for Santa?" Balzac asks innocently.
Blintz fixes him with a cold stare. "That is an unfair assumption to make based on my ethnic background, Balzac," she says. "The fact that reindeer are best known as part of the Christmas legend in this country should not be my responsibility to inform people."
Balzac looks lost. "But it wasn't an assumption! I know you used to!"
"Yes. and I still do," says Blintz.
"What?? Then why didn't you just say 'yes'?"
"Because if everyone thinks I'm a direct line to Santa, they pester me with gift requests all year long. But you just wanted to know, right?" Her expression softens. "I'm sorry, Balzac, I should know you're not trying to harass me or anything. I got a little overly defensive there."
"Uh... yeah, it's OK, forget it. All is forgiven," Balzac says sheepishly. "Maybe I'll see if the Easter Bunny can bring me a little brother."<</if>><<if $moist is true>>"Hey Balzac, I heard you're scared of... MONSTERS!" Moist suddenly pops out, googling his eyes wildly.
"AIGH!" Instantly Balzac pulls into his shell, leaving him as just a ball on skinny legs.
"AHAHA! Oh, that never gets old!" Moist chortles in fiendish glee.
"Moist! Would you please not do that?" Balzac whines, his eyes peeking out through his shell.
"Sure, sure... after all, you probably shouldn't spend too much time in there, huh." Moist says. "After all, it's dark in there... and creepy... and you never know what could be creeping in through the cracks to bite you...!"
"AIIIGH!" Balzac pops out of his shell and starts patting himself down madly to find any bugs or roaches that may have crept into his armor. "...Moist!! Stop doing that! It makes it so hard to work with you."
Moist says nothing, merely standing ramrod straight, eyes in a thousand-yard stare.
"Don't give me the silent treatment! Come on, Moist!"
"That's not my name," Moist says in a distant voice.
"I thought you preferred that to being called Belch," Balzac replies, trying to see what Moist was looking at.
"That's not my name either," Moist says in a deeper and more threatening tone of voice. "You may think I'm Moist... but I'm really... //The Monster That LOOKS LIKE Moist!"// He gapes his mouth and flails his arms. "BLAAURORGH!"
"AAAAIGH!" Balzac pulls into his shell again.
"I love this guy!" Moist cackles, slapping Balzac's shell gleefully. "This can go on for days!"<</if>><<if $koi is true>>"Boss, we need to talk about vacation days," Balzac says, tugging on Princess Koy's fine robes.
She gives a low chuckle. "How many do you need, Balzac?"
"Uh, uh, oh geez, I hadn't counted." Balzac slaps all over himself as if trying to find the pocket he put his notes in. "I didn't expect you to just offer like that! Aren't you supposed to bark at me and say I'm lucky to have a job at all??"
"I'd rather work with my employees," she smiles. "Experience has taught me that random generosity builds a lot more loyalty than random punishment."
Balzac's ears and tail seem to wilt. "It... it does?" He hangs his head. "I sure have a lot to learn about coaching sports."<</if>><</if>><<if $blintz is true>><<if $moist is true>>“Say, Moist, do you have any free time later? I have a new invention I’d like to try out…” Blintz begins eagerly.
“//Sheesh//, a guy licks a petri dish ONE TIME and suddenly he’s your lab rat!!”
“Is that a no?”
“(Nasty coughing sound), I never said that! But honestly, Blintz, you’ve gotta think grander, you’re building all those awful whatchamajigs that burn hair, shrink faces, and grow twenty-foot fleas, //but you’re not even selling them!!// Think of all the //DOUGH// you could be making! You need to get //SOMEone// to help you promote ‘em!”
“Thank you Moist, but I could never charge for them!! The joy of discovery is in sharing it, and my inventions are for all the world! Everyone should know the excitement of having a twenty-foot flea chew on their shrunken face!”
"...OK, well, can I at least get some more of those petri dishes?"<</if>><<if $koi is true>>"Your Majesty--" begins Blintz, bowing her antlers.
"Please, Koy is fine," chuckles the princess.
"A-all right, Koy," she corrects herself nervously. "It's about those things roaming through the halls..."
"You mean the Morphemes?"
"Is //that// what they're called? I know nothing about them, your maje-- Koy. I was going to ask... humbly... that I be allowed to study them."
"And how would you study them if given the opportunity?"
"I would like... to dissect one, please!" she says eagerly.
"You realize I don't have any control over them," Princess Koy says, raising one eyebrow. "You'd have to bring one down yourself."
"I've got the blueprints for a weapon right here!"
"Well, you have my permission... no skin off my wrist," Koy says, rolling her eyes. "Whether you can accomplish it is a matter of your own competency... which you have all confidence in, am I right?"
Blintz nods eagerly.... and after a second, shakes her head no sadly.<</if>><</if>><<if $moist is true>><<if $koi is true>>"You know, I'm a monster too," Belch says, conversationally.
"I noticed," Princess Koy says evenly.
"I may look like a frog, but I'm actually a cryptid. The Loveland Frog, they call me. Don't know if you've heard of me."
"I may have."
"So, you and I got a lot in common, right? We're both exotherms..."
"And?"
"... Well, that's it. But that's good enough, right?"
"Good enough for what, Mr. Moistly?"
"You'll adopt me, right? Or at least mention me in your will?"<</if>><</if>><<if $ork is true>><<if $heldpuppets is 2>>
<<if $capnbill is true>>"Aye, we ride again!" exclaims the grasshopper puppet, pulling the pipe from his mouth and spinning it on his finger like a keyring. "Whether we be great giants or a couple o' hops o' my thumb, nothing left that can stop the two o' us together! Right, Flipper me boy?"
"SKREARK!" the Ork says gleefully.
Wow, you had no idea you could do such a good Will Nicholson impression.<<else>>The Ork throws back its head and exclaims, "<<= either("Grak!", "Kaw-kaaaw!", "Blort!", "Gark!", "SHREEAKK!!", "//''DESTROY!!!''//", "Put the kettle on Mother!")>>"<<if $ernest is true>>"That's the spirit, Ork!" Ernest says. "I think. That wasn't a protest, was it?"
"Nrk-rrk!"
"Good! Didn't want to offend you."<</if>><<if $sherri is true>>"Arrgh, that voice..." Sherri says, cringing and looking like she wants to cover her ears."
"Barooop?" says the Ork, with a hurt look.
"No... it's not your fault, it's me. I'm sorry," Sherri sighs. "Look, I don't mind birds, as long as you're not the kind that digs up worms," She pauses. "Never mind why."<</if>><<if $balzac is true>>"FOOORE!" Balzac shouts, joining in the spirit. "Hike! Play ball! Let's get ready to RUMBLLLLE!"<</if>><<if $blintz is true>>"Hey, beastie, are you ready to make some trouble?" Blintz smiles, patting its long neck.
"Kakaaw!"
"Are you ready to protect any Handfuls you meet?"
"BRAAARK!"
"And are you ready... to be dissected for science?"
"...urk?"
"Kidding! Only kidding! ...for now.<</if>><<if $moist is true>>"Oh hey, it's that critter! Sing us that song from the movie, thingy!" Moist says, getting comfortable on the seat.
The Ork pauses, not sure which song Moist means-- its movie had a rich orchestral score. In a moment, it starts instead to //whistle// the main title theme, quite beautifully in fact.
"Oh yeah, that's the one! I like the part where it sounds like..." He waits for the Ork to reach the bridge, and starts to sing along: //"Eat MYYY faaaarts! Eat them now, or freeze them and save them for laterrr!"//
The Ork stops whistling and stares at Moist, clearly appalled.<</if>><<if $koi is true>>"Now this is riding in style," Princess Koy chuckles. "Are you looking for a job, featherless biped? I could use a permanent mount."
"Borp?" The Ork looks a little unsure about that idea.<</if>><</if>><</if>><</if>>
<<if $heldpuppets is 2>>It's good to have a reunion for the Handfuls, but it's probably best to have at least one hand free while you explore. If you're going into the lot again, you should take them off!<</if>>You enter the darkened R&D department. The only light comes from the doorway you just opened, lighting your way to what looks like a reception desk... and as soon as you reach it, the door starts to close.
It's already too dark to run and stop it.
Now the only light in this whole building is starlight from two tiny skylights in the ceiling.
With nothing else to guide you, you grip the reception desk and follow its edge, walking blindly forward.
<<if $blintz is true>> "We need to find a light switch," Blintz whispers. "Be careful where you step. You don't want to, like, impale your foot on a power drill or something..."
Why did she have to put //that// thought out there??<</if>>
[[Forward...|DarkHouse2]]It is still too dark to see anything.
You continue to grope blindly, grabbing any handhold you can touch in your desperation to not fall and hurt yourself.
From somewhere above you, near the ceiling, there's a swift sound of air rushing.
You freeze. If one of those things is nearby, you don't want it to find you.
Silence...
Silence...
<<linkreplace "You take a tentative step.">>You take a tentative step.
You feel a heavy power tool strike your foot and cause a tremendous clatter as it skids across the floor. CRASH! SMASH! TINKLE!
Maybe it would be better not to stick around.
<<if $blintz is true>> "What was that, a power drill? This must be the tool library!" Blintz says. "Feel around, see if you can find a flashlight!"
As much as you want to make yourself scarce, that's too tempting to turn down. Probing like an ant with its antennae, your one free hand finds three things in a row that are too heavy to lift, so they can't be flashlights... and one roll of duct tape.
"Duct tape? Oh! Oh, take that!" Blintz exclaims. "You can't go wrong with duct tape! Now let's go!"<</if>>
[[Forward...|DarkHouse3]]<</linkreplace>>You have run out of desk to follow. Stumbling forward blindly, you hope to find a wall to feel.
<<linkreplace "Your probing hands feel....">>Your probing hands feel... a pair of claws.
<<if $blintz is not true>> The claws tighten over your wrists and you feel your feet leave the floor!
The next think you know, you're outside the building.
[[Good thing you hadn't had a puppet with you.|Quadrangle]]<<else>> You don't dare to breathe or move.
"Hey! Hey, I know where we are!" Blintz exclaims. "Go around this thing! Hold onto the claw and go around!"
The claw clutching your wrist doesn't tighten.
Taking a step, you feel your foot strike a raised platform. It may be small, but it's something to follow. Measuring it with your feet, you find it's in the shape of a square.
"Now this way!" Blintz lurches on your hand, pulling your other wrist out of the clenching claw, and begins to make pounding metal noises on something. What is she doing??
"A little duct tape here... and voila!"
Suddenly, all is bright. The lights flicker on one by one.
You see Blintz looking proud of herself.
You see the circuit breaker panel, which must have been popped by some experiment in this area; all Blintz had to do was reset it.
You see... //something// hovering over your head, which seems to do a double take and then vanish backward, as if being sucked into the air ventilation system overhead.
Blinking in the harsh fluorescent light, you finally see exactly [[what had its claw on your wrist.|Meet the Ork]]<</if>><</linkreplace>>
You have found ''The Ork.''
Although there are a number of very large Handfuls, some much bigger than any human, this one is probably the biggest you could fit into the van. It's a full-body puppet, which combines elements of puppetry and costuming. Although the puppet is more than ten years old, it seems to have been kept in good condition, needing only to be groomed for another shoot.
It looks sort of like a dinosaur, but its four-winged body shape clearly suggests a biplane. It stands on two long and strong back legs, while its scaly, birdlike front legs hang in front like a gerbil's paws. The neck and head, controlled by the puppeteer's arm, suggest a crested parrot, with an enormous and dangerous-looking bill.
The puppeteer's other arm emerges from the authentic-looking leather saddle on the Ork's back, allowing for another puppet to be performed at the same time. It looks a bit silly to have a bare arm sticking out, though. The saddle also contains a system of motors that allow its four wings, and its propellerized tail, to flap and spin in synch, for the scene where the Ork takes to the air for a magical dogfight with the evil witch Blinkie.
(Needless to say, it can't really fly.)
This is one of the many brilliant and bizarre creatures made for Mal Newsome's one feature film, //The Adventures of Trot & Cap'n Bill.// The 2012 film, based on some lesser-known books by L. Frank Baum, co-starred about a dozen of Mal's creations alongside of the titular little girl and sea captain, but The Ork was the star with the most screen time.
"Oh, LOOK! This is wonderful!" Blintz circles the creature creation about half a dozen times, marveling at its features. "This is terrific! We have to take this! Come on, put it on!"
[[Put it on??|LightHouse3]]Normally it takes two or three stagehands to help a puppeteer put on the Ork bodysuit-- and that's when the puppeteer has both hands free. It's really difficult to put it on all by yourself, with Blintz still on your arm, but you don't dare take her off for fear that monster will come back!
Finally, you have it all arranged, and you get a good look in the mirror; it's like you're not here at all, and Blintz is sitting triumphantly atop the strutting Ork, which is eyeing itself in the mirror and nodding at a job well done.
"All right, buddy. You may not be an official Handful, but you're gonna come in handy for this job!" Blintz says, petting its topknot.
"Kaaaark," croaks the Ork, sounding like it agrees.
<<if $MonsterTarget is not "Blintz">><<set $puppet1 to "Ork">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Ork">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $ork to true>><<set $foundork to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have The Ork. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''<<set $fleeing to true>>
<center>//Get to the van!//</center>
[[Back to the van.|LightHouse2]]It's a significantly easier walk back through the warehouse with the lights on, the Ork on your shoulders and Blintz in the saddle. It makes you feel almost invincible!
In-Blintz-able? Whatever.
Your field of view is a little limited with the Ork across your shoulders, though; you almost trip on whatever tool that was from the tool library, again. This time you kick it under the desk so you won't trip on it next time.
Blintz also still has the roll of duct tape that you picked up, but she's got it hanging on her antler so she won't lose it.
[[There's the exit.|LightHouse1]]The shutter door out is closed. The Ork extends its neck to bonk the button with its beak, but it doesn't move.
"This must be the same problem it was having earlier," Blintz frowns. "Down, boy. Let me have a look at this.
It's very uncomfortable to get into a kneeling position while inside the Ork, but you manage to squat and allow Blintz to have a look at the gears and chains that operate the doorway.
You can't see what she's doing, but it feels like she's chewing on something.
"Ork, a little help over here? Just bring your beak over..."
A sharp impact rings through your hand. The Ork makes a distressed noise.
"There! That ought to do it," she says. "Good creature, way to go! All right, Igor, you should be able to get through this door with no trouble now."
Getting to your feet, you see the night sky rise before you as the shutter door opens. [[You've finally escaped.|Fabrication entrance.]]You turn the little silver key in the lock, leaving it behind, and scoop Sherri off of her stand and onto your hand.<<set $tinykey to false>>
"Well, it's about time someone came and got me! I've been waiting here for weeks!" Sherri barks, then immediately looks contrite. "I'm sorry, it's been a long time... and you must have gone to a lot of trouble to do this. Quick, let's get out of here!"
<<if $heldpuppets is 0>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Sherri">><<set $puppet1 to "Sherri">><<elseif $heldpuppets is 1>><<set $puppet2 to "Sherri">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $sherri to true>><<set $foundsherri to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have Sherri Cola. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''<<set $fleeing to true>>
<center>//Get to the van!//</center>
[[Back to the cafe.|RoomB6]]
"First of all, let's see a napkin on your lap, monsieur," says Mince Churlishly, affecting his haughtiest sniff. "Remember, this is America, so you place your fork on the left and your knife on the right, //then// switch hands. And you definitely don't stick your gum under the table!"
The two bobbing eyeballs are locked onto the chattering puppet with an intensity that befits a shootout.
"We've done this enough times that you should know your role, Moist. We're demonstrating good table manners, remember? This show is never preachy and always teaches by example!" Mince hitches up the snail shell on his back as if adjusting his belt. "That means no starting your meal until everyone has been served; no crumbling your bread in your soup; and most importantly, //no eating the puppeteers!"// He gestures to you as if your presence was damning evidence in a trial. "I mean, look! Do I look like I'm not //using// him? Wait your turn! We already did an episode about grabbing food from others!"
The pool of liquid fur is starting to grow shallow. The bobbing eyes look at each other nervously as if trying to work out a decision.
"You'd better remember to leave a tip this time too, buster," Mince says with a defiant nod.
The liquid Moist is almost drained away... but at the last minute, an enormous yellow //tongue// comes flailing out of the hole in the pool, spinning and jerking like a knotted rope. It strikes both you and Mince-- but only Mince comes away with it, wailing "At least give us a good Yelp review!"
All at once, the liquid fur seems to dry into a cloud of hovering fibers, making you cough and sneeze ferociously until it all settles.
When the cloud clears, a puppet is lying face down on the floor in front of you.
"Snooty know-it-all waiter," Moist grumbles wearily as you tug him back on. "Thinks I don't want what I ordered... you //better// bring me that big hamburger next time..."
[[Maybe we'd better take a break after that.|The Van]]
<<set $lostmince to true>><<set $lostmoist to false>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<unset MonsterTarget>><<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
''You have lost Mince Churlishly, but you recovered Belch Moistly. You still have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if $davecaptive is "Moist">><<set $daveactive to false>><<set $davekillmode to false>><<unset $davecaptive>><</if>>
<<if $vipercaptive is "Moist">><<set $viperactive to false>><<set $viperkillmode to false>><<unset $vipercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $hypercaptive is "Moist">><<set $hyperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $hypercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $snipercaptive is "Moist">><<set $sniperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $snipercaptive>><</if>>You're not sure where this is coming from. Dennis is barely a character on the show, more like a prop for Princess Koy to abuse and interact with. What kind of character would Dennis even be, if you had the freedom to portray them however you wanted? Dennis doesn't even have a name on the show. They're just an underling under a boss who outshines them in every way.
On second thought? You know exactly how that feels.
"What did you say, servant?" growls the dragon, her grip on you loosening only slightly.
"I said, listen to me!" Dennis snarls back. "I always have to shut up when you're talking-- well, there's no director now! This time I'm talking!"
The dragon narrows her eyes, her interest piqued. "So talk."
"If wanting something the most isn't reason enough to pursue it... why are you a dragon, and not a carp?"
Her nostrils flare. "How dare you! I was always a dragon!" A bolt breaks in her iron superstructure, sending its head flying past yours like a bullet.
"That just means you were born close to the gate. You'd close it behind you?"
Sound of shearing metal. "Just wanting something doesn't mean you're the best one for it!"
Dennis bows their head. "Some people are willing to become the best, just for that."
"What right do you have to speak to me this way??" the dragon screams. Inside her head, fuel tubes rip free of their housing and flail wildly, making circling tongues of flame.
"You're clearly not my lady Princess Koy. With my boss gone, I make my own rules..."
You lunge your hand out into the dragon's horrible split rib cage, protected only by the Dennis puppet, and find its burning coal heart with both of Dennis's hands-- and squeeze.
When the flames finally clear and you feel like it's safe to breathe again, there's no sign of that ultra-dragon-- only a puppet in a kimono lying face down on the floor.
Princess Koy has nothing to say.
[[Maybe we'd better take a break after that.|The Van]]
<<set $lostdennis to true>><<set $lostkoi to false>><<unset $puppet1>><<unset $puppet2>><<unset MonsterTarget>><<set $heldpuppets to 0>><<set $ernest to false>><<set $sherri to false>><<set $balzac to false>><<set $blintz to false>><<set $moist to false>><<set $ork to false>><<set $koi to false>><<set $thud to false>><<set $apple to false>><<set $proust to false>><<set $desmond to false>><<set $mince to false>><<set $capnbill to false>><<set $dennis to false>>
''You lost Dennis, but you recovered Princess Koy. You still have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<if $davecaptive is "Koy">><<set $daveactive to false>><<set $davekillmode to false>><<unset $davecaptive>><</if>>
<<if $vipercaptive is "Koy">><<set $viperactive to false>><<set $viperkillmode to false>><<unset $vipercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $hypercaptive is "Koy">><<set $hyperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $hypercaptive>><</if>>
<<if $snipercaptive is "Koy">><<set $sniperactive to false>><<set $sniperkillmode to false>><<unset $snipercaptive>><</if>>\<<if $hypercaptive is "Ernest">>
You have made a grievous mistake.
Something larger than you is in this room. In fact, it nearly fills the room and continues out into the next.
What you see is a long and furry tube, like a giant sleeve, projecting into the room. It's moving, but you can't see any legs or feet; instead it seems to be inverting itself, the open front end protruding further and further like the telescoping eye of a snail. It has a pungent smell of animal musk.
As you watch, your body makes an infinitely soft sound, perhaps a rattle in your breath or a knuckle popping; it doesn't matter. The creature, if this can be called a creature, senses it. Immediately, with purpose and alacrity, it twists and focuses its orifice on you.
<<if not $thud>>You have no way to defend yourself.
The sleeve of musky fur suddenly ejects its inside, striking you like a soft plush spear, and pulls you off your feet and toward the main body, where the orifice is opening to engulf you.
In its interior darkness, you think you see glittering black eyes.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Ernest," says [[a new voice.|ThudReunion]] "I know that's you."<</if>>
<</if>><<if $hypercaptive is "Sherri">>
You have made a tragic mistake.
Something very large, and very red, and very soft, is squeezing its way into this room, segment by segment.
You have never smelled a more chokingly sweet smell than what is filling the room now, razing your nostrils and permeating your lungs. The artificiality of it raises your gorge. It's the smell of cherries that have never seen the outside of a laboratory, of carcinogenic red dyes bubbling in an evil witch's cauldron. The smell of carbon dioxide, the dizziness you get from inhaling an empty soda bottle, writ large.
The room is getting very crowded, as segment after segment of this endlessly long entity crowds its way around you, like being stuck on a bus with fifty of the fattest men you've ever seen.
<<if $apple is not true>>You have no way to defend yourself. No puppet in your sight could protect you.
The head of the thing comes closer— if it can even be called a head, since it's no different from any other, merely unconnected on one end. It's not coming toward you specifically, but simply charging blindly forward. It collides with you, knocking the wind out of you, and presses you into another segment. Then another, and another, another. another…
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center><<else>>
Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Cherry, stop it!" says [[a new voice.|AppleReunion]] "This isn't the Cherry I know!"<</if>><</if>><<if $hypercaptive is "Balzac">>
You have made a calamitous mistake.
No exit is clear from this room. Any doorway, including the one you just entered through, is showering the room with… you have to look again, but yes, it's sports balls.
Basketballs and volleyballs, baseballs and tennis balls. You can't take a step for fear of slipping, not that you can walk very easily in the first place when you're up to your hips in sports equipment.
<<if not $proust>>f you had an inner tube, a pair of water wings, anything to hang onto, you could keep your balance, but you're sinking rapidly in the balls.
The balls are starting to heap up in the center of the room. The heap rolls away in all directions, revealing the huge ‘cage ball' that was pushing them up. How did that fit into the room?
The laces holding the cage ball's canvas covering closed abruptly come undone, and two stark white eyeballs with hugely dilated pupils are peering out at you from inside.
Before you can say anything, you're struck in the chest by a sticky red strand, like a tongue, and pulled off your feet, toward those staring eyes.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center><<else>>At that moment, the single least likely thing becomes your savior.
"Balzac?" says [[a new voice.|ProustReunion]] "I need you to pick up your toys now."<</if>>
<</if>><<if $hypercaptive is "Blintz">>
You have made a disastrous mistake.
Standing dead center in this room, facing you directly, is something you definitely weren't expecting: a hollow reindeer made of strings of lights. It looks like a Christmas yard decoration.
The unlit reindeer stands mutely for a moment, and then a voice that sounds like it's coming through an intercom says, "Testing initial sequence."
At that moment, the reindeer lights up, including baleful red eyes in the face: strangely, the only unlit part is the antlers, which in the brighter light appear to actually be black hands.
"Engage procedure." The deer begins to flash like a strobe light.
You're too disoriented by the sudden strobe effect to turn and leave, which means you get a good look at the strangest thing happening: the hands are growing. In fact, they're growing more hands— each fingertip of the original two hands is now a hand of its own, and the ten new hands are growing their own hands. The deer's modest antlers have become a towering crown of clenching, grasping, squeezing hands, with more seeming to bud from the last every second.
<<if not $desmond>>In a few dizzying moments, there are too many hands to count— except to know that they are all reaching for you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>You're too disoriented by the strobe effect to defend yourself— but someone else isn't.
"BLINTZ!" shouts [[a new voice.|DivanReunion]] "Cut it out! You're better than this!"<</if>>
<</if>><<if $hypercaptive is "Moist">>
You have made a dire mistake.
The door is now blocked by a rapidly spreading puddle of something. It looks a little like mustard, except it's got gray streaks… and it's moving.
You try to step backwards, but it's flowing too quickly. A moment later you back into an obstacle and slide down, staring at the awful liquid muck as it engulfs your shoes.
What's surprising is that this creeping fluid substance is more furry than wet. It's just barely damp, in fact.
In a moment, it has completely surrounded you, and you're ankle-deep in the poisonous-looking liquid fur.
Two big white eyeballs bubble up to the surface, like meatballs in a soup, and orient on you.
<<if not $mince>>
You have no way to defend yourself.
Before your eyes, the surface of the furry liquid opens up, peeling away like a toilet seat lid cover, and a great yawning void appears before you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Ahem! Just what do you think you're doing?" says [[a surprising voice|MinceReunion]]. "Belch Moistly, you need to show some table manners before you eat!"<</if>>
<</if>><<if $hypercaptive is "Koy">>
"You have made a fatal mistake."
You can't tell who said that at first, but it's made all too clear a moment later— when a giant mechanical hand wraps around your body and lifts you up like a drink can.
Next thing you know, a huge, baleful yellow eye is glaring right in your face.
"I know who you are, you know," says the eye's owner in an imperious tone. "You're that new puppeteer. You must be so proud of yourself." The hand pulls you back as if to give you a better look, revealing the eye to belong to something you never thought you'd see; a towering, fifteen-foot dragon.
The dragon's fish-scaled skin gleams in the dim light. Its tongue flutters as it talks, and its nostrils flare with every breath; but it's not truly alive, for you can see pneumatic tubes, bundles of wire, and servomotors behind gaps in its facade.
"Look at you! Even now, with death staring you in the face, you're taking me apart in your head," the dragon sneers. "You thought that being the biggest fan of the Handfuls meant you could join them yourself. Malcolm's little protege… and where is he now?"
<<if not $dennis>>It's right. Mal isn't here— no one who could defend you is.
"I was there, you know," says the dragon in a mocking tone of voice. "I saw what happened. Malcolm Newsome didn't die of a drug overdose at all… and now no one else will ever know that."
The dragon raises its head, baring its half-finished throat. Slowly, the web of girders and supports that forms its rib cage splits apart, like a mouthful of crooked teeth, and opens wide to consume you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>You raise your hand, and a [[voice you haven't heard in weeks|DennisReunion]] speaks.
"Princess, I know it's not my place, but this isn't right."<</if>>
<</if>>\<<if $snipercaptive is "Ernest">>
You have made a grievous mistake.
Something larger than you is in this room. In fact, it nearly fills the room and continues out into the next.
What you see is a long and furry tube, like a giant sleeve, projecting into the room. It's moving, but you can't see any legs or feet; instead it seems to be inverting itself, the open front end protruding further and further like the telescoping eye of a snail. It has a pungent smell of animal musk.
As you watch, your body makes an infinitely soft sound, perhaps a rattle in your breath or a knuckle popping; it doesn't matter. The creature, if this can be called a creature, senses it. Immediately, with purpose and alacrity, it twists and focuses its orifice on you.
<<if not $thud>>You have no way to defend yourself.
The sleeve of musky fur suddenly ejects its inside, striking you like a soft plush spear, and pulls you off your feet and toward the main body, where the orifice is opening to engulf you.
In its interior darkness, you think you see glittering black eyes.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Ernest," says [[a new voice.|ThudReunion]] "I know that's you."<</if>>
<</if>><<if $snipercaptive is "Sherri">>
You have made a tragic mistake.
Something very large, and very red, and very soft, is squeezing its way into this room, segment by segment.
You have never smelled a more chokingly sweet smell than what is filling the room now, razing your nostrils and permeating your lungs. The artificiality of it raises your gorge. It's the smell of cherries that have never seen the outside of a laboratory, of carcinogenic red dyes bubbling in an evil witch's cauldron. The smell of carbon dioxide, the dizziness you get from inhaling an empty soda bottle, writ large.
The room is getting very crowded, as segment after segment of this endlessly long entity crowds its way around you, like being stuck on a bus with fifty of the fattest men you've ever seen.
<<if $apple is not true>>You have no way to defend yourself. No puppet in your sight could protect you.
The head of the thing comes closer— if it can even be called a head, since it's no different from any other, merely unconnected on one end. It's not coming toward you specifically, but simply charging blindly forward. It collides with you, knocking the wind out of you, and presses you into another segment. Then another, and another, another. another…
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center><<else>>
Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Cherry, stop it!" says [[a new voice.|AppleReunion]] "This isn't the Cherry I know!"<</if>><</if>><<if $snipercaptive is "Balzac">>
You have made a calamitous mistake.
No exit is clear from this room. Any doorway, including the one you just entered through, is showering the room with… you have to look again, but yes, it's sports balls.
Basketballs and volleyballs, baseballs and tennis balls. You can't take a step for fear of slipping, not that you can walk very easily in the first place when you're up to your hips in sports equipment.
<<if not $proust>>f you had an inner tube, a pair of water wings, anything to hang onto, you could keep your balance, but you're sinking rapidly in the balls.
The balls are starting to heap up in the center of the room. The heap rolls away in all directions, revealing the huge ‘cage ball' that was pushing them up. How did that fit into the room?
The laces holding the cage ball's canvas covering closed abruptly come undone, and two stark white eyeballs with hugely dilated pupils are peering out at you from inside.
Before you can say anything, you're struck in the chest by a sticky red strand, like a tongue, and pulled off your feet, toward those staring eyes.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center><<else>>At that moment, the single least likely thing becomes your savior.
"Balzac?" says [[a new voice.|ProustReunion]] "I need you to pick up your toys now."<</if>>
<</if>><<if $snipercaptive is "Blintz">>
You have made a disastrous mistake.
Standing dead center in this room, facing you directly, is something you definitely weren't expecting: a hollow reindeer made of strings of lights. It looks like a Christmas yard decoration.
The unlit reindeer stands mutely for a moment, and then a voice that sounds like it's coming through an intercom says, "Testing initial sequence."
At that moment, the reindeer lights up, including baleful red eyes in the face: strangely, the only unlit part is the antlers, which in the brighter light appear to actually be black hands.
"Engage procedure." The deer begins to flash like a strobe light.
You're too disoriented by the sudden strobe effect to turn and leave, which means you get a good look at the strangest thing happening: the hands are growing. In fact, they're growing more hands— each fingertip of the original two hands is now a hand of its own, and the ten new hands are growing their own hands. The deer's modest antlers have become a towering crown of clenching, grasping, squeezing hands, with more seeming to bud from the last every second.
<<if not $desmond>>In a few dizzying moments, there are too many hands to count— except to know that they are all reaching for you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>You're too disoriented by the strobe effect to defend yourself— but someone else isn't.
"BLINTZ!" shouts [[a new voice.|DivanReunion]] "Cut it out! You're better than this!"<</if>>
<</if>><<if $snipercaptive is "Moist">>
You have made a dire mistake.
The door is now blocked by a rapidly spreading puddle of something. It looks a little like mustard, except it's got gray streaks… and it's moving.
You try to step backwards, but it's flowing too quickly. A moment later you back into an obstacle and slide down, staring at the awful liquid muck as it engulfs your shoes.
What's surprising is that this creeping fluid substance is more furry than wet. It's just barely damp, in fact.
In a moment, it has completely surrounded you, and you're ankle-deep in the poisonous-looking liquid fur.
Two big white eyeballs bubble up to the surface, like meatballs in a soup, and orient on you.
<<if not $mince>>
You have no way to defend yourself.
Before your eyes, the surface of the furry liquid opens up, peeling away like a toilet seat lid cover, and a great yawning void appears before you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>Fortunately, you're not alone.
"Ahem! Just what do you think you're doing?" says [[a surprising voice|MinceReunion]]. "Belch Moistly, you need to show some table manners before you eat!"<</if>>
<</if>><<if $snipercaptive is "Koy">>
"You have made a fatal mistake."
You can't tell who said that at first, but it's made all too clear a moment later— when a giant mechanical hand wraps around your body and lifts you up like a drink can.
Next thing you know, a huge, baleful yellow eye is glaring right in your face.
"I know who you are, you know," says the eye's owner in an imperious tone. "You're that new puppeteer. You must be so proud of yourself." The hand pulls you back as if to give you a better look, revealing the eye to belong to something you never thought you'd see; a towering, fifteen-foot dragon.
The dragon's fish-scaled skin gleams in the dim light. Its tongue flutters as it talks, and its nostrils flare with every breath; but it's not truly alive, for you can see pneumatic tubes, bundles of wire, and servomotors behind gaps in its facade.
"Look at you! Even now, with death staring you in the face, you're taking me apart in your head," the dragon sneers. "You thought that being the biggest fan of the Handfuls meant you could join them yourself. Malcolm's little protege… and where is he now?"
<<if not $dennis>>It's right. Mal isn't here— no one who could defend you is.
"I was there, you know," says the dragon in a mocking tone of voice. "I saw what happened. Malcolm Newsome didn't die of a drug overdose at all… and now no one else will ever know that."
The dragon raises its head, baring its half-finished throat. Slowly, the web of girders and supports that forms its rib cage splits apart, like a mouthful of crooked teeth, and opens wide to consume you.
<center>//[[Continue|GAME OVER]]//</center>
<<else>>You raise your hand, and a [[voice you haven't heard in weeks|DennisReunion]] speaks.
"Princess, I know it's not my place, but this isn't right."<</if>>
<</if>>You have found Balzac, the sports-loving armadillo.
Balzac is the color of a basketball, and when he pulls his head in, as armadillos do, he looks just like a basketball too. This unique feature of the puppet makes him into something of a soft-sculpture Transformer. His powerful-looking clawed hands are attached to his hips, giving him a permanent arms-akimbo pose when his head is fully extended, but making him appear to cower when peeking out of his shell. His bulging eyes are large and his pupils are small, which makes him look either enthusiastic, or terrified.
Although Balzac is known to wear a basketball jersey (which fits under his carapace, via snap fasteners) and sometimes a baseball cap, this puppet isn't wearing anything but the child-sized athletic shoes that form his feet.
"PLAY BALL!" Balzac cheers as soon as you have him on your hand. "Oh, Sherri! You're here too? Are you the one who rescued me?? Aw, Sherri...!"
"Don't get excited, knuckle ball. It's not like we're getting married," she chuckles. "Let's beat it, chief. I don't trust this doofus not to get us in trouble."
<<if $heldpuppets lt 1>><<set $MonsterTarget to "Balzac">><<set $puppet1 to "Balzac">><<else>><<set $puppet2 to "Balzac">><</if>>
<<set $heldpuppets to $heldpuppets+1>><<set $balzac to true>><<set $foundbalzac to true>><<set $totalpuppets to $totalpuppets+1>>''You have Balzac. You now have $totalpuppets Handfuls.''
<<set $fleeing to true>>
''Get to the van!''
[[Back to the studio lobby.|RoomC1]] On Balzac's suggestion, you dive behind a tipped-over bench, with both arms underneath you. <<set $benchtipped to true>>
<<if $hyper is 4>>Something swishes by rapidly-- and then swishes by again. It might be a good idea to [[wait in here a while.|Tipped Bench]]<</if>>
You can [[come out|RoomC4]] if you think the danger has passed.
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>On Balzac's advice, you dive under the fabric cutting table. There's rolls of fabric and half-finished quilts under here, so it would be pretty comfortable if there weren't also a few pincushions scattered around!<<set $haystack to true>>
<<if $sniper is 5 >>It's as silent as a tomb-- until you hear a whisking sound from on top of the table. It might be a good idea to [[wait in here a while.|Fabric Cutting Table]]<</if>>
You can [[come out|RoomD5]] if you think the danger has passed.
<<include "Cuckoo Clock">><<include "Inventory">>It was just six weeks ago that you went back to your old job, the best job in the world, and raided it for puppets. Nobody saw your face, nobody thanked you, and no one said a word to you about it afterward except to wire you a check (which was a very big, fat check).
You haven't been back to the lot since then. As cathartic as the puppet raid was for you, you're still not emotionally ready to see it razed and destroyed. You've kept busy, though; the whole event has reignited your love for puppetry, and you've been doing street performances and public appearances.
Now, here it is, April, and a text from your contact this morning informed you that there'd be a [[limousine]] waiting outside your apartment building.<center><<if $totalpuppets gte 10>><h2>[[~~Epilogue~~|six weeks later]]</h2><<elseif $totalpuppets lte 4>><h2>[[Epilogue|six weeks later]]</h2><<else>><h2>[[~Epilogue~|six weeks later]]</h2><</if>></center>"If you're wondering what's happening, I can't tell you. I was just told to pick you up and bring you to the dropoff point," says the chauffeur as he swings out onto the main road. "Or… no, wait, actually there's an envelope. Slipped my mind." He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a letter with a wax seal on it.
The [[letter]] is very brief.<h6>//To whom it may concern:
I must apologize for how enigmatic all of this second-story business has been. I wish I could give you the full story, but knowing you, you may have already worked it out. In lieu of full detail, I would like to show you what you have made possible.
What you are about to see is the result of months of collaborative effort between yourself, my organization, and the late Mr. Newsome. The tragic loss of our mutual friend might have prevented this from coming to pass, and indeed I nearly gave up hope. It was only through desperate measures that I was able to employ a mere two people to accomplish this mission, which deserved an army.
That is the reason, I once again stress, that// none //of this could have come to pass without you. I truly hope it meets with your favor.
Yours Truly,
Mr. P//</h6>Looking up from the letter, you see banners and flags hanging from the street lights. You're in the nice part of downtown now. The limousine slows to a stop; you've arrived, in front of a building with tall windows and stone columns.
Welcome to the Paraprosdokian <<if $totalpuppets gte 10>>[[Museum|Best Ending]]<<elseif $totalpuppets lte 4>>[[Museum|OK ending]]<<else>>[[Museum|Good Ending]]<</if>> of American Arts.Recognizing your VIP pass, friendly museum employees guide you to the museum's northeast wing; the Television and Film exhibit.
You've been here before. It's actually one of your favorite places to take friends when they visit your city, because there's such a collection of wild props and paraphernalia from the history of moving pictures. Your friends always gasp when they first see that the truck that played Optimus Prime is here.
Now it's your turn to gasp, because Optimus is gone. In fact, the Television and Film wing has been completely remodeled. Banners hanging from the ceiling announce that the wing has a new name entirely:
<center><h3>[[The World of Malcolm Newsome]]</h3></center>Recognizing your VIP pass, friendly museum employees guide you to the museum's northeast wing; the Television and Film exhibit.
You've been here before. It's actually one of your favorite places to take friends when they visit your city, because there's such a collection of wild props and paraphernalia from the history of moving pictures. Your friends always gasp when they first see that the truck that played Optimus Prime is here.
Now it's your turn to gasp, because Optimus is gone. In fact, much of the Television and Film wing has been rearranged to make room for a new exhibit; one that is very familiar to you.
Banners hanging from the ceiling proudly proclaim, [["Meet the Handfuls!"]]Recognizing your VIP pass, friendly museum employees guide you to the museum's northeast wing; the Television and Film exhibit.
You've been here before. It's actually one of your favorite places to take friends when they visit your city, because there's such a collection of wild props and paraphernalia from the history of moving pictures. Your friends always gasp when they first see that the truck that played Optimus Prime is here.
Now it's your turn to gasp, because Optimus is gone. In his place against the east wall of the museum is something you never thought you'd see again.
You run up to see for yourself if it's real. There it is: //the Something New Studios mural,// brick for brick, intact and with fresh touchups. If it weren't behind a velvet rope, you'd want to [[reach out and touch it again.|Careful!]]"Careful, it's still wet," says the white-haired man standing next to you, and your hand flinches back. He laughs. "Just kidding. Hey, that's you up there, isn't it! I never forget a face once I've painted it." He offers a hand to shake, his own VIP pass swinging on his lanyard. "I'm Fritz Matthew. I saw that photo of you and Mal in front of my mural…" His smile tightens as he shakes your hand. "I thought it was going to be an ongoing project. You know, he creates more characters, adds more staff, I come back and add more faces to the mural… I never thought they'd have to preserve it like this."
The two of you take the mural in together for a second. "So the studio is gone," Fritz says, shaking his head sadly. "You know, you can't tell me there wasn't more than meets the eye with what happened with Mal Newsome. Between you and me, I'm pretty sure there was something at that studio they didn't want anyone to find… which is why they ripped it all down."
He gestures with his thumb to the north wall. "At least not everything is gone. Some good samaritan came through; this will be a happy home for [[those guys,]] I'm sure."You turn to follow Fritz's thumb, and are met with the same familiar faces you saw on the mural. It's the Handfuls— the ones you spirited away from the doomed studio, just a lonely month ago or so. It was a time of raw emotions for you, and with the event in the past, you aren't sure you would have done it if asked now— but you're glad you did it then.
It's a small exhibit; you're sure you could have gotten away with more puppets than that if you'd been better prepared, not to mention in a better head space. Still, they're all looking great— it's actually a real relief to see that they're [[being preserved]], not given to some rich child for a toy. You take a walk past the exhibits, reading the cards provided by the museum:
<<if $foundernest is true>><<if $losternest is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>ERNEST WEASEL. Created 1998. Malcolm Newsome's "alter ego", and leader figure among his Handful friends. Built for Newsome's first program, "The Things", which was produced in Theodore Roosevelt High School's A/V studio.</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $foundthud is true>><<if $lostthud is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>DULL THUD. Created 1998. Ernest's co-star on "The Things". Rumored to be a caricature of an unpopular teacher at Roosevelt High.</td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundsherri is true>><<if $lostsherri is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>SHERRI COLA. Created 2000. Leader of the Handfuls and Ernest's foil. Originally "Cherry Cola", built for a commercial for Pectinator's "Chew-Can-Play" Gummy Worms.</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $foundapple is true>><<if $lostapple is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>SOUR APPLE. Created 2000. Built for Pectinator Gummy Worms. Cherry Cola and Sour Apple appeared in many of Newsome's commercials, often chasing or trapping Ernest Weasel between them.</td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundbalzac is true>><<if $lostbalzac is not true>> <table style="background-color:#666666"><td>BALZAC. Created 2004. Sports aficionado and Ernest's best friend. Built for Malcolm Newsome's first widely televised program, The Handfuls.</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $foundproust is true>><<if $lostproust is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>PROUST. First appearance 2005. Balzac the armadillo's "mother", whom he lives in awe and fear of, despite her not being an armadillo or even alive. </td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundblintz is true>><<if $lostblintz is not true>> <table style="background-color:#666666"><td>BLINTZ: Created 2008. Mad scientist reindeer, best friend and rival to Sherri Cola. Created for the televised Christmas special, "Maybe Santa's Wrong," starring Devan Feiffer.</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $founddesmond is true>>Desmond Pfeffernusse<<if $lostdesmond is not true>> <table style="background-color:#666666"><td>DEVAN PFEFFERNUSSE: Created 2008. A caricature of actor/comedian Devan Feiffer, who also provided the voice. In the special, he plays a young boy who is recruited by Santa Claus as a Christmas elf, despite not celebrating Christmas.</td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundmoist is true>><<if $lostmoist is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>BELCH MOISTLY: Created 2013. Obnoxious frog monster with a heart of gold. Built for Count Spatula's Silver Spoon, a syndicated children's show produced by Newsome. </td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $foundmince is true>><<if $lostmince is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>MINCE CHURLISHLY: Created 2012 for Count Spatula's Silver Spoon. High-strung Kappa (a Japanese water demon) who serves as straight man for the abrasive Belch Moistly. </td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundkoi is true>><<if $lostkoi is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>PRINCESS KOY: Created 2018. Featured on the streaming program "Mal Newsome's Something New" as the new boss of the Handfuls. Built for a commercial for Murasame Ramen (a Japanese instant noodle brand).</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $founddennis is true>><<if $lostdennis is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>UNNAMED JIANGSHI PUPPET: Created 2019. A Chinese "hopping vampire" //(jiangshi)// built for Murasame Ramen, promoting their "Qing Dynasty" ramen flavor (beef with peanut). Later appeared opposite Princess Koy on Mal Newsome's Something New.</td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundork is true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>THE ORK: Created 2011. Built for the feature film "The Adventures of Trot and Cap'n Bill", directed by Xanthe Gallo and produced by Malcolm Newsome. In the film, the titular characters encounter many of Newsome's puppet creations, including this friendly parrotlike creature. </td></table><</if>><<if $foundcapnbill is true>><<if $lostcapnbill is not true>> (<table style="background-color:#666666"><td>CAP'N BILL WEEDLES (Grasshopper form): Created 2011. Built for the feature film "The Adventures of Trot and Cap'n Bill", directed by Xanthe Gallo and produced by Malcolm Newsome. In the film, the titular Cap'n Bill spends much of the runtime transformed into a peg-legged grasshopper, which is restored to human size (but not shape) during the climax. </td></table><</if>><</if>>
The final exhibit is a large black and white [[photograph,]] blown up to picture window size on the wall. It's a wide shot of the R&D department, with the whole company pictured: the workshop staff in the middle, the cafeteria workers in their aprons on the catwalk, the office staff in the computer lab, the A/V department up in front, and the puppeteers and performers of Something New all scattered around, posing with their puppets— and almost everyone who doesn't normally have a puppet is showing off a handmade paper bag puppet, made just for this occasion.
The museum has provided a caption for this picture:
COMPANY-WIDE PORTRAIT, Something New Studios, 2019.
//Photograph by Fritz Matthews//
<h6>The untimely death of Malcolm Newsome in 2022 threw the future of the company into doubt. Since that time, evidence came to light that demonstrated a troubled side to Malcolm that he did not share with the public, and opinions on his legacy may differ.
It is the opinion of the PPDK Foundation that, regardless of one's opinion of Mr. Newsome himself, given the range and impact of his work over 25 years, his legacy should not be discounted. </h6>
Our humblest thanks to those who made possible this exhibit:
Fritz Matthews
Maurecia Newsome
"Mr. Green"
[[Anonymous]]You recognize this picture; it was used as the endpapers to the company yearbook, the same year that you and Mal were on the cover together. There's Mal and Ernest in the center, and up on the catwalk with the cafeteria workers, there's you, with Dennis, a big smile on your face and Dennis holding up his ramen bowl.
It's the best years of your life, preserved as a museum exhibit.
You're so absorbed in your memories, you hadn't realized Matthew was looking at the photo with you. "You were right, you had the best job in the world," he chuckles. "But I guess all good things must come to an end."
[[Do they, though?]]You can't be the only puppeteer with nothing but time on their hands. Lots of talented people in this photo, after all. There's one right next to you, in fact. The world's full of people with amazing talents just waiting for the right outlet.
Maybe you're not ready to look for a new job just yet.
<center><h2>THE END</h2>You were able to rescue $totalpuppets Handfuls. There are 14 in all!
Take the challenge again and try to find more!
[[Restart Game|Title Page]]
</center>You weren't sure if you were ever going to see them again, but here they are: all the Handfuls you managed to spirit away on that cold, dangerous night, just you and your anonymous partner, are now on display at the museum. Each one is in an elegant glass case, accompanied by various photos of productions the puppet was in, both behind the scenes and on camera. Some of these glass cases are only filled with a cardboard cutout of the puppet, with a note stating the puppet is on tour; coincidentally, these are all the puppets you weren't able to retrieve yourself.
One by one, you walk past them all:
<<if $foundkoi is true>><<if $lostkoi is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>PRINCESS KOY: Created 2018. Featured on the streaming program "Mal Newsome's Something New" as the new boss of the Handfuls. Built for a commercial for Murasame Ramen (a Japanese instant noodle brand).</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $founddennis is true>><<if $lostdennis is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>UNNAMED JIANGSHI PUPPET: Created 2019. A Chinese "hopping vampire" //(jiangshi)// built for Murasame Ramen, promoting their "Qing Dynasty" ramen flavor (beef with peanut). Later appeared opposite Princess Koy on Mal Newsome's Something New.</td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundork is true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>THE ORK: Created 2011. Built for the feature film "The Adventures of Trot and Cap'n Bill", directed by Xanthe Gallo and produced by Malcolm Newsome. In the film, the titular characters encounter many of Newsome's puppet creations, including this friendly parrotlike creature. </td></table><</if>><<if $foundcapnbill is true>><<if $lostcapnbill is not true>> (<table style="background-color:#666666"><td>CAP'N BILL WEEDLES (Grasshopper form): Created 2011. Built for the feature film "The Adventures of Trot and Cap'n Bill", directed by Xanthe Gallo and produced by Malcolm Newsome. In the film, the titular Cap'n Bill spends much of the runtime transformed into a peg-legged grasshopper, which is restored to human size (but not shape) during the climax. </td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundmoist is true>><<if $lostmoist is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>BELCH MOISTLY: Created 2013. Obnoxious frog monster with a heart of gold. Built for Count Spatula's Silver Spoon, a syndicated children's show produced by Newsome. </td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $foundmince is true>><<if $lostmince is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>MINCE CHURLISHLY: Created 2012 for Count Spatula's Silver Spoon. High-strung Kappa (a Japanese water demon) who serves as straight man for the abrasive Belch Moistly. </td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundblintz is true>><<if $lostblintz is not true>> <table style="background-color:#666666"><td>BLINTZ: Created 2008. Mad scientist reindeer, best friend and rival to Sherri Cola. Created for the televised Christmas special, "Maybe Santa's Wrong," starring Devan Feiffer.</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $founddesmond is true>>Desmond Pfeffernusse<<if $lostdesmond is not true>> <table style="background-color:#666666"><td>DEVAN PFEFFERNUSSE: Created 2008. A caricature of actor/comedian Devan Feiffer, who also provided the voice. In the special, he plays a young boy who is recruited by Santa Claus as a Christmas elf, despite not celebrating Christmas.</td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundbalzac is true>><<if $lostbalzac is not true>> <table style="background-color:#666666"><td>BALZAC. Created 2004. Sports aficionado and Ernest's best friend. Built for Malcolm Newsome's first widely televised program, The Handfuls.</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $foundproust is true>><<if $lostproust is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>PROUST. First appearance 2005. Balzac the armadillo's "mother", whom he lives in awe and fear of, despite her not being an armadillo or even alive. </td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundsherri is true>><<if $lostsherri is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>SHERRI COLA. Created 2000. Leader of the Handfuls and Ernest's foil. Originally "Cherry Cola", built for a commercial for Pectinator's "Chew-Can-Play" Gummy Worms.</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $foundapple is true>><<if $lostapple is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>SOUR APPLE. Created 2000. Built for Pectinator Gummy Worms. Cherry Cola and Sour Apple appeared in many of Newsome's commercials, often chasing or trapping Ernest Weasel between them.</td></table><</if>><</if>>
<<if $foundernest is true>><<if $losternest is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>ERNEST WEASEL. Created 1998. Malcolm Newsome's "alter ego", and leader figure among his Handful friends. Built for Newsome's first program, "The Things", which was produced in Theodore Roosevelt High School's A/V studio.</td></table><</if>><</if>><<if $foundthud is true>><<if $lostthud is not true>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>DULL THUD. Created 1998. Ernest's co-star on "The Things". Rumored to be a caricature of an unpopular teacher at Roosevelt High.</td></table><</if>><</if>>
The final exhibit is a large [[black and white photograph]], blown up to picture window size on the wall. It's a wide shot of the R&D department, with the whole company pictured: the workshop staff in the middle, the cafeteria workers in their aprons on the catwalk, the office staff in the computer lab, the A/V department up in front, and the puppeteers and performers of Something New all scattered around, posing with their puppets— and almost everyone who doesn't normally have a puppet is showing off a handmade paper bag puppet, made just for this occasion.
The museum has provided a caption for this picture:
COMPANY-WIDE PORTRAIT, Something New Studios, 2019.
//Photograph by Fritz Matthews//
<h6>The untimely death of Malcolm Newsome in 2022 threw the future of the company into doubt. At one point, the historic studio lot itself was threatened with sale to the neighboring amusement park, emboldened by a media-backed mudslinging campaign that endangered Newsome's good name.
Thankfully, due to the tireless efforts and bravery of some of his most dedicated supporters, Malcolm Newsome's honor is no longer considered to be under question. Although audiovisual productions have ceased, the Something New Studios lot has been registered as a Historic Place of Interest, and tours are expected to resume in 2024 following repairs. </h6>
Our humblest thanks to those who made possible this exhibit:
Fritz Matthews
Maurecia Newsome
"Mr. Green"
Anonymous
"Can you believe it?" says [[a voice behind you.]] "You saved the studio."Who could have known that? You whirl around to see a face you're not entirely familiar with, but elements of it ring a bell, in particular the big smile she gives when she recognizes your puzzlement.
"I'm Rici Newsome? Mal's sister? We met at the funeral," she says. "But I also happen to know that you were involved with… [[something]] that would probably have made my brother break down crying." She looks at the picture of Mal on the enlarged photo, showing that familiar big smile. "You know how much he loved to give," Rici chuckles. "But he wasn't all that great at receiving gifts himself… maybe he just didn't know how. I mean, being who he was and how he was, he expected to be misunderstood… so when he felt like someone did understand him, it always shook him."
Rici's hand is warm on your shoulder. "You weren't the first choice, you know," she says. "A lot of people got the call and turned it down. You had to have cared an awful, awful lot about him to take on that kind of a responsibility, whether you needed the money or not."
Thinking back on it? [[You really did.]]
"Mal didn't leave a will," she continues. "The court made me the executor of his estate… which could have been almost nothing, if you hadn't done this. The Something New company is defunct now; there were a lot of unpaid bills to take care of, and the liquid assets are almost spent. The intellectual property, however, is now in the hands of the nonprofit Mal Newsome Foundation," She gives a knowing smile. "Of which, I am both founder and president."
[[Where's she going with this?]]"We're a group dedicated to providing opportunity to artists in need; funding for public art shows, screenings, production and post-production, and even staffing," Rici says. "Nothing made Mal happier than seeing kids, parents, and especially teens who were inspired by his work, so we're in the business of finding and enabling the most inspired artists we can find.
"But for that, we're going to need artists… we're going to need writers, sculptors, metalworkers and programmers," she says. "We're going to need //performers//. People who can just slip on another personality like it was nothing." She arches an eyebrow. "Know [[anyone like that]] who needs a job?"Your eye flickers up to the picture of Malcolm and Ernest again. For the first time, you notice that Ernest's fuzzy hands are both giving the thumbs up.
Well, who can say no to that?
<center><h2>THE END</h2>You were able to rescue $totalpuppets Handfuls. There are 14 in all!
Take the challenge again and try to find more!
[[Restart Game|Title Page]]
</center>"Careful, it's still wet," says the white-haired man standing next to you, and your hand flinches back. He laughs. "Just kidding. Hey, that's you up there, isn't it! I never forget a face once I've painted it." He offers a hand to shake, his own VIP pass swinging on his lanyard. "I'm Fritz Matthew. I saw that photo of you and Mal in front of my mural…" His smile tightens as he shakes your hand. "I thought it was going to be an ongoing project. You know, he creates more characters, adds more staff, I come back and add more faces to the mural… I never thought they'd have to preserve it like this."
The two of you take the mural in together for a second. "So the studio is gone," Fritz says, shaking his head sadly. "You know, you can't tell me there wasn't more than meets the eye with what happened with Mal Newsome. Between you and me, I'm pretty sure there was something at that studio they didn't want anyone to find… which is why they ripped it all down."
He gestures with his thumb to the north wall. "At least not everything is gone. Some good samaritan came through; this will be a happy home for [[those guys,]] I'm sure."The northeast wing of the museum has been reconstructed in service of an exhibit dedicated entirely to Mal and the Handfuls. The original puppets are on display, grouped together in glass cases in an order showcasing the history of the company. Numerous VIP visitors are already here, crowding around the dioramas and pointing. There's delighted laughter everywhere, and a few muffled sniffles.
When you see the sheer number of puppets on display in this exhibit, it's hard to believe that you managed to get away with so many of them in a single night. Did you, even? Are some of these new? It was a long night so it's kind of hard to say.
"Oh! You're here! [[Everyone, look who's here!]]"A pink-haired vision from your past runs up and hugs you without warning. It's Kitty Peck, the puppeteer who discovered you and introduced you to Mal in the first place! This is someone who never has to ask for a hug from you! It feels so good to see her again.
"Rici told us everything,” she says, taking your hands in hers and squeezing. “None of this could have happened if not for you. I got the call too, you know, but I just couldn't make myself go back yet… I'm glad you could.."
Kitty gestures to the museum. "Everyone is here. They're going to be letting the public in pretty shortly. You should have a [[look at the exhibits]] first, just to make sure everything's right."The exhibits are arranged like a timeline of the Handfuls, but you know which one you want to visit first:<<set $museumexhibits to 0>>
<<include "Museum Exhibits">><center>MAL NEWSOME KNEW SOME THINGS</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>Malcolm Alexander Newsome was born February 20, 1980, in Lancaster, California, to Jared Newsome, a welder, and Maria Newsome-DuPree, a restaurant cook. Four years later, his sister, Maurecia Newsome, was born, and Malcolm discovered the pursuit that would define his life: performing. With his mother and father working, Malcolm found the best way to keep his rambunctious sister out of trouble was to put on a show for her.
In high school, Malcolm participated in theater and choir, but was often repelled by what he called the "crusher"-- the pressure to do what was already tested and popular. Leaving theater, he instead pursued A/V club, where he began to develop what would one day become the Handfuls.
Malcolm didn't expect his puppet creations to become as popular as they did.</h6></td></table>A display showing photos from Mal's childhood hangs on the wall, including his fourth grade class picture (in a Legend of Zelda shirt) and a shot of him playing Jud Fry in a school production of 'Oklahoma!'<table align="center" style="background-color:#000099"><td><h5>"I put the Things together for a school project where they kept shooting down my other ideas. I was all like 'I don't know, puppets??' and they said 'OK', so I stayed up all night making puppets, but as soon I got started they were like 'wait, we thought you were kidding!' So I brought the puppets to A/V club and started making fun of the teachers with them." </h5></td></table>This display contains the original four Things: ''Mr. Green'', represented here by a plastic cabbage wearing Groucho glasses; ''Dull Thud'', one of the puppets you found; ''Plasma Soul'', a cloud of cotton batting studded with Christmas lights, and of course ''Ernest The Least Weasel.'' Surprisingly, this is not the Ernest puppet you found-- it's much cruder, because it's the original puppet Mal made in high school.<table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>//Ernest Weasel//. Built and performed by Malcolm Newsome.
//Mr. Green// (recreation). Performed using fresh vegetables by Mimi Cheney.
//Dull Thud//. Built by Malcolm Newsome, performed by Lawrence Ruby.
//Plasma Soul//. Built and performed by Maurecia Newsome.</h6></td></table>
"It's hard to look at your own life in a museum," says [[a voice behind you.|Lawrence Ruby]]<<set $museumexhibits to $museumexhibits+1>><center>HOW TO GET AHEAD IN ADVERTISING</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>The "Things", as Mal dubbed his puppet creations, became a regular activity for Malcolm and his friends. After school he would meet with them to shoot Things episodes, then work with Lawrence Ruby at a car wash owned by Ruby's uncle.</h6></td></table><table align="center" style="background-color:#000099"><td><h5>"I sent Things videotapes everywhere. Local TV stations, advertising agencies, MTV, Nickelodeon, Comedy Central. So yeah, I had big dreams already, but started small; it was August Mchill, an ad man in LA, who offered me and Lawrence two thousand dollars to shoot a 15-second commercial for him. We quit working at the car wash, and didn't give NO prior notice!"</h5></td></table>This display contains a bunch of puppets created for the Pectinator "Chew-Can-Play" brand of gummy worms. Sour Apple is here, as well as the unmistakable Sherri Cola. Several other puppets are here, but most of them have been recreated as other kinds of characters for different commercials: there's a green mailman with a huge head, a yellow dragon, and a black cat with a purple mouth.<table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>//Cherry Cola//. Built by Malcolm Newsome, performed by Maurecia Newsome.
//Sour Apple// Built by Malcolm Newsome, performed by Maurecia Newsome.
//What-a-Melon// ("Mr. Delivery"). Built by Malcolm Newsome, performed by Mimi Cheney.
//Lemon Drop// ("Candy Dragon"). Built and performed by Maurecia Newsome.
//Blackberry// ("Old Familiar"). Built and performed by Mimi Cheney.</h6></td></table>
"Really makes you want gummy worms, doesn't it!" says [[Kitty's familiar voice.|Kitty Peck]]<<set $museumexhibits to $museumexhibits+1>><center>TROUBLEMAKERS ON YOUR HANDS</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>As the 2000s progressed, digital video technology boomed, and Mal found a whole new way to get his creations noticed. New online video services like TallGrass and Boss Key proved so effective that Mal found himself being courted for the first time, and the new puppets and puppeteers who had debuted in online video now found themselves employed in the XXL Network's breakout hit, ''The Handfuls'', the final evolution of The Things. </h6></td></table><table align="center" style="background-color:#000099"><td><h5>"Pilsner Communications [XXL's parent company] was scared [expletive] that online video would be the death of basic cable, so they were buying up zero-budget shows from all over the Internet. It was a little gold rush that ended way too soon-- so many brilliant artists didn't get the opportunities that I did."</h5></td></table>The glass case contains the familiar orange figure of Balzac, surrounded by his 'family'-- well-used sports equipment. There's a dirty soccer ball, a faded beach ball, and a cracked red bowling ball. There is also, however, a much bigger, walkaround puppet version of Balzac, that you've never seen before.<table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>//Balzac// the armadillo. Built by Vince Stocker, performed by Lawrence Ruby.
//Proust,// Balzac's 'mother'. Purchased at thrift.
//Flaubert//, Balzac's 'sister'. Purchased at thrift.
//Truffaut//, Balzac's 'father'. Purchased at thrift.
//"Big" Balzac// the armadillo. Built and performed by Vince Stocker.</h6></td></table>"That's him!" says [[the red-haired man next to you.|Vince Stocker]] "My boy!"<<set $museumexhibits to $museumexhibits+1>><center>THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>Malcolm Newsome was building a reputation in Hollywood. As the Handfuls built a photo album of guest appearances and late night talk show performances, demand grew to feature them on broadcast television. This time it wasn't a producer, but comedian Devan Feiffer who made the call that took the Handfuls, and Mal, from rising stars to superstars. </h6></td></table><table align="center" style="background-color:#007799"><td><h5>"All I needed was someone who actually celebrated Kwanzaa, because I told my producer I didn't want to do a Christmas special. Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by these crazy puppets and this little dude who looks like the black Ringo Starr is shaking my hand? It all happened so fast, I'd already been producing his show for a year by the time I realized he was a genius!" --Devan Feiffer</h5></td></table>This display features a number of puppets built for the 2008 TV film, Maybe Santa's Wrong. The stars of the special, Devan Pfeffernusse (Devan Feiffer's elfin alter ego) and his unlikely ally, Blintz the mad science reindeer. Ringing them are several similar elf puppets, some more orthodox reindeer characters, and Santa Claus himself, wearing a dashiki to match Devan's, as seen during the epilogue. <table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>//Devan Pfeffernusse//, the elf. Built by Vince Stocker, performed by Lawrence Ruby, voiced by Devan Feiffer.
//Blintz,// the science reindeer. Built and performed by Kitty Peck.
//Kringla//, the elf. Built by Thomas Roark, performed by Charleen Niven.
//Spritz//, the elf. Built by Thomas Roark, performed by Kitty Peck.
//Cupid//, the reindeer. Built by Thomas Roark and Charleen Niven, performed by Charleen Niven.
//Kringla//, the elf. Built by Thomas Roark, performed by Vanessa Mahaffey.
//Santa Claus.// Built and performed by Vince Stocker, voiced by Keith David.</h6></td></table>Suddenly, you realize that [[one of the famous faces|Devan Feiffer]] that appears on the information placard, is in fact standing right next to you, and smiling. "New meat! You made it!"<<set $museumexhibits to $museumexhibits+1>><center>NEWSOME DROPS THE BAUM</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>
When The Handfuls wrapped in 2011, Mal already had a new project in the works; The Adventures of Trot and Cap'n Bill, his first full-length feature, and the first production of the expansive Hollywood studio he now commanded. He was enthusiastic about stretching his creative muscles with a fantasy picture; what he hadn't expected was stepping into the role of executive producer, and gaining full creative control. The stress of the business side of show business took a toll on him, and Mal quickly returned to television afterward.</h6></td></table><table align="center" style="background-color:#000099"><td><h5>
"I didn't grow up with money. We had a roof over our heads and food on the table because both my parents worked hard all their lives. Becoming a producer brought me into contact with some of the most alien personalities I've ever met. This was something beyond racism, these people literally thought less of you if you worked... people with real money are scary!"</h5></td></table>
This large, floor-mounted display features not only the puppet creations made for the film, but numerous other elements provided for the film by Something New Studios. The Ork is there, posed with characteristic mock ferocity, and astride him is the grasshopper puppet Cap'n Bill, wielding his pipe like a hammer. A number of beautiful and very individualistic costumes are arranged behind them on mannequins, as well as a bizarre-looking full-body prosthetic for a character called The Bumpy Man.<table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>
//The Ork//, a giant walk-around creature. Built by Vince Stocker and Thomas Roark, performed by Mal Newsome.
//Captain Bill Weedles// in transformed grasshopper form. Built by Malcolm Newsome and Vince Stocker, performed by Xanthe Gallo and Malcolm Newsome, voiced by Will Nicholson.
//The Mountain Ear// (or the "Bumpy Man"). Prosthetic designed by Mi Hua Ong and Vince Stocker, performed by Vince Stocker.
//Princess Gloria.// Costume designed by Mi Hua Ong.
//Trot.// Costume designed by Mi Hua Ong.
//Googly-Goo.// Costume designed by Mi Hua Ong and Thomas Roark.
//King Krewl.// Costume designed by Mi Hua Ong.
//Blinkie the witch.// Costume designed by Mal Newsome and Mi Hua Ong.
</h6></td></table>
"Great picture," says [[the person|Will Nicholson]] on the other side of the display. "Wish it'd done as well here as it did overseas!"<<set $museumexhibits to $museumexhibits+1>><center>STEPPING OUT FOR A BITE</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>
Mal loved the freedom of having his own studio, but hated the business side of things. He was happy to relinquish the title of producer and become showrunner again for a brand new project, his first children's show: Count Spatula's Silver Spoon. Although comedian Jared Long was the creator, Mal's new Handful creations quickly became the stars of the show. </h6></td></table><table align="center" style="background-color:#007799"><td><h5>
"I thought I would just be singing about letters and numbers. When Mal Newsome came on board, it was all I could do to write down all his great ideas. It's a diner because everybody eats, and it's an all-night diner, where people and monsters eat together, because we're teaching values by example. The more different someone is from you, the more you can teach each other-- and no one's more different from you than a monster, right?" --Jared Long</h5></td></table>
A wall of photos from the set takes center stage here, with many images of Count Spatula himself joining a myriad of guest stars, both promotional photos and candids. Underneath this tableau is the puppet stars: the incorrigible Belch Moistly and Mince Churlishly are here, along with some other strange monster puppets, and that beloved staple of puppetry: talking food.<table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>
//Moist//, the "Loveland frog", built by Thomas Roark, performed by Malcolm Newsome.
//Mince//, the "French kappa", built by Thomas Roark, performed by Kitty Peck.
//Niko Big-Smile,// the "Slit-mouth woman", built by Thomas Roark, performed by Xanthe Gallo.
//Bad Luck Eggplant,// the "Butatsch-cun-ilgs", built by Mi Hua Ong, performed by Vince Stocker.
//Cutter,// the cheese, built by Mi Hua Ong, performed by ''yourself.''
</h6></td></table>
[[Another visitor|Jared Long]] glances at you, then the puppets, then you again, and smiles. "I'm sorry, this is too good a setup... did //you// cut that cheese?"<<set $museumexhibits to $museumexhibits+1>><center>SOMETHING NEW FROM NEWSOME</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>
The success of Count Spatula proved that Mal was able to create new characters just as beloved as the original Handfuls-- which makes it ironic that when he was approached for a new show that would be original to streaming video, his proposals were all rejected in favor of a revival of The Handfuls. Although production on the show's second season was interrupted by the Covid-19 pandemic emergency, Mal and the Something New performers continued performing from their own homes. </h6></td></table><table align="center" style="background-color:#000099"><td><h5>
"People ask me where Princess Koy comes from. We built the puppet for a ramen commercial, of course, but the truth is that I added her to the cast because working in streaming television introduced me to so many people like her-- very cool, very inexperienced, very dispassionate. It took a while to make her actually likable, because our frustrations with our producers kept coming out!"</h5></td></table>
This puppet display, one of the largest, features the final lineup of The Handfuls as a stable of characters. It takes you a moment to realize it, but these, specifically, are the puppets you rescued, one by one, spiriting them into a custom puppet van.
What a strange night that was. You remember having conversations with the puppets. Did you perform them for yourself? Or did you hear the puppets talking to you? It's all a blur at this point. <table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>
//Ernest//, the Least Weasel. Last performed by Mal Newsome.
//Sherri Cola//, the 'thingy'. Last performed by Charleen Niven.
//Balzac,// the armadillo. Last performed by Vince Stocker.
//Blintz,// the science reindeer. Last performed by Kitty Peck.
//Moist,// the gross-out monster. Last performed by Mal Newsome.
//Princess Koy,// the royal carp dragon. Last performed by Xanthe Gallo.
//Princess Koy's assistant,// the unnamed Chinese hopping ghost. Last performed by yourself.
</h6></td></table>
"You do not need to dally here," says the voice of [[someone you know very well.|Xanthe Gallo]] "No matter how long you wait... they will not wink at you."<<set $museumexhibits to $museumexhibits+1>><center>MIGHTY MORPHEMES</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>
Mal loved to perform, but he hated managing money. This led to many offers to acquire the Handfuls and Something New Studios. One powerful candidate was the Cheney corporation, with whom Mal had butted heads with in the past-- but he also had a powerful ally in Mimi Cheney, an heir who had been part of the original "Things" program twenty years previous. These mysterious puppet creations, which Mal dubbed "Morphemes", were the result of Cheney's unsuccessful attempt to court Something New Studios.</h6></td></table><table align="center" style="background-color:#000099"><td><h5>
"Legally I can't talk about it. But let's put it this way: at Something New, it's not the technology, it's not the intellectual property, it's the people who are the power behind what we do. Ever wonder what would happen if the people left and the IP and technology took over? That's what I found out, and I'm never doing it again."</h5></td></table>
Looking into the display gives you a start-- it's those //things// you encountered during your raid on the studio. Their humanoid shapes seem more restrained now, and they're completely motionless-- thank goodness. There are five of them in the display: a bright green one with long legs, a dark green one crawling on all fours, an orange one with a tail instead of legs, a blue one with six arms and no legs, and a gray one that hangs from the ceiling of the display. <table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>
//"Dave."// Bright green.
//"Viper."// Orange.
//"Hyper."// Blue.
//"Sniper."// Gray.
//"Diaper."// Dark green.</h6></td></table>
[[Somebody you've never seen|Mimi Cheney]] is standing nearby; she smiles when she sees your reaction. "So it was //you//," she chuckles.<<set $museumexhibits to $museumexhibits+1>> <center>
<<if not hasVisited("MAL NEWSOME KNEW SOME THINGS")>><table align=
"center" style="background-color:#666666"><td>[[MAL NEWSOME KNEW SOME THINGS]]
1997-1999</td></table><</if>><<if not hasVisited("HOW TO GET AHEAD IN ADVERTISING")>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>[[HOW TO GET AHEAD IN ADVERTISING]]
2000-2004</td></table><</if>><<if not hasVisited("TROUBLEMAKERS ON YOUR HANDS")>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>[[TROUBLEMAKERS ON YOUR HANDS]]
2004-2009</td></table><</if>><<if not hasVisited("THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR")>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>[[THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR]]
2008</td></table><</if>><<if not hasVisited("NEWSOME DROPS THE BAUM")>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>[[NEWSOME DROPS THE BAUM]]
2012</td></table><</if>><<if not hasVisited("STEPPING OUT FOR A BITE")>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>[[STEPPING OUT FOR A BITE]]
2012-2016</td></table><</if>><<if not hasVisited("SOMETHING NEW FROM NEWSOME")>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>[[SOMETHING NEW FROM NEWSOME]]
2019-2022</td></table><</if>><<if not hasVisited("MIGHTY MORPHEMES")>><table style="background-color:#666666"><td>[[MIGHTY MORPHEMES]]
2020</td></table><</if>><<if $museumexhibits is 8>>"Hey, hang on before you give the OK," said a new voice. "We've got something special over here... we want to give you a [[private tour]]."<</if>>
</center>Waiting behind you is a Black man in his 40s, with a comfortable sweater and an Afro that's been holding on for close to 25 years now. You know him-- it's ''Lawrence Ruby,'' who's been your co-worker on the Handfuls for a long time.
"Some of this stuff is kinda edited for television, you know what I mean?" Lawrence says, grabbing your hand and pulling you into a hug. "Yeah, Mal built those puppets for a school project, but they didn't mention the part where the teacher started panicking because Mal was using "Hip Hop Hooray" for backup music!" He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, that's where Dull Thud got his name. Mr. Dulles, who crossed the street and clutched his wallet when he saw us after that. I guess he'd had us filed as 'good kids' until then."
Lawrence looks at the grumpy puppet and sighs. "Seeing it here is really hitting it home, how long ago this all was, and how it all happened because of a friend I'm not gonna see again." He heaves a long sigh, and his shoulders shake just a little.
"But... I'm glad it's all here. I'm glad you were on the case, new meat." Lawrence winks at you. "Yeah, they asked me, but I'm old, I wasn't gonna squeeze my fat ass through chain link fences or whatever." He grabs your hand again and gives it a ''big'' shake this time. "But this means I owe you, you know? You can call in that favor any time. I promise."
<<include "Museum Exhibits">>Kitty Peck has rejoined you. Her neon pink hair (sometimes with baby blue roots) is so bright you can see her when she's behind you, but she always greets you face to face.
"I thought I was going to be singing death metal," Kitty says. "But Mal was the one who heard me playing guitar and said, can you sing about gummy worms?" She giggles. "He was //different,// you know? Any group you introduced himself to, it was like he was already part of it. I'd him talking to old Baptist ladies on the street and then he'd turn around and be laughing with the punks. That's what made me always wonder about him... I guess he was asexual, which is a kind of queer identity, right? Maybe that's why I got along with him right away."
She points at the worms. "See that mailman? When I first asked him to call me Kitty instead of my deadname, I was prepared to argue for it, just like I had with Lawrence. He just held up the mailman and showed it to me, and said, 'I built this puppet to be a gummy worm, but now it's a mailman, because that's what it needs now. The important thing is that it's the same hand inside guiding it." Kitty shakes her head. "It SUCKS that he's gone. It SUCKS! But... you did the right thing. The hard thing, and the right thing."
<<include "Museum Exhibits">>There's one more room that you haven't visited yet, closed off behind some stanchions. Now there's a woman you haven't seen before calling to you from behind them.
"Over here," she says. "This is the last place we need your OK on."
Is this someone you know? It's a face you're not entirely familiar with, but elements of it ring a bell, in particular the big smile she gives when she recognizes your puzzlement.
"I'm Rici Newsome? Mal's sister? We met at the funeral," she says. "Well, we've met since then. Come on in and look at this."
Although there's a lot you wanted to say to her, she moves the stanchions back for you and ushers you in. "Catch up with me afterward. Just meet me back at the Handfuls display when you're done."
[[Done with what?]]Vince Stocker is standing next to you, arms crossed, his red beard split in a big grin. "I don't mind telling you, a couple of months ago I was spending most of my time lying on the couch and sobbing into a pillow," he says. "Like it wasn't bad enough that Mal was dead, but now it looked like the last 20 years of my life were about to be erased... so yeah, I was in no shape to be stealing puppets." He puts a hand on your back. "But then I heard someone picked up my slack... and whoever they are, they deserve a big thanks from me. And the big guy here."
He taps the glass. "Big Balzac is the last thing remaining of my own show. Did Mal ever show you any of that? Dinosaurs Vs. Mammals? Me and Mal were some of the most-viewed creators on TallGrass before it collapsed, but we hadn't met until we got the job at XXL. Then Mal's show got better and better ratings, and mine kinda got put in the timeslot of death... and just when I thought it was time to focus on TallGrass again, that went down the toilet thanks to YouTube and I had to build my following all over again..."
Vince puts his hand on the glass, as if reaching for the huge Balzac's outstretched hand. "But Mal, my rival, was my biggest fan. He'd gotten to be a big fan of puppetry along the way, and Balzac had a guest appearance on the show... then he invited me to the workshop and I built the new, Handful-sized Balzac." He taps the glass again. "The big guy's been sitting in my closet for about 15 years now. It's good to see him together with the real star again. It was Mal who made them possible... but it was you who made //this// possible."
<<include "Museum Exhibits">>It's still a little intimidating to talk to Devan Feiffer, even though you were introduced to him more than a decade ago when you first joined the studio. At the time he was Mal's boss, though a lot of the time it seemed like Mal was the boss and Devan just listened and put up the cash to let Mal do what he wanted.
"I shouldn't be calling you that, my bad," he grins. "But I do remember how you used to freeze up when I came in the room. It was your first time in the big leagues, sure, but you've been a big leaguer ever since!" He goes in for a handshake, but it turns into a hug.
He looks back at the puppet display, and that famous smile dulls. "Not everything I've made holds up," he says. "But when I got involved with Mal and the Handfuls, it was like, immortality, here I come. Feel me?" He sets his jaw. "Wish Mal hadn't beaten me there."
<<include "Museum Exhibits">>\<<set $ticktock to 1>>
\<<set $heldpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $foundpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $ernest to true>>
\<<set $foundernest to true>>
\<<set $losternest to false>>
\<<set $sherri to false>>
\<<set $foundsherri to false>>
\<<set $lostsherri to false>>
\<<set $balzac to false>>
\<<set $foundbalzac to false>>
\<<set $lostbalzac to false>>
\<<set $blintz to false>>
\<<set $foundblintz to false>>
\<<set $lostblintz to false>>
\<<set $moist to false>>
\<<set $foundmoist to false>>
\<<set $lostmoist to false>>
\<<set $ork to false>>
\<<set $foundork to false>>
\<<set $koi to false>>
\<<set $foundkoi to false>>
\<<set $lostkoi to false>>
\<<set $thud to false>>
\<<set $foundthud to false>>
\<<set $apple to false>>
\<<set $proust to false>>
\<<set $desmond to false>>
\<<set $mince to false>>
\<<set $capnbill to false>>
\<<set $dennis to false>>
\<<set $foundapple to false>>
\<<set $foundproust to false>>
\<<set $founddesmond to false>>
\<<set $foundmince to false>>
\<<set $foundcapnbill to false>>
\<<set $founddennis to false>>
\<<set $lostthud to false>>
\<<set $lostapple to false>>
\<<set $lostproust to false>>
\<<set $lostdesmond to false>>
\<<set $lostmince to false>>
\<<set $lostcapnbill to false>>
\<<set $lostdennis to false>>
\<<set $diaper to 0>>
\<<set $hyper to 0>>
\<<set $viper to 0>>
\<<set $sniper to 0>>
\<<set $dave to 0>>
\<<set $hyperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $viperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $sniperkillmode to false>>
\<<set $davekillmode to false>>
\<<set $card1 to false>>
\<<set $card2 to false>>
\<<set $card3 to false>>
\<<set $totalpuppets to 1>>
\<<set $fleeing to false>>
\<<set $puppet1 to "Ernest">>
\<<set $MonsterTarget to "Ernest">>
\<<set $daveactive to true>>
\<<set $viperactive to true>>
\<<set $hyperactive to true>>
\<<set $sniperactive to true>>Skip to the main search, with Ernest already on your hand?
[[Skip the intro and go straight to the game.|Quadrangle]]
[[Go to the title page.|Title Page]]<<set $heldpuppets to 1>><<set $puppet1 to "Sherri">><<set $brasskey to true>>
<<set $totalpuppets to 1>>
<<set $blintz to true>>
<<set $keyring to true>><<set $totalkeys to 1>>
[[RoomD1]]You've known this warm smile all your life; he may be a character actor, but Will Nicholson is someone whose fatherly manner eased into grandfatherly with no harm to his career.
"You know, you look awfully familiar," he says, huffling into his mustache thoughtfully. "Did you work on this picture with us?"
Before you can acknowledge, he remembers it himself. "Yes, you did! You're a puppeteer with the Handfuls, aren't you! I hope you're doing all right. I can't imagine it's been easy getting along without your leader like this. You were a friend of Mr. Newsome, right?"
He stumps over to greet you, and one can't help but notice the limp in his step. "You know how I got into this picture? I tried out for the part, and they'd actually had some much bigger stars audition for Cap'n Bill, so I figured it was a lost cause. Then they called me back, and this time Mal was there, and he hired me on the spot-- because Cap'n Bill was missing a leg, just like me, and he just thought it was practical to hire someone who'd know from experience how the man would move!" He guffaws. "You don't meet a lot of people in Hollywood who think like that, and I owe my last five roles to it. Here's to you, Mal! ...Rest in peace."
<<include "Museum Exhibits">>Jared Long managed to pivot from stand-up comedy to children's television without missing a beat; you remember seeing his act on TV, doing the routine that eventually spun off into Count Spatula. "Of course you did, you //are// Cutter," he beams. "It's been years! Hey, I just want to say, my kids still pull up those videos you did with the Handfuls doing sea shanteys. I bet a lot of people owe you their sanity during the lockdowns when no new shows were getting made."
He taps a picture on the collage that you hadn't noticed before; it's the two of you together, with Cutter on your hand, both making cheesy faces. "It's getting to the point where kids who grew up with Count Spatula are growing up and maybe bringing the values we tried to impart with them. I can't predict how successful we were, but if we made even a dent, I think the future looks bright. Thanks to you, and the Handfuls... and Mal."
<<include "Museum Exhibits">>It's HER. Xanthe Gallo. The most talented puppeteer in Mal's troupe, and the director of Trot & Cap'n Bill. Subject of a thousand behind-the-scenes rumors, and now she's looming over you, despite being about the same height as you. She brushes her blonde hair from her eyes and gives you that smile that reminds you of a shark.
"You are brilliant puppeteer," she says, in the clipped Russian accent she naturally speaks in, despite her ability to perform a dozen different accents. "And you are best friend Mal ever could wish for. Perhaps you will go far?" She turns and walks away. "Perhaps I will join you, even? Who can say?"
You've worked together for ten years, and that's the most you've ever heard her say without a puppet on her arm.
<<include "Museum Exhibits">>
You don't know the woman about Mal's age dressed in a smartly tailored suit, but she approaches you for a handshake. "Hi, I'm Mimi Cheney," she says. "Mal and I were friends in high school. I used to be one of the puppeteers on The Things. Then I had to leave for college, but I did my best to try to help Mal from behind the scenes... you think I'm making this up to make the Cheney corporation look good, don't you."
Was it that obvious?
"Maybe you don't trust me, that's understandable. What's important is that working with Mal, when we were just kids, changed me. I didn't grow up as part of a world that understood personal expression, just the bottom line; and becoming Mal's friend, learning how much fun it was to make something and bring it to life? That changes a person forever."
She taps on the glass. "These... entities, I guess you'd say... were Mal's only commissioned work for Cheney. When he found out corporate's actual intentions for them, he bailed out before anyone figured out how to make them actually //work//... and luckily, no one figured out who covered his tracks." She coughs. "Or, who made some very damaging leaks, for that matter."
Wait, was //she...?//
She gives you a very smug smile as she excuses herself to talk to another guest.
<<include "Museum Exhibits">><center>LIBEL, SLANDER, AND CLOUD VIDEO</center><table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>On December 5, 2022, the body of Malcolm Newsome was found in a drainage ditch, some 800 feet from his partially submerged Prius. His cell phone history showed phone calls recently made to a known sex trafficker, minutes before the time of the tragedy. Inside his car was found 5000 grams of fentanyl, a loaded gun, and a valuable puppet.
The tragedy was immediately clouded by these seeming revelations about Mr. Newsome's character. It seemed unthinkable to so many that a man who loved to perform more than anything would have a dark side that possibly led to his death. Yet the media seized upon the controversy, dominating the news for weeks as interview after interview was conducted with Mal's acquaintances, close and not close.</h6></td></table>Numerous newspapers, some from mere weeks ago, are displayed under glass on the wall. A magazine cover bears the headline: "Remembering Mal Newsome; the gentle genius he shared and the controversy over his death". A tabloid newspaper blares: "HANDFUL OF PILLS! Wacko puppet pervert's secret sex adventures revealed!" <table align="center" style="background-color:#007799"><td><h5>"It's so fitting, isn't it, that Mal's commitment to his craft would be what cleared his name. If Mal hadn't thought so far ahead when building the Koy puppet, the fraud might have been written into the history books." --Maurecia Newsome </h5></td></table>
<table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>On February 23, days after what would have been Mal's 43rd birthday, new evidence came to light that rocked the media like a bomb. The puppet that had been inside Mal's vehicle, Princess Koy, had been built with a camera in its head for puppetry purposes-- but shortly before the tragedy, Mal had begun recording with the puppet. Video recorded to the cloud over 5G revealed the horrifying truth behind his death, and the coverup that was attempted. </h6></td></table>More newspapers, even more recent, are displayed. The New York Times proclaims: "Police Brutality in Hollywood: New Video Evidence Exonerates Late Puppeteer". People Magazine is far more blunt: "IT WAS MURDER: Anger and Grief As Defiant Culprits Confess to Mal Newsome Killing". <table align="center" style="background-color:#007799"><td><h5>"No amount of anger or tears can bring Mal back, but knowing that the killers aren't walking free filled my heart for the first time since his death. The studio workshop was closed and vandalized, but we had to return one more time to build this for him." --Charleen Niven </h5></td></table>There is one last puppet on display.
You've never seen this puppet before, but you would know it anywhere. The black plastic glasses, the perfectly cut goatee, the strangely sad eyes that contrast with his beautiful toothy smile. The warm chestnut of his face, his signature orange vest, just like the one he jokingly put on Ernest... it's him. <table align="center" style="background-color:#333333"><td><h6>//"Mr. N"//. Built by Charleen Niven and Vince Stocker, in the image of Malcolm Newsome. The last Handful to be built.</h6></td></table>It almost feels like a betrayal, but you only have one option: [[Put him on.|MeetMal]]Mal seems to stretch, rub his eyes, and looks at you with a satisfied smile. "I knew you could do it," he says, his rich voice evoking Ernest Weasel's, but stronger and fuller, like coffee with milk. "I always had that feeling about you."
It's hard to respond with the catch in your throat.
"Some of the other puppeteers said you were the wrong choice when I hired you. I know you heard them; I know it hurt," he says sympathetically. "But you rose above all of them. Not just as a performer, but in your devotion. Everyone had a good reason not to do what you did-- even you. But you did it anyway, didn't you?"
"Mal, I..." That's all you can get out.
"Of course, you know what you have to do now, right?" he continues, his eye seeming to twinkle. "Now you've got to do it again, the hard way. You've got the Handfuls back-- now you have to bring the performers home."
"Mal, don't say that..." you say. Yet you can't stop him.
"I know you hate to be self-promoting. Trust me, you're not just making me say this," Mal chuckles. "Something New needs some//one// new, now. It's a whole bunch of very talented people who hate to have their hands idle... make sure they're looking to you for their next project."
"Why me??"
Mal looks you in the eyes. "Because, better than anyone else, [[you know you should.]]"Maurecia doesn't look a bit surprised when you come back and tell her your decision.
"I knew you would... I know you will," she says warmly. "Seeing you out there in front of the mural, having conversations with the Handfuls, comforting them when they were hurting... it was almost like having Mal back again."
How could she have seen...?!
"Of course that was me! Who else did you think cared enough about Mal to pull a stunt like this?" she says, rolling her eyes. "Come on, now. You've got a whole lot of old friends out there waiting for you to make it official... do you want to bring a friend?" She jingles the keys to the Handfuls display.
[[I want to bring Ernest.]]
[[I want to bring my own puppet.]]Hundreds of people are gathered in the museum for what has turned into an impromptu press conference. What the media thought was a final eulogy for the Handfuls, has turned into a celebration of their climactic return.
"Ahem. Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking..." Ernest begins, to scattered laughter. "I'm sorry, I really wasn't prepared for this. I also apologize for my voice, my mannerisms... I'm not myself today." This time there are scattered groans.
"We lost someone who was really important to us," Ernest continues. "But that's only steeled us to hold onto the rest. There are too many people out there that are important to the Handfuls to let them all go. So I'm putting out the invitation. If you were with Something New before the tragedy, we want you back. If you did freelance work for us, call us again. If you want to make people laugh, teach them, appreciate everything we're given in this world and be grateful for each other..."
Ernest looks down at you as if winking.
"Then I don't want to see any hands!"
<center><h2>THE END</h2>You were able to rescue $totalpuppets Handfuls. There are 14 in all!
<<if $totalpuppets lt 14>>Take the challenge again and try to find more!<<else>>You found all 14 Handfuls!
<a href="https://youtu.be/kA9Yfls6yj8?si=Qm60NLB7i0dKX-5v">This calls for a song!</a><</if>>
[[Restart Game|Title Page]]
</center>Hundreds of people are gathered in the museum for what has turned into an impromptu press conference. What the media thought was a final eulogy for the Handfuls, has turned into a celebration of their climactic return.
They didn't expect to be addressed by a small hopping vampire, either.
"Ahem. Allow me to introduce myself... My name is Dennis, the hopper," says the puppet on your arm, to scattered chuckles and groans. "The Handfuls suffered a truly tragic setback with the loss of their leader last year. I'd like to thank you all for coming, even those of you who were a little too eager to report on Mal's so-called 'downfall'." There are no laughs then, but a few shuffled feet and downcast faces.
"We've been spending our time off reading your letters, emails, social media posts, and everything that shared your memories of joy with us. We've also heard a few people say they don't want a 'zombie' Ernest who doesn't sound like the real thing. The good news is, I'm not technically a zombie, but I //am// undead? Small steps." That gets a big laugh.
"Losing our friend Mal has left a huge hole in the Handfuls, that just one person could never fill," Dennis continues. "So why should it? If the Handfuls are going to come back, we have someone in mind to join us." Dennis points their finger at the audience, and people look around to guess who it is in their midst that has been chosen.
"It's YOU. All of you. Mal Newsome wasn't born a puppeteer-- he learned, because he loved to put on a show. So if you've ever looked at the Handfuls on TV and thought "I bet I could build one of those"? We want to see you do it. If you do a good impression of Balzac? I want to hear it. If you like to draw creatures, or sculpt, or design costumes or write silly stories and jokes that make you groan?"
Dennis spreads their hands. "Our hands are empty now. It's your turn to fill them."
<center><h2>THE END</h2>You were able to rescue $totalpuppets Handfuls. There are 14 in all!
<<if $totalpuppets lt 14>>Take the challenge again and try to find more!<<else>>You found all 14 Handfuls!
<a href="https://youtu.be/kA9Yfls6yj8?si=Qm60NLB7i0dKX-5v">This calls for a song!</a><</if>>
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